Anybody finding motherhood a little lonely?

MarineWAG · Oct 5th, 2010, 14:45 PM

DS will be 2 weeks tomorrow and I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming. It doesn't help he's going through a growth spurt atm which is very demanding. But I am finding it so hard I can't lie. My OH is military and can only be home on weekends atm, he only got 4 days paternity and I'm worried he's not bonding properly (more so baby to him rather than him to baby) but I live with my parents atm until OH and I can live together so I have a lot more support than most but still finding it really lonely??? I don't know if it is because I am BF so I feel like all the pressure is on me, there's only so much other people can do to help atm when feeding is obviously the most demanding thing atm (while I am getting to grips with it). I just feel really teary, and keep reflecting back on time before he was here. I love him to pieces, he is gorgeous and I am very proud, but I was so niave before.

silver_penny · Oct 5th, 2010, 14:48 PM

These feelings are totally normal! I got them after the birth of both of my babies.

It does get better. Might help talking through your feelings with your OH.

snapex · Oct 5th, 2010, 14:53 PM

I know exactly how you feel, honestly.
I've got post natal depression from where I get so lonely even though my OH lives with me and I found the best way for me to be happy from day to day and not sit around the house trying not to cry was to take myself out as much as i could while he was a work.
my advice to you would be to call up some friends, go hang out with them and bring your son. Show him off and while he's asleep you and your friends could have a coffee and catch up or walk around the shops. Or even just take him out into town and do whatever you want. I found that as stupid as it seems when your feeling like that, getting some you time [with baby of course] is just as helpful as meeting friends. If not better because your not constantly reminded of what your 'missing'. If you do go out by yourself while the baby sleeps [*fingers crossed*] you can focus on yourself and pick things out for you instead of being too busy looking after him to even care about so much as brushing your hair.

hope this helped in some way

ginab · Oct 5th, 2010, 14:54 PM

Yep i felt exactly the same.they are very normal feelings especially with you OH away. I went on here and shared my feelings like your doing and spoke about it to other mums it made me feel a whole lot better. Im not far from Wales, which part are you in? I met a girl at the hosp the same day Maggie was born and i was struggling a bit mentally and physically with being a new Mum and confided in her all.she could say in reply was how well shes coping and how good her baby was. I sacked her off she was just making me feel awful so surround yourself with people who can sympathise with you and help xx

Baby France · Oct 5th, 2010, 15:02 PM

It is lonely and a shock to the system! I agree with snapex get out of the house, the fresh air will do you world of good. Organise to see friends etc...

I made a friend through my antenatal class - we met again at the weighing clinic and we became such good friends and still are! We meet up every week with our little ones, I've got another now and she's expecting again so will be off again together.

Try and get to parent groups, you'll always meet a 'competition' mum but I bet they'll be someone else there, who'll feel just like you!

Sazzoire · Oct 5th, 2010, 15:34 PM

I try and have 'something' planned every day... we do baby social, baby massage, swimming and pushy mums... this is for my benefit more than babies as being in the house all the time was driving me mad. I even came on here and moaned that I was friend-less.... I have met up a couple of lovely ladies from here and netmums as well as at my activities.. I would of gone stir-crazy otherwise.

It will get better sweetie

xx

cleckner04 · Oct 5th, 2010, 15:38 PM

Definitely try to get out there when you feel up to it and at least try to join a playgroup. My DH is in the navy and has been gone more than he's here so I know just how you feel. As Emma gets older I feel less lonely because she interacts and has a little personality now that keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of missing my DH. And I finally found a nice playgroup that I meet with once a week. It really helps the time go faster. Your feelings are very normal.

terridee69 · Oct 5th, 2010, 15:42 PM

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way and I still do sometimes. Especially that all the pressure is on me.

I have found that getting out for a walk or a bit of shopping does make things seem much better. I am going for the first time tomorrow to a Mum's and baby group, see how that goes. I have got a few friends that all had babies at the same time but they seem to hav disappeared now LO's are here.... So I guess I'm gonna be making some new ones.

