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Old Apr 6th, 2017, 01:56 AM   11
KatO79
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I personally believe that part of being a friend is showing an interest in things that interest your friends, even if it utterly bores you. Just showing a minimum of interest and talking about the topic for a few minutes with a couple of questions. That's what I do if a friend has an interest that doesn't interest me.

I even have FB friends that I barely know (e.g. the cousin of my BIL's ex-wife) that are liking pics, most of them only once in a while but it's more than what she's done

Also she didn't show an interest in my pregnancy while she was still pregnant, no interest in how my baby was doing in there. I also think she would've told me if she had more losses, she even told me about the abortion she had at 19 so yeah.... Plus she had almost no interest while I was going through assisted conception either. I think the only reason she started TTCing was that after I told her I was pregnant, she started talking about how we could be pregnant together next time, me with #2 and her with #1 as she wanted to wait a bit. I told her DH and I were unsure about having #2, that we don't even know if I we can get pregnant naturally afterwards (as DH and I don't want to go through IVF again and don't have any frozen embies) and even then that it's not certain her and I would be pregnant at the same time. She seemd super disappointed. So makes me wonder if she started TTCing after that so we could " be pregnant together"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
I don't think you like her very much, i think you may keep her around party as you feel she needs you and partly to elevate your own self-esteem. In regards to her being interested in you lo, why would she be, she seems completely self-absorbed and a baby can't serve to gather her attention so why would she be bothered? Also i think you are being mean actually, even aside from everything else she is struggling over her lost baby and desperate to have another, why would she be singing and dancing for you, you don't have much sympathy for her...

I think the relationship you have together is toxic. Sorry to be blunt but i have been trapped in a friendship like this and i was you, it took me a long time to realise i was being as dysfunctional as her by keeping her around.
I find this offensive. You don't know me. FYI, I was thinking of severly limiting how much contact I have with her but then she told my DH about her mc (yeah because she considers him her friend as well) so felt I needed to offer her support and offer to see her. Yeah, I'm very unsympathetic!

Also the fact that she'd seen him at around 8 weeks led me to believe that she wasn't that upset anymore as she mentioned she was waiting for AF and couldn't wait to start TTCing again. If she's talking like that and seeing my baby, surely liking a few posts and showing more interest isn't asking too much?



 
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Old Apr 6th, 2017, 03:48 AM   12
noon_child
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Is she even on Facebook that much? I'd be way more concerned about her lack of support IRL than her activity on Facebook.

I know what it is like to not feel like you have too many friends and it can make us feel disappointed when we realise people we've spent time on weren't worth it, but really if she isn't acting like a friend then she isn't a friend and you'd be better off just getting on with your life.



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Old Apr 6th, 2017, 04:42 AM   13
kirstybumx3
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I'm not sure about this. Some of my friends barely take any notice at all of my child/ren. They'll acknowledge them obviously but when we meet up or chat, the conversation is rarely about the kids. When I became a mother our friendship didn't suddenly become about mums and dirty bums and all the rest of it, we still mainly engage in adult conversation, some of those friends don't have children yet, don't want them, can't have them, or simply want to chat away from child talk if that makes sense.
There are many of my friends that will like a photo I post on IG of a glass of wine (not at the moment obviously lol) but don't like the ones I post of my son or scan photos Not offended in the slightest I don't see that it makes any difference who likes social media posts.
I don't go liking everyone's baby photos either unless I find anything particularly cute/funny or whatever. Not everyone finds our babies as fabulous as we as parents do unfortunately, but that's totally normal



 
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Old Apr 6th, 2017, 09:26 AM   14
Jessicahide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KatO79 View Post
I personally believe that part of being a friend is showing an interest in things that interest your friends, even if it utterly bores you. Just showing a minimum of interest and talking about the topic for a few minutes with a couple of questions. That's what I do if a friend has an interest that doesn't interest me.

I even have FB friends that I barely know (e.g. the cousin of my BIL's ex-wife) that are liking pics, most of them only once in a while but it's more than what she's done

Also she didn't show an interest in my pregnancy while she was still pregnant, no interest in how my baby was doing in there. I also think she would've told me if she had more losses, she even told me about the abortion she had at 19 so yeah.... Plus she had almost no interest while I was going through assisted conception either. I think the only reason she started TTCing was that after I told her I was pregnant, she started talking about how we could be pregnant together next time, me with #2 and her with #1 as she wanted to wait a bit. I told her DH and I were unsure about having #2, that we don't even know if I we can get pregnant naturally afterwards (as DH and I don't want to go through IVF again and don't have any frozen embies) and even then that it's not certain her and I would be pregnant at the same time. She seemd super disappointed. So makes me wonder if she started TTCing after that so we could " be pregnant together"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
I don't think you like her very much, i think you may keep her around party as you feel she needs you and partly to elevate your own self-esteem. In regards to her being interested in you lo, why would she be, she seems completely self-absorbed and a baby can't serve to gather her attention so why would she be bothered? Also i think you are being mean actually, even aside from everything else she is struggling over her lost baby and desperate to have another, why would she be singing and dancing for you, you don't have much sympathy for her...

