We've not even begun the application process yet! We're just reading up about the process and have the information pack. I was surprised to read that they contact your ex-partners who you've lived with before?! I think I could provide the details of my ex's mother's address - but I have no idea where he is now... and I think my husband will struggle even more as his ex isn't even in the country. Is there a reason why they'd need to speak to them? This doesn't even seem to form part of the references process, as it says we'd need to provide 3 referees which will include 1 family member. Would appreciate hearing from anyone who's been through this.

Hey

Congratulations on considering adoption!

I have just spoken to my colleague about this (an experienced adoption assessment social worker) and she says:

"If you haven't parented together then we don't really need to speak to your ex-partners."

It's also up to you to locate your ex partners if you have parented together, we don't do that for you. It would delay your process if you have parented together and you cannot locate them so you should try and find them asap if this was the case.

We like to get a good background on people which is why we ask for referees and to speak to ex-partners. Sometimes we have cases of past domestic violence where ex-partners will disclose on somebody so we need to know pretty much everything about you.

Is Harry your son? Was he adopted? If he wasn't adopted then you will need to wait until he is 5 years old before you begin the adoption process. If you go to the adoption information evening they will be able to fully explain why this is. You'll also need to explain the reasons why you have come to adoption after conceiving your own child - elective adopters are looked upon more "suspiciously" by Panels as people in the adoption process typically come to us after they have exhausted all other means of having their own children.

Can I ask how long you've been together? We typically ask for around 2 years of committed relationship but I see you are approaching your 2 year anniversary so that shouldn't be a problem. The longer the better though. We need to ensure our children are going into a stable family environment and length of time is a good indicator of this.

Just wanted to add to this, the age gap can be different depending on each local authorities policies. The adoption agency I work for ask for an age gap of three years. Just wanted to point out as people may attend information evenings and be told something different.

caggi - good luck with you application

Here you can start adopting after your child is one year old (we are in Holland), but you need to be together for five years at least.

Good luck with your adoption process!

me and OH have been together for 13mos but are going to try to adopt when we are 25 which gives us a couple more years.