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Old Feb 21st, 2017, 09:34 AM   1
LaughOutLoud
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My 8 month old is very behind


This is my third baby and I'm being made to feel by HV that I don't know what I'm doing and I'm beginning to think it's true. My baby is not easy. I BF and he still feeds round the clock on demand- he doesn't nap- has never done- An will cat nap whilst feeding in the day- usually just once or twice. He wouldn't go down for the night either unless I was there but I'm sleep training and things are better there.

So now the main issues- he hates being put down. He doesn't roll, crawl or sit without support. HV are telling me that I need to give him more tummy time and to ply with him more- I should be aiming for 10 lots of tummy times each day. I admit I don't play with him all day but that's because I still have my older two to attend to, my middle child is still home as she's only 2yrs old.

Eating- he is having allergic reactions to dairy but I know it's not as severe as it can be, however it's still there and he hates eating. He is not putting in the weight- he hasn't gained any in the last 2 weeks and HV are telling me I need to stop BF so he eats and to give him things such as rice puddings and custard. They laughed at me when I said I don't give these because firstly it has added sugar and secondly, its dairy. I'm waiting for dieticians appointment but the HV don't feel that I should be avoiding dairy because the allergic reactions are not extreme.

I feel awful and had to hold back my tears!



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Old Feb 21st, 2017, 10:48 AM   2
KatO79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaughOutLoud View Post
This is my third baby and I'm being made to feel by HV that I don't know what I'm doing and I'm beginning to think it's true. My baby is not easy. I BF and he still feeds round the clock on demand- he doesn't nap- has never done- An will cat nap whilst feeding in the day- usually just once or twice. He wouldn't go down for the night either unless I was there but I'm sleep training and things are better there.

So now the main issues- he hates being put down. He doesn't roll, crawl or sit without support. HV are telling me that I need to give him more tummy time and to ply with him more- I should be aiming for 10 lots of tummy times each day. I admit I don't play with him all day but that's because I still have my older two to attend to, my middle child is still home as she's only 2yrs old.

Eating- he is having allergic reactions to dairy but I know it's not as severe as it can be, however it's still there and he hates eating. He is not putting in the weight- he hasn't gained any in the last 2 weeks and HV are telling me I need to stop BF so he eats and to give him things such as rice puddings and custard. They laughed at me when I said I don't give these because firstly it has added sugar and secondly, its dairy. I'm waiting for dieticians appointment but the HV don't feel that I should be avoiding dairy because the allergic reactions are not extreme.

I feel awful and had to hold back my tears!

I'm sorry your HV isn't being diplomatic, it could be out of concern but she shouldn't be making you feel that awful.

I hear you on not having the easiest baby, my 4½ month old son is difficult to get to nap and it can take 30-40 minutes. I don't know much about sleep training yet as I'm a FTM and haven't done very much yet but hope it soon works for you.

My HV (what equals one here) is also really into tummy time but my son will half the time refuse. I asked her what to do and she suggested either trying to lay him on his side or try again a bit later. I've found he'll sometimes be more receptive to doing it on me so if you can maybe try that, even if it's only for a few minutes? 10 lots sounds a bit excessive though, I don't get my son to do it that much and he's still doing well, at least for the time being. As for playing I can see how that might be difficult with a 2 year old, don't know if you could somehow have her involved in the play? Don't know much about children (yet!) so may be a totally stupid suggestion and she's not able to do that but just something I thought of

As for eating, I'm about to start my son tomorrow actually with a thin porridge in the morning and some gruel at night to start as my milk isn't enough for him anymore. He has eczema so has the potential to develop allergic reactions. I'll be making my own porridges and gruel and using powdered formula most of the time to make them although I think you can also use your own milk if you want. My HV told me to use a powdered formula called Nestle Nan HA, don't know if you can get it where you are or if that'd be an option? It's supposed to be good to avoid a potential allergic reaction to dairy so hypoallergenic. I hear you on the store bought stuff, my HV told me to avoid it and only use in emergency situations because of all the sugar. But I don't know if you have the option to make your own food for him? My HV said that I can make enough for 2-3 days if it's easier and just store it although to not add the Nan HA formula until right before warming it and serving it to him.

