postnatal depression.

I have suffered from severe depression on and off since i was 17 and a couple of years back it got so bad i was almost sectioned, only reason i wasnt was because i agreed to go to the hospital and stay there till i saw someone.

Well during pregnancy i had some really low moments, but i know our hormones are all over the place so i took it that it was just one of those things and left it at that, as i would have good and bad days, just like everyone else.

Well I didnt have an easy birth wont go into details but we almost lost Mya twice and then when she was born and placed onto my chest I began throwing up so she was taken from me so i didnt get skin to skin with her, then I couldnt do anything for a week n a half after as my stitchs came loose and i got a bad infection so my OH had to do everything for her, I do wonder if I have missed out on precious bonding time.

Now I want to make it clear I love my daughter very very much and i would do anything for her, she is a very good baby at almost a month old she sleeps thru the night and is a very happy baby.

The problem is with me, I am super snappy with my OH over the tiniest of things, I feel totally alone, even tho he is here all the time with me and i feel totally shut off from the world but i dont seen to have the confidence to get out there and meet other mums.

Today my OH jokingly made a comment and i lost it, walked away from him switched off the breakfast i was cooking and started to get bits ready to take Mya out with me, he refused to let me take her in the mood i was in (which i cant blame him for) and so i grabbed my keys and walked out the door (in leggings and a long tshirt in the snow).

I was fumming and walked to the local park where i sat on a bench and broke down into tears, i must have been there for at least 20 mins sobbing my heart out when a couple came over and asked if i was ok, i just said yeah thanks and walked back home.

I dont know whats wrong with me, I feel so up and down and i am worried this could be the start of Postnatal Depression. I was told whilst preggers that i would have extra support after the birth but i havent had any, only thing i know i will be getting extra is a questionaire from the hv when mya is 10wks old.

what do you think i should do???, i am worried if i admit i am having small problems now that they will think i cant cope when i can with Mya its everything else thats getting to me, but then i also worry if i leave it things will just get worse and worse and i dont want to be anywhere near as bad as i was 2 years ago.

You need to go to your GP NOW. If you leave things it will not get better, only worse and you owe it to yourself and to your OH and Mya to get yourself sorted ASAP.
Noone is going to judge you or think you cant cope with Mya, thats not how it works so the sooner you get yourself some help the better.
Book an appointment tomorrow morning.

you need to see ur GP hun, they can do wounders no1 will think differently of you but do see the GP if it is best to nipp it in the bud

huge hugs and if u ever want a chat pm me x

Aw bless you honey. The help is there - you have to ask for it. Chat to your oh (he's a goodun from what you've said throughout your pregnancy and now) and get him to go to the gp with you. You need his support, he'll understand the situation and also be able to tell the gp stuff you haven't thought important, as well as show the gp that you have support with Mya and that will hopefully eliminate your fear that they'll think you can't cope ( if that makes sense?).

Also, while I definitely think you need to see the GP , try not to panic too much. The fact that you're even considering you need help means you are still doing well. Oh I know what I mean - hope that makes some sense!

Xx

I can't believe that with your history they haven't kept a closer eye on you!! I agree with the other ladies you should go see your GP asap

A bloody questionnaire

I agree. Sounds like an NHS arse covering exercise to me. Bloody joke!

Bless you. Its so horrible feeling like that. I felt exactly the same... the first 6 weeks or so I felt completely lost and miserable. I felt isolated and scared and cried loads... I had a difficult labour too and also was throwing up so bad after that I couldn't hold Stan for ages. I was so exhausted afterwards that I don't think I really even looked at him properly for the 1st day or so - all I wanted to do was sleep.

I don't have a history of depression, but there have been times in those first weeks where I thought I had PND. One evening I was bathing Stan and he would not stop crying - OH was cooking in the kitchen, and the sound of him crying made me so agitated that I just screamed!! and OH came running in and I just said 'take him take him away from me' and I cried for ages.

But, as I caught up on sleep and Stan started to cry less and we learnt about him - ie. is he hungry? tired? cold? hot? windy? etc. it became easier. I did consider speaking to my GP but in the end I was too scared. However now Stan is 11 weeks I feel a lot better about it all, I really enjoy it.

I did feel really guilty because I thought I was a bad mum as I resented having to get up in the night, I hated the sound of him crying and I hated not being able to just pop out anymore (sounds so selfish, but it was alll a real shock to me). So the guilt made me feel worse.

I read so many things - on here and other places about how much everyone loves being a mum, how great it is, how much they love their babies... and I thought I was the only one who didn't feel like that! But actually I think most people have moments like us... it is the most difficult thing I have ever done and nothing NOTHING would have prepared me for it.

If you think it cold be PND (and considering your history) then I would go to your GP - you'd be braver than me. But also remember that you are not the only one who has felt like this - and being a new mum is the hardest, most exciting, emotional, exhausting and rewarding thing we will ever do! It will get better. I promise

I'm not trying to steal your thunder here, but your story sounds very similar to mine. And I had a questionnaire when I was pregnant to see how I was coping

I agree with the other ladies that you should talk with your OH, and get to your GP as soon as you can, before it gets any worse. I'm sure you know that the longer you leave it, the worse it will get, and you want to get better as soon as you can for your own sake as well as Mya's.

Don't fret though, I had 'baby blues' when Jacob was about Mya's age and it did pass within a couple weeks. Best to go and talk to someone now though.

We're all here for you, don't forget that xxx

Aw hun, as the other girls have said, try and see your GP or HV. I'm sure they will be able to help and offer good advice. No one will judge you if you ask for help, I did when Joe was about 2 months old and it was the best thing I ever did, both for him and me.
If you ever need to talk, we are all here for you xx

If you haven't done so already, please speak to your GP.

I'm rather surprised they didn't keep a closer eye on you or offer additional assistance considering the depression you've experienced in the past.

No one will blame you and the sooner you get help, the better it will be for both you and the little one.

I went through the same thing (and still have moments from time to time). Thankfully with help received from my doctor, the nurses here in the region and some other folks, things are getting better. On occasion, hubby still tells me to take a time out, etc but much better than before.

Things will get better and know there are always people here on the board as well who will listen, offer hugs and advice.