OK, this is gonna be a long 'un.

Basically, the situation with my husband's parents is really getting me down. I really don't know what the best thing to do is and my head is just going round in circles.

Some background for you, so it all makes more sense; I've been with my OH for nearly 10 years, since we were kids, and throughout the whole time he's never been close to his parents. His mum in particular is a tyrant and would regularly get drunk in the evenings (and sometimes days) and tell my OH and his three siblings that she hates them, that they have ruined her life and she can't wait for them to have kids so that they will hate them too.

She was seeing a counsellor for a while but it almost made it worse as she would come home and say that the counsellor agrees with her that they are evil and selfish. The kids were definitely none of these things, but my OH would often stand up to her and look after his little sisters, so she hates him the most.

I remember she said she was keeping your youngest daughter (11 at the time) fat on purpose so she would be like her.

Anyway, there is a vast catalogue of spiteful things she has done and said to her children over the years, and as soon as my OH was old enough, he moved in with me and my parents, who treat him like a son.

So fast forward 10 years and we are now married with a little baby girl and very happy, but since she has been born I have felt really strongly that I don't want them in our lives. Before she was born there were some big fallings out in his family, and my OH warned them that one more fuck up and they wouldn't see us again.

Some examples of recent things they have done which upset me:

When my OH went round there to tell them I was in hospital having a miscarriage, his mum said 'oh great, that's another one of my kids who can't use contraception'.

My OH's brother had an affair and left his wife and three kids (our nieces and nephew), and we went to visit the kids and his ex wife (who was having chemotherapy at the time), which made us 'selfish' and 'taking sides' and 'think we're too good for them'.

She frightened my niece by telling her that her mum (the ex wife) was evil and had gone mad. (She hadn't, she had gone home to her family to get over the break up and recover from an illness.)

Complained that they weren't involved in the wedding and were being pushed out, so my OH asked her if she wanted to help him buy a suit and she shouted at him and said he owed her £100 from three years ago.

Threatened not to come to the wedding a week before, while I was 7 months pregnant.

Came over to house after Lily was born, snatched her off my OH and turned round to me and said 'put the kettle on'.


Basically, I've just had enough of them. I don't want to know them and I don't want Lily to know them. I don't feel like she would missing out as we have a large and happy extended family as it is, and I also just can't bear the idea of them playing happy families and having no accountability for their actions.

My OH has been great, and has always told them they are in the wrong etc, but he think I am overreacting now and he says they have no say over our lives at all and we only see them very occassionally and he wants to leave it at that. I can totally understand where he's coming from, but I literally can't bear the thought of them getting close to Lily.

I have said one more thing to upset me and that will be the last of it, but it seems like it's been 'one more chance' for years and I've had enough of it.

I don't think they will bring one positive thing into Lily's life.

There's also the complication of his extended family, who would find it very hard if we cut out his parents. I think everyone needs to break free from his mum to be honest, and do what they want to do and see who they want to see in life, but I do understand that it would be hard for them.

My OH went to see them at the weekend and his mum said she is going to buy Lily a Halloween outfit. It's making me upset now thinking about them coming over and wanting to dress her up, and acting like everything is normal and it's not. They've ruined it. I don't want them near us. If they ever ever upset Lily it would be my fault for allowing them.

What do I do? Would it create just too much family drama if I cut them out, would that be harmful to Lily in the long run? Do I carry on as we are, just seeing them the bare minimum, and just get over my feelings about it?

What would you do?

I cut out my step dad, he also has been awful for years and years and a few months ago he yelled at me while I was 8months pregnant infront if my son scaring the life out of him and I decided enough was enough. I didn't want that bad influence or my boys seeing what he does and says.
My mum was fuming but I didn't care, she has never been a 'mum' and let her husband treat her children horribly. She's accepted now that he doesn't cone near me and my family but I allow her to cone visit when she wants.
Life has been so much easier, my step dad has now however kicked my sister out after she wouldn't pay him £1000 a month rent! My mum just stands by and let's her daughter go homeless, just like when they kicked me out when I was pregnant with my first. So it'll be hard but I feel like I don't want a relationship with her either.
Sorry for my rambling, for me it was a hard choice but the best desicion for me and my boys.

you seriously have to sit down with your OH and talk it thru, im not gunna say if you should cut them out or not but she doesnt sound like a nice person id want around my kids! X

She sounds like an evil cow. BUT, and it doesn't matter what she does, you oh will always love her to some degree even though she doesn't deserve it.

If I were you, I would let her hang herself with her own rope. I suspect she will make another cock up and then your oh will call time on their relationship. Let him make that choice though, I certainly wouldn't pressure him. If he makes the decision on his own more likely that sone of the extended family will stay in touch - whereas if you are the one who presses the issue, as the "outsider" it will be more badly recieved.

Just IMHO.

I'm sorry she's such a witch.

I would agree with this also.
Sorry to hear that things are so bad for you and your family, I hope you find the happiness it sounds like you all deserve xxx

Thank you all so much for your input, it really helps having other people's POV.

I think I do definitely need to talk about it more with the OH, you're right, and I am well up for the suggestion of giving them enough rope to hang themselves and then letting it be my OH who calls the shots. Bless him, it's really not easy for him. We used to be totally on the same page about it and I was happy to follow him in what he though was best, but it was like a switch went off when my daughter was born and I just never want to see them again.

Thanks again for your advice, and thanks for reading, what an essay!

I think it's natural for you to want to protect Lily. You have seen and put up with the hurt your MIL has caused but don't want her to go through the same.

I do agree with the other ladies about talking to your OH, good luck