Your not alone though, and it will get better

Oct 5th, 2010, 14:45 PM	#1
MarineWAG Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: UK Posts: 4,610	Anybody finding motherhood a little lonely? DS will be 2 weeks tomorrow and I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming. It doesn't help he's going through a growth spurt atm which is very demanding. But I am finding it so hard I can't lie. My OH is military and can only be home on weekends atm, he only got 4 days paternity and I'm worried he's not bonding properly (more so baby to him rather than him to baby) but I live with my parents atm until OH and I can live together so I have a lot more support than most but still finding it really lonely??? I don't know if it is because I am BF so I feel like all the pressure is on me, there's only so much other people can do to help atm when feeding is obviously the most demanding thing atm (while I am getting to grips with it). I just feel really teary, and keep reflecting back on time before he was here. I love him to pieces, he is gorgeous and I am very proud, but I was so niave before.

Status: Online

Oct 5th, 2010, 14:48 PM	#2
silver_penny Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Arizona, USA Posts: 1,628	These feelings are totally normal! I got them after the birth of both of my babies. It does get better. Might help talking through your feelings with your OH.

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Oct 5th, 2010, 14:53 PM	#3
snapex Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: London Posts: 144	I know exactly how you feel, honestly. I've got post natal depression from where I get so lonely even though my OH lives with me and I found the best way for me to be happy from day to day and not sit around the house trying not to cry was to take myself out as much as i could while he was a work. my advice to you would be to call up some friends, go hang out with them and bring your son. Show him off and while he's asleep you and your friends could have a coffee and catch up or walk around the shops. Or even just take him out into town and do whatever you want. I found that as stupid as it seems when your feeling like that, getting some you time [with baby of course] is just as helpful as meeting friends. If not better because your not constantly reminded of what your 'missing'. If you do go out by yourself while the baby sleeps [fingers crossed] you can focus on yourself and pick things out for you instead of being too busy looking after him to even care about so much as brushing your hair. hope this helped in some way

Status: Offline

Oct 5th, 2010, 14:54 PM	#4
ginab Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Herefordshire Posts: 1,252	Yep i felt exactly the same.they are very normal feelings especially with you OH away. I went on here and shared my feelings like your doing and spoke about it to other mums it made me feel a whole lot better. Im not far from Wales, which part are you in? I met a girl at the hosp the same day Maggie was born and i was struggling a bit mentally and physically with being a new Mum and confided in her all.she could say in reply was how well shes coping and how good her baby was. I sacked her off she was just making me feel awful so surround yourself with people who can sympathise with you and help xx

Status: Offline

Oct 5th, 2010, 15:02 PM	#5
Baby France Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Cuckoo Land! Posts: 9,660	It is lonely and a shock to the system! I agree with snapex get out of the house, the fresh air will do you world of good. Organise to see friends etc... I made a friend through my antenatal class - we met again at the weighing clinic and we became such good friends and still are! We meet up every week with our little ones, I've got another now and she's expecting again so will be off again together. Try and get to parent groups, you'll always meet a 'competition' mum but I bet they'll be someone else there, who'll feel just like you!

Status: Offline

Oct 5th, 2010, 15:34 PM	#6
Sazzoire Waiting To Try (WTT) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Posts: 2,067	I try and have 'something' planned every day... we do baby social, baby massage, swimming and pushy mums... this is for my benefit more than babies as being in the house all the time was driving me mad. I even came on here and moaned that I was friend-less.... I have met up a couple of lovely ladies from here and netmums as well as at my activities.. I would of gone stir-crazy otherwise. It will get better sweetie xx

Status: Offline

Oct 5th, 2010, 15:38 PM	#7
cleckner04 Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Edon, oh Posts: 21,293	Definitely try to get out there when you feel up to it and at least try to join a playgroup. My DH is in the navy and has been gone more than he's here so I know just how you feel. As Emma gets older I feel less lonely because she interacts and has a little personality now that keeps me busy and keeps my mind off of missing my DH. And I finally found a nice playgroup that I meet with once a week. It really helps the time go faster. Your feelings are very normal.

Status: Offline

Oct 5th, 2010, 15:42 PM	#8
terridee69 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Wellingborough, UK Posts: 492	I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way and I still do sometimes. Especially that all the pressure is on me. I have found that getting out for a walk or a bit of shopping does make things seem much better. I am going for the first time tomorrow to a Mum's and baby group, see how that goes. I have got a few friends that all had babies at the same time but they seem to hav disappeared now LO's are here.... So I guess I'm gonna be making some new ones. Your not alone though, and it will get better

Status: Offline

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