I think the relationship you have together is toxic. Sorry to be blunt but i have been trapped in a friendship like this and i was you, it took me a long time to realise i was being as dysfunctional as her by keeping her around.
I find this offensive. You don't know me. FYI, I was thinking of severly limiting how much contact I have with her but then she told my DH about her mc (yeah because she considers him her friend as well) so felt I needed to offer her support and offer to see her. Yeah, I'm very unsympathetic!

Also the fact that she'd seen him at around 8 weeks led me to believe that she wasn't that upset anymore as she mentioned she was waiting for AF and couldn't wait to start TTCing again. If she's talking like that and seeing my baby, surely liking a few posts and showing more interest isn't asking too much?
I don't know you but you have asked me for advice, and i gave it..... Why are likes on facebook a must? And yes, i think you are raising your self esteem, what else are you in this relationship for? Apart from seeing how crap she is at everything and how you wouldn't and are not anything like her... I am helping you to have some in site, rather than taking offence, reflect. If it doesn't apply to you, then it doesn't, the fact you are annoyed says something.



 
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Old Apr 6th, 2017, 10:56 AM   15
staralfur
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KatO79 View Post
I personally believe that part of being a friend is showing an interest in things that interest your friends, even if it utterly bores you. Just showing a minimum of interest and talking about the topic for a few minutes with a couple of questions. That's what I do if a friend has an interest that doesn't interest me.

I even have FB friends that I barely know (e.g. the cousin of my BIL's ex-wife) that are liking pics, most of them only once in a while but it's more than what she's done

Also she didn't show an interest in my pregnancy while she was still pregnant, no interest in how my baby was doing in there. I also think she would've told me if she had more losses, she even told me about the abortion she had at 19 so yeah.... Plus she had almost no interest while I was going through assisted conception either. I think the only reason she started TTCing was that after I told her I was pregnant, she started talking about how we could be pregnant together next time, me with #2 and her with #1 as she wanted to wait a bit. I told her DH and I were unsure about having #2, that we don't even know if I we can get pregnant naturally afterwards (as DH and I don't want to go through IVF again and don't have any frozen embies) and even then that it's not certain her and I would be pregnant at the same time. She seemd super disappointed. So makes me wonder if she started TTCing after that so we could " be pregnant together"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
I don't think you like her very much, i think you may keep her around party as you feel she needs you and partly to elevate your own self-esteem. In regards to her being interested in you lo, why would she be, she seems completely self-absorbed and a baby can't serve to gather her attention so why would she be bothered? Also i think you are being mean actually, even aside from everything else she is struggling over her lost baby and desperate to have another, why would she be singing and dancing for you, you don't have much sympathy for her...

I think the relationship you have together is toxic. Sorry to be blunt but i have been trapped in a friendship like this and i was you, it took me a long time to realise i was being as dysfunctional as her by keeping her around.
I find this offensive. You don't know me. FYI, I was thinking of severly limiting how much contact I have with her but then she told my DH about her mc (yeah because she considers him her friend as well) so felt I needed to offer her support and offer to see her. Yeah, I'm very unsympathetic!

Also the fact that she'd seen him at around 8 weeks led me to believe that she wasn't that upset anymore as she mentioned she was waiting for AF and couldn't wait to start TTCing again. If she's talking like that and seeing my baby, surely liking a few posts and showing more interest isn't asking too much?
I'm sorry but you seem very quick to dismiss any explanations for her behaviour, all the while constantly asserting that you've been a really good friend to her. I think Jessica might be onto something.

It doesn't seem like you even like her that much so the thing that's bothering you seems to be that fact that she's not giving you the attention you feel you've "earned" by being there for her. If you don't feel she's a good friend to you then cut her out, otherwise you're just playing martyr.



 
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Old Apr 19th, 2017, 12:10 PM   16
Andypanda6570
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KatO79 View Post
I personally believe that part of being a friend is showing an interest in things that interest your friends, even if it utterly bores you. Just showing a minimum of interest and talking about the topic for a few minutes with a couple of questions. That's what I do if a friend has an interest that doesn't interest me.

