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Old Dec 12th, 2012, 17:08 PM   1
Samiam03
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Husband not bonding with DD.


My DD is a very stubborn baby...she ONLY wants me. She screams/fusses for everyone else...she is fussy with DH, her grandparents, ect. My DH is having a hard time bonding with her because of it. I try to give her to him and leave the room for an hour or so but some days she screams the whole time until I get back! My ds was so much better and my husband had a great bond with him. I feel so sad for DH (and her grandparents tbh) and wish she would be more open to spending time with him.

DH doesn't usually complain about it but the one day he did let it slip that some days he feels like she isn't his and she only belongs to me. ..not questioning paternity...just meaning he feels like she doesn't belong to him at all.

Any tips?



 
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Old Dec 12th, 2012, 17:19 PM   2
mummylove
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My daughter went through the stage where it was just me me me and now my son is going through it. In the end i jsut leave and go out. Sometimes u have to let them cry it out. I tell my oh to just keep playing with him tickle him which he loves and he loves piggy boo. Its not easy but they get used to it in end



 
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Old Dec 12th, 2012, 17:21 PM   3
Twister
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My LO is exactly the same atm. I really try to encourage oh and LO to spend time together, she's fine when it comes to nappy changing or getting her dressed/bathed but when it comes to cuddles or settling down for a nap she only wants me. Oh says he doesn't mind and that its good for mine and los bond but I can't help but feel bad, it's the same with the grandparents too tbh. Unless she's super relaxed she won't have anyone except me for longer than 5 minutes.

I just think she's still small and it's normal for them to only want mummy, some babies are just more chilled out with other people than others and it will get better with time as long as you encourage them to spend time together.



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 05:36 AM   4
Noelle610
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I would give it some time. My husband had a very hard time bonding with our daughter when she was little. She was a "spirited" kid LOL (reflux, colic, you name it). I think it's natural for newborns to be really attached to mom, too. Now that Charlotte is 6 months old and has more of a personality, things are so different. He says that she is "his world" and can't imagine life before her. I always jokingly remind him that he would have happily given her away to a loving family just a few months ago!



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 05:41 AM   5
MrsPear
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This happened to us too. It's hard for my OH because he is at work all day and doesn't spend a lot of time with Joni. When she was 3 months I asked him if he got any pleasure from her, and he said no not really. He is such a wonderful guy and he would do anything for us, but he felt like she is a stranger and she was not interested in him. When he came home from work she was either sleeping or crying.

It does start to get better though. As their personalities become more apparent, it's a lot easier for the dad to do things to make them laugh etc, and then they can really start to bond. She is five months now and things are not perfect yet but I can see that he loves her more and more and I know it will eventually be okay. I have asked him to take her swimming next week which will be the first time they have done an activity just the two of them, and I hope he will get some pleasure from it. I think it's important to encourage them to spend time together, but don't force it, it will start to get better naturally and this phase will pass xx



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 05:52 AM   6
superfrizbee
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I agree with what the other posters are saying. But perhaps you can do some things together too? DH tends to bath DD but sometimes we do it together. If you tried that you'd still be there but your DH would also be involved? Maybe he could get in the bath with her and you wash her, or vice versa? Your hbby could also perhaps read her a book or show her a favourite toy while she's on your lap? It must be very hard for him, so perhaps these little things will help both of them.



 
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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 05:59 AM   7
Bella_Bee
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Don't force it! That wouldn't be pleasant for either of them, esp as you BF. Leaving her crying for lengthy periods is just going to make her assosciate him with that, not to learn to love him...

They will get there. Your OH just needs reassurance that one day they will be well bonded but, for now, a strong bond with mummy is not only normal - it's essential.

In time she will need less of the constant nurturing and that's where daddy comes in - as a playmate! Their bond will be strong in time simply because he loves her and wants to spend time with her - strong bonds cannot be forced and attempting to force them can damage the relationship on both sides.



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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 06:02 AM   8
Bella_Bee
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Just to add - my first was the same and she now adores her daddy - sometimes when she falls over she will run past my open arms and into his! They even co-sleep together now that I co-sleep with our littlest one and spend a lot of time together. Just give it time, it will happen naturally.



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Old Dec 13th, 2012, 07:43 AM   9
KittyVentura
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It will get better in time. But, if you need to help things improve then sadly I think moving to formula is the only way to do so right now. I appreciate this is an unpopular point as I am not anti BF at ALL, not for a moment. However, when you are breast feeding you are baby's whole world and comfort for the first part of their life. It is quite common for breastfeed babies to show such a strong preference to Mummy and this is quite natural and normal, she knows without you she won't survive and doesn't have any concept yet of object permanence yet. When you are not right there, her food source and comfort has gone, possibly forever in her eyes. She will cry and cry to alert you and get you back, because the need for survival is all she knows right now.

Look how many women breastfeed and have breastfed, but we don't have a world of toddlers who haven't bonded with their fathers as a result. A that should assure you that t will get better in time. But, if you cannot wait, removing yourself as her sole food source and way of surviving would really be the only way to enable her to go to others without such a strong reaction.

Xx



 
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