I hope I've helped in some way And don't feel bad, I'm sure you're doing fine and the best you can for your son!

Btw is your 2 year old in some form of daycare? If not it may be worth doing for a few hours so you have those hours to concentrate on your son with playing and giving tummy time.



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2017, 14:17 PM   3
_dreamer_
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Wow some of the advice from your hv is questionable!!!

Firstly with bf, from everything i have read, don't stop! Everything i see says offer breast first then try give solids. That food is for fun until baby is 1. That breast milk is more important than food at this point. That it is recommended for as long as you feel possible. I cant believe they'd advise you to stop feeding. My dd1 was a milk monster and i breastfed until 14m. She only started to eat more solids at 1 and was hardly interested from 6m to 1yr. She is now a fabulous eater. I also cant believe they laughed at you around the dairy issue. Why put your lo through being uncomfortable??? Also to recommend puddings and custard...is she an older hv? Sounds like very old fashioned view points. I would be thinking they'd advise fruit and veg sticks, or pureees, breadsticks,toast fingers, cereals with breastmilk (sorry you probably have tried this but that's a good one as its a familiar taste) etc not sugary foods!!

If you are sleep training and he learns to self settle you might find he naps more in the day as he wil be able to fall asleep himself. Is there anything he will nap with now like car journey's or in the pram?

Is there anyone who can have your 2 yr old for a bit a coupld of times a week to give you dedicated time with the baby to play etc? Or is there an activity your 2 yo can do by herself (watch a cartoon.draw, play blocks etc) to give yoi 10 mins here and there with baby? Im sure he will get round to doing these things just perhaps a bit more slowly. Must be hard having another one at home all day, my oldest is in school so it does make it a lot easier.

Please dont doubt your self your hv sounds.like a moron. They should be there to support and help not give silly comments and advice. Chin up hun xx



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2017, 14:24 PM   4
OnErth&InHvn
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Do NOT stop BFing!!! Get ahold of FREE help at La Leche League!!!!

and you can cut out dairy to help and no, do not give the baby dairy!



 
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Old Feb 21st, 2017, 20:56 PM   5
jessmke
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Don't stop breastfeeding! Your breastmilk is the perfect nutrition for your LO. I always offered breast first before food until my LG was 1 year old when I would then start to offer solid food first if she was hungry. She really wasn't all that interested in solid food until she was around 11 months or so. My best friend's little girl was also very slow to put on weight and the doctor told her to feed her daughter ice cream and pudding! She didn't obviously, but instead used lots of butter when cooking for her, and offered lots of high fat foods like avocado, nut butters, cheese, etc. She has done just fine. She is still small, but that is probably just the way she is meant to be.

As far as not sitting/rolling/etc he will get it in his own time when he has the motivation to do it. Just ignore what everyone else thinks. It's not like he is going to go to school unable to sit unaided, he will get it in his own time. My friend's son didn't roll over or make any attempts at moving independently until he was 14 months old, he is now a typical 2 1/2 year old and is walking and talking and doing everything a 2 year old is supposed to be doing. Some kids just take a bit longer to find that motivation to get moving, and there really isn't anything you can do to force the process.



 
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Old Feb 22nd, 2017, 04:42 AM   6
Babybump87
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I agree with pp. The advice given by your HV is questionable. I personally dont trust their opinions anyway after a bad experience with DD1. Don't let her make you think your doing the wrong thing. You know your baby!.

Im sorry I can't offer any advice with regards to his physical development. All I can say us DD1 didn't make any attempt at walking until she was 14 months . DD2 however walked at 10 months. Like you know babys are all different.

I can say definitely don't stop breastfeeding. Try and cut out as much diary as possible from his diet. My DD2 has recently been diagnosed with Cows Milk Protein Allergy after many weeks of constant pressure. My HV didn't have a clue about this. Maybe take him to your GP who will look into this and also refer you to a dietician. DD2 is not putting on much weight either despite eating like a horse! . Have a look at the CMPA website. Lots of useful information there. Feel free to PM me.

