Hello ladies, been a while since I've posted. I recently found out I'm pregnant (again), new relationship, very early stages. I'm really thinking about giving the baby up for adoption, I already have two and I'll only be 21 when this ones born. I honestly don't think I would cope with another . I have no idea how to go about it, I'm in the UK and I can't find much online. I did have a lot of questions but my minds gone blank now

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

This would be something to talk to your midwife about when you first see her. They will give you all the info you need and support you no matter what you decide to do.

Of course it goes without saying that it's a very difficult decision to make and one that you should take plenty of time over. You already have two children so you know exactly what it is you're thinking of giving up. It seems like there is no easy option here...only what you feel you can live with.

Only you can decide, but don't be like a woman I know who gave up her daughter because she believed it was the best thing, then spent the following 20 years full of remorse when things perked up, after she had given her daughter up.
Its a big decision, but if you genuinely feel you can't cope, then it may be the best one.
I'd wait until baby is born before you decide if I were you, its normal to feel this when your pregnant & young but I hope you can come up with a solution where everyone wins. What about the baby's father, what does he think?
Kindest regards

Thank you for the replies, I'm still thinking about it very very hard!

The baby's dad agree's with it (he wanted an 'A', something that wasn't an option for me). I saw the midwife yesterday, but I couldn't bring myself to mention anything, which is why I know my decision isn't well and truly decided. I read online (I don't know how true it is) I'll meet with a social worker during the pregnancy to talk things over, and then again when the baby arrives. The site also said I'm not allowed to sign anything until the baby is 6 weeks old at least.

I'll be seeing the my midwife again at 16 weeks, so I'll mention it to her then. Any input from her will be appreciated too.

Thank you again for the replies, I know my post didn't ask much! x

Hi I'm from the other side I suppose the little girl we adopted in uk was given up at birth also and she is the most wonderful person in the world to us. Different circumstances are her birth mother already had 2 children and would most likely have lost her through social services if she didn't relinquish her at birth. Just wanted to let you know though that our little girl is very loved and we wouldn't have her if it wasn't for the adoption system. You need to think if you can cope with just getting a letter once a year or something like that though. Hope this helps a little xx

I understand you completely, i had my first when i was 18 coming 19, then fell pregnant again and had my 2nd when i was 20 coming 21, now im comming 22 and ive the most loveist littlle boys you could always try an open adoption? ive been thinking long and hard about adopting and i wish i could help you, but your probley so far away x

Hi Jessica,
I truly feel for you in this situation. However, I find it very selfless and truly loving of this unborn child to put your child first and be willing to even say that you feel like it could be a better decision for this child. It takes a very strong courageous person to just be thinking this out loud. I myself have personal experiences with adoption. My two younger brothers were adopted at birth. We did meet one birthmother and she knew she unable to care for him and did the best for him. She was very young and had already had several children. Neither of my brothers have problems with being adopted. We have been open since birth with them about the adoption. However, they are my brothers and there are many women who dream of being a mother and just can not physically make it happen. I am a person with a strong faith and feel that there are situations that arise to where the birthmother can not care for a child for others to be blessed and have answered prayers. I feel the birthmother gets her prayers answered as well by finding a forever home where her child can be cared for and loved forever! So, adoption is not a horrible thing. However, I agree with the other ladies that it is a very big decision and one that you need to make sure you are emotionally ready for. Ask yourself the questions and answer them truthfully...Will you be able to hand your baby over to a new family and be emotional able to handle that? And if you trust that you can, then you need to decide what path to take as far a an open adoption with contact or no contact. I, myself, have been on the adoption journey...I am on the other end of the spectrum so to speak. I am physically unable to become pregnant. I found out when i was a teenager. Many women/young ladies it would devastate to find out this type of information. I will admit I did grieve a little while about it but I new how I could still become a mother someday. I knew that it was just a road block for me because adoption to me can be an even more special event that pregnancy. I actually was approached by a young mother this time last year. She was 17 and her boyfriend was 19. They already had one son that was only three months old and found out she was pregnant again. She knew of my family and that I was looking for a child to adopt. We talked and I welcomed them both with open arms into my life. I helped support them, took them to doctor appointments and even financially helped them with their son. She even went with me to the adoption lawyer. I had already payed some fees to the lawyer. But a few months later when her son turned 6 months, she decided not to do it. I was okay with that but it was devastating to me. I was completely heartbroken. I am only telling you this, so you know that if you do decide that adoption is the right path, make sure you are without a doubt ready for all that is involved. This young girl told me she started having doubts before but didn't want to hurt my feelings. Bless her heart, if only she had known that the longer she held on to the truth the harder it made it for both of us. I didn't intend to go into such detail but I felt compelled to tell you this..in hopes that it will help you. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be for you and your family. If you would like to know anymore about adoptions and the process, or just want to ask questions or vent...please don't hesitate. I pray that you can make a decision and that your comforted with whatever that may be.

Jami

Hi,
I didn't realize that I forgot to leave my email address if you would like to talk, or have any questions about adoption...
i have to type it out extremely long so it does not pick it up as a link. Sorry about that but of course this huge spaces shouldn't be between the words/letters like that.

presnellja @ go. wpcc. edu

Jami

I dont think open adoption is legal in the UK unless the child is kept in the family.

Hi Jessica!
I can't really even imagine what you're going through. Everyone is right though, it takes a very strong person to openly talk about giving up their child for adoption. I also agree though that it's probably better to wait until the baby is born and speak with your midwife/obgyn before making such a big decision...

Also, I'd have a sit down with the father again and talk on a serious level with him about the baby. If his first direction was for the other 'A' and that's not something you're comfortable with then, just my opinion, it should be completely your decision what you want to do.

You are very young and with trying to make a new relationship work and then an unexpected pregnancy happening, your thoughts can run every which way. Again, I can't imagine the stress your under right now, but as long as you make your decision based on what you think is best for your baby and no one else, then you're being the best mother can be.