someone once told me if you can make it through the first year of a babies life you can get through anything together.....they told me that cause having kids if tough on a relationship. maybe take an evening away and just be you guys again. what he done was wrong but if he hasnt done anything like that before i'd put it down to the stress of you two not getting on and having a baby, its probably not likely that its because he's a nasty person. i think you need to sit down and talk about whats happened and explain your concerns he may have concerns of his own. no point chucking a 8 year relationship down the loo without trying to fight for it first even if what he did was rather disgusting...
Well.. People here are saying get rid. But its easier said than done. I know no one will agree with me.. obvously I dont know this guy inside out and i dont wanna be the reason you stick around and something goes wrong. but i just dont feel anyone can say get rid as there not in your relationship.
Personaly for me if my husband did that ( i have changed my tune since falling even more for my husband lol) but if he did that i wouldnt kick him out i accept its completly unacceptable to do that to anyone let alone infront of your child. but perhaps you can help him. youve been with him this long and i gues we all make mistakes , see if he is open to counciling and anger management before it gets to bad. ii do think there is other options before instantly going for the last resort of seperation.
I think that once can be a mistake, but twice is a pattern. I wouldn't throw away an 8 year relationship if he is apologetic. Since there's a lot of fighting and anger issues right now, perhaps couples counseling or anger management would be in order.
I thought I'd share my story with my ex, we had only been together a few months and he grabbed me during an argument. He apologised and we stayed together. Several years down the line we went to our friends wedding, when we got back he went to a friends house for a drink and I went home. When I got home I realised I was locked out so I went back to get the keys from him. He then preceded to kick ten barrels of shit out of me he even threw me into the road infront of a range rover. I saw 3 men walking down the street and shouted at them to ring the police - they just shrugged their shoulders and carried on walking needless to say they didn't ring the police. I was a right state, bruised and grazed all over I even had bruises in the shape of his fingers around my neck. The next day he was shocked - we managed a pub and I had stayed in one of the rooms - was really apologetic etc. I left him but because we had a pub and only one car I still had to have contact with him. The next time I saw him on my own I was sat in our car and he was talking to me thru the window I obviously said something he didn't like and he tried to drag me out of the car thru the window but luckily I had me seatbelt on he still managed to ram me head into the car!! I know our situations were totally different but I wish I had walked away the first time he grabbed me he NEVER after that first time layed a finger on me for 5.5 years but at times his mouth was nasty! I wish I'd listened to the advice I was given - what would you say to your sister/best friend/family member if they were in your shoes. Good luck to you, take care x
It's a hard situation your in. Men have been arrested for for less and what he has done is assault you! I understand that he has never done this before! Do you still both want It to work! Do you think you both would attend counselling?
I think a line has been crossed here and it sounds as tho it was out of frustration but he needs to know that it's not acceptable. Hopefully your daughter will not remember this incident as she is too young thankfully.
There are also lots of support groups that you can talk too if the situation can't be resolved.
I feel so bad for the Original Poster.. I have been thinking about it over night.. It is such a hard situation full of what ifs .. He may never do it again.. but he might. and I really think love makes you a different person. I remember a friend of mine whos boyfriend used to beat her and i always used to say leave him and i always thought if anyone even poked me in the arm id kick him out and change the locks! but now im married myself. i feel it is so much more complicated than just shutting all your emotions of and leaving. i really hope he agrees to counciling but if he doesnt he obvously doesnt want to change xx ( i dont want to feel guilty for suggesting you help him and go for counciling if it goes wrong.. ) but do what you feel is best for you and your family. i wont say stay or leave. xx
I would leave for now, and have him go to anger management therapy alone, and also go to couple's counseling.
Be honest with the therapists, and tell them what happened. See what they say about saving your relationship. See if they think it can work. If you stay together, he'll have a lot of work to do.
For now, I would leave though.
Now, if it were me, I would be gone, because as you can see from some above posts, once something like this happens, it can happen again. I would not be able to ever trust my husband again if he did something like that.
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