I am disgusted that after you told her about the possible allergy she then told you to feed him rice puddings and custard. Im super annoyed. Keep a log of all foods he is eating for when you get to the dietician.

Keep going your doing your best for your children and it does get better once you get the right support/information.



 
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Old Feb 22nd, 2017, 05:13 AM   7
Twag
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Hmmm this HV sounds shite! Don't stop BF I still feed my daughter when she wants and she eats perfectly fine

If you son is allergic to diary then ignore her (she isn't a DR) and do not give him diary! Maybe try bits of fruit - soft apple, banana etc for him to try (my daughter who will eat pretty much anything hates both rice pudding & custard!)

Oh and as far as tummy time goes neither of my children ever did it because they hated it! My son started walking 13/14 months My daughter started walking at 10 months
Bumbo's do help strengthen their core so if you have one of those you could try popping him in that and giving toys to play with

your not a bad mum ALL babies develop differently you are doing a GREAT job



 
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Old Feb 22nd, 2017, 07:19 AM   8
Gem_Clem
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You have done this twice before so im pretty sure you know what you are doing, trust your own instincts, I just smile and nod at the health visitor then ignore everything she said. They do talk a load of tripe sometimes. My Lo is nearly 8 months and has always hated tummy time, she used to scream whenever I laid her on her front, it didn't stop her figuring out how to roll over, she has just recently learned how to roll back again. Ten times a day sounds excessive, I barely remembered to do once a day, I don't think it makes a difference, they still work out what to do when they are ready. I used a bumbo seat for both my babies from about 3-4 months, they both had strong necks and held their heads up and I think the seat helps them figure out how to sit themselves upright too, I also done it with her on couch and my knee.

Telling you to give puddings is crazy! I wouldn't give LO sugar at this age. Try porridge made using your breast milk, sweet potato, potato, cheese, avacado, banana etc. Usually favourites with babies and will help LO put on weight.



 
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Old Feb 23rd, 2017, 06:48 AM   9
LaughOutLoud
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Thank you everyone for your replies, it's been so helpful and certainly lifted my mood! I'm going to go with my gut instinct and do what I think is right. I think HV really didn't understand our situation or we just have very differing views. Thank you all



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Old Feb 23rd, 2017, 08:34 AM   10
MindUtopia
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Try lying him against your chest or in a wrap counts as tummy time too (assuming he's awake). I used to just have my daughter lie on my chest or wore her around the house in a wrap (particularly as you have a toddler to run after) and the practice supporting their head also strengthens the neck and core. I literally couldn't put her down at all for the first 4 months, so that's what we did.

Even if he doesn't love being put down (mine didn't), roll him over onto his belly for 30 seconds after every change. Little bits here and there are plenty. It doesn't need to be like 10 minutes at one go. But find time when your toddler is occupied in an activity for a couple minutes to get down on the floor with him.

And yes, ignore that bad advice on bf and food. Unfortunately, I've never met a HV who didn't just spout off some advice someone told her when she had her own babies back in about 1960. Most of it isn't evidence-based and I just ignore it. But there are lots of dairy free foods to eat that are nutrient and calorie dense. Porridge with coconut oil or cashew butter blended in, smoothies if he'll try drinking through a straw (you can add veg, fruit, oats, coconut oil, nut butters, whatever, mine loved one made with bananas, spinach and coconut oil around that age), cheese cubes, pasta with a bit of olive oil, toast with hummus, etc. There's loads of things that are fat and protein dense that are great to start with.

Also, don't panic too much about feeling like he's behind. It sounds like he just needs a chance to practice more. My husband had some delays as a baby and toddler and he didn't walk until he was 2.5 (didn't talk either!) and it wasn't because his mum didn't give him enough time on the floor (I suspect she rarely actually picked him up!). Sometimes they just go at their own pace. Once he got going, albeit later than others, he caught right up and never had any other issues.



 
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