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Old May 20th, 2012, 15:36 PM   1
Rose_red
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What a dead loss...


Time & time again me and OH have the same arguement that he doesn't do enough.
I say to him please can you help out more with the housework/baby, his responce is I help with other stuff/ stop telling me what to do my ex did that blah blah blah.
He carried LO in the carseat to the place we had a meal at earlier and said see I do help (carrying the carseat ffs).
It's getting to the point where I feel like a single parent, I say to him just alittle extra help on the weekend would be great but he just won't do it.

Another thing, petty as it sounds, in the week he said he would do the night feeds last night (1st time ever) if I got him a drink of water, so I did and had been looking forward to a night of un-broken sleep.
Surprise surprise he wriggled his way out of it and went off to the pub.

I just don't know what to do anymore, of course I love him loads but I feel like such a doormat.
Any help or advice would be appreciated



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 16:53 PM   2
Rose_red
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please anyone



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:11 PM   3
Munchkin30
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No advice but I feel much the same. It makes me feel like oh doesn't care cos I can be up all night with LO and he STILL doesn't take her in the morning to give me a break. It hurts doesn't it?



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:12 PM   4
Welsh mtb
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He sounds a tad immature - but then many men are!! They seem to think as they go to work they dont have to help out at all, and home life is for relaxing - I had a similar chat with my oh not so long ago and put it to him that its not just about helping me out but also whilst he is working/sleeping/watching tv our baby and her needs are changing by the day and if he doesnt get involved he simply would not know how to meet her needs, settle her and geneally deal with her - now i make a point of him taking over for one evening a week, to give me a break and for him to 'keep in touch' with lo. He actually enjoys it very much. Failing that i would stop washing his clothes etc and tell him you havent got time - I can be petty if he can!! x



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:18 PM   5
LannieDuck
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I think you need to engineer some situations where he has to take LO. Make a hair appointment or something, so he gets left with LO for an hour or two. Hopefully he'll start to realise how much work it is.. plus he'll build up confidence at being able to deal with the baby by himself.

And when you said "he wriggled his way out of it", what does that mean? He outright refused to do it after promising he would, or he moaned a bit and you said "ok, I'll do it"? (If the latter... stop it :P) If the former, I think I'd have a blunt conversation with him about it - is he willing to do an overnight shift, yes or no? If no, then he has to take LO for 3-4 hours a couple of mornings a week to let you catch up on some sleep. If yes, then he's doing tonight. End of conversation. ...but obv I don't know how he'd respond to that...!



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:18 PM   6
Rose_red
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin30 View Post
No advice but I feel much the same. It makes me feel like oh doesn't care cos I can be up all night with LO and he STILL doesn't take her in the morning to give me a break. It hurts doesn't it?
Yea I just feel like he doesn't give a shit or appreciate anything I do


Quote:
Originally Posted by Welsh mtb View Post
He sounds a tad immature - but then many men are!! They seem to think as they go to work they dont have to help out at all, and home life is for relaxing - I had a similar chat with my oh not so long ago and put it to him that its not just about helping me out but also whilst he is working/sleeping/watching tv our baby and her needs are changing by the day and if he doesnt get involved he simply would not know how to meet her needs, settle her and geneally deal with her - now i make a point of him taking over for one evening a week, to give me a break and for him to 'keep in touch' with lo. He actually enjoys it very much. Failing that i would stop washing his clothes etc and tell him you havent got time - I can be petty if he can!! x
Thing is I work as well and will be going back in September so I dunno whats going to happen then
Just thought he would want to be more hands on in our son's life, I am really thinking I won't have anymore children as I just don't have the support I need from him



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:21 PM   7
Rose_red
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LannieDuck View Post
I think you need to engineer some situations where he has to take LO. Make a hair appointment or something, so he gets left with LO for an hour or two. Hopefully he'll start to realise how much work it is.. plus he'll build up confidence at being able to deal with the baby by himself.

And when you said "he wriggled his way out of it", what does that mean? He outright refused to do it after promising he would, or he moaned a bit and you said "ok, I'll do it"? (If the latter... stop it :P) If the former, I think I'd have a blunt conversation with him about it - is he willing to do an overnight shift, yes or no? If no, then he has to take LO for 3-4 hours a couple of mornings a week to let you catch up on some sleep. If yes, then he's doing tonight. End of conversation. ...but obv I don't know how he'd respond to that...!
Yea he does have him when I have my hair done or something like that, but only because he HAS to :/
He just tried to get out of it (think he was hoping I'd forgot), so I just gave in in the end as I knew he'd just turn it into a big deal and I'd end up doing it anyway. To be fair he does have LO 3-4 mornings for afew hours whilst I'm at the gym, but LO is asleep half the time.



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:37 PM   8
Tam2810
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I could have written this myself! Me and OH row lots like this - he works and I'm on maternity yet I don't think I sit down before 10pm every night whereas he comes home, has a cuddle with LO, eats his dinner and chills.

I have at times literally begged him to help more but he says he does and i genuinely think he thinks he does lol.

To be fair he normally works 6 days a week and they're 12 hours in a v demanding job but he currently has a 3 day break and what's the first thing he does - goes for a round of golf this morning at 8. I despair.

The broken promise of taking on a night feed is v harsh though - i've experienced this at times and want mental.

I'm sorry for going on my own little rant but I understand where your coming from so thought you'd appreciate my experiences too.

However it's me who gets all the rewards back from LO as much of the time it's just me and him and I love it xx



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:41 PM   9
Rose_red
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But what can you do? I am seriously starting to get some deep resentment setting in and I don't want to feel this way.
I want us to have a good partnership and help each other, his attitude is like well I do other things like drive us about ( I don't drive ). I said to him YOU LIVE HERE TOO!!! omg so annoyed



 
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Old May 20th, 2012, 17:57 PM   10
Welsh mtb
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Thing is I work as well and will be going back in September so I dunno whats going to happen then
Just thought he would want to be more hands on in our son's life, I am really thinking I won't have anymore children as I just don't have the support I need from him [/QUOTE]

Now this i can understand too. It is hurtful when you have to actually badger them into helping with the baby, When I bath my daughter, feed her, play with her - I love it, and i cannot understand why my oh doesnt love to do these things as much as i do, he makes me feel i am nagging and i hate that. I am also back in work September so a few things are going to have to change in our house!! x



 
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