I even have FB friends that I barely know (e.g. the cousin of my BIL's ex-wife) that are liking pics, most of them only once in a while but it's more than what she's done

Also she didn't show an interest in my pregnancy while she was still pregnant, no interest in how my baby was doing in there. I also think she would've told me if she had more losses, she even told me about the abortion she had at 19 so yeah.... Plus she had almost no interest while I was going through assisted conception either. I think the only reason she started TTCing was that after I told her I was pregnant, she started talking about how we could be pregnant together next time, me with #2 and her with #1 as she wanted to wait a bit. I told her DH and I were unsure about having #2, that we don't even know if I we can get pregnant naturally afterwards (as DH and I don't want to go through IVF again and don't have any frozen embies) and even then that it's not certain her and I would be pregnant at the same time. She seemd super disappointed. So makes me wonder if she started TTCing after that so we could " be pregnant together"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessicahide View Post
I don't think you like her very much, i think you may keep her around party as you feel she needs you and partly to elevate your own self-esteem. In regards to her being interested in you lo, why would she be, she seems completely self-absorbed and a baby can't serve to gather her attention so why would she be bothered? Also i think you are being mean actually, even aside from everything else she is struggling over her lost baby and desperate to have another, why would she be singing and dancing for you, you don't have much sympathy for her...

I think the relationship you have together is toxic. Sorry to be blunt but i have been trapped in a friendship like this and i was you, it took me a long time to realise i was being as dysfunctional as her by keeping her around.
I find this offensive. You don't know me. FYI, I was thinking of severly limiting how much contact I have with her but then she told my DH about her mc (yeah because she considers him her friend as well) so felt I needed to offer her support and offer to see her. Yeah, I'm very unsympathetic!

Also the fact that she'd seen him at around 8 weeks led me to believe that she wasn't that upset anymore as she mentioned she was waiting for AF and couldn't wait to start TTCing again. If she's talking like that and seeing my baby, surely liking a few posts and showing more interest isn't asking too much?
Just wanted to say she will always be upset over it and never show it..That is something you will never be ok with, no matter how many children you have..I just wanted to say that



 
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Old Apr 19th, 2017, 12:50 PM   17
Mum_Cupcake
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Wow, you're all so super supportive and great at insulting someone you don't know purely because you assume and accuse them of using another for their own self-esteem. . . great job! I'm sure theres a rule somewhere on here about insulting people, if not there should be.

Kat079 I would ignore all the negative here, it's clear to me when bringing up the subject of friendship everyone gets very touchy.
I haven't experienced your struggle, though I have experienced your friends grief of a mc, and I agree though she may seem ok deep down she may not be, her lack interest seen as it appears to not be an uncommon thing, may just be the way she is but only you would know that. You've known her 7 1/2 years and seen the things she gone through, that kind of stuff can change a person as you've most likely seen it change her first hand. I can understand your frustration, someone you saw as a close friend has drifted and it hurts, but people who go through a lot of bad things tend to push those they care about away.
If I was honestly in your position I would just try and talk to her when or where you can, just say hi ask how she is, when she wants to talk she will.
Good luck



 
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Old Apr 19th, 2017, 23:40 PM   18
Zephram
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I wouldn't worry about Facebook likes if I were you. Facebook is not a reflection of real life, it's a false, made up world.



 
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Old Apr 20th, 2017, 07:09 AM   19
Jessicahide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mum_Cupcake View Post
Wow, you're all so super supportive and great at insulting someone you don't know purely because you assume and accuse them of using another for their own self-esteem. . . great job! I'm sure theres a rule somewhere on here about insulting people, if not there should be.

Kat079 I would ignore all the negative here, it's clear to me when bringing up the subject of friendship everyone gets very touchy.
I haven't experienced your struggle, though I have experienced your friends grief of a mc, and I agree though she may seem ok deep down she may not be, her lack interest seen as it appears to not be an uncommon thing, may just be the way she is but only you would know that. You've known her 7 1/2 years and seen the things she gone through, that kind of stuff can change a person as you've most likely seen it change her first hand. I can understand your frustration, someone you saw as a close friend has drifted and it hurts, but people who go through a lot of bad things tend to push those they care about away.
If I was honestly in your position I would just try and talk to her when or where you can, just say hi ask how she is, when she wants to talk she will.
Good luck





 
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Old May 3rd, 2017, 07:09 AM   20
petite ping
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I wouldn't be bothered about it. I'm not that interested in other people's kids even those of close friends. I don't particularly expect them to be interested in mine beyond a few polite enquiries when we meet.



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