Honey I can only repeat what others have said, your baby your rules if your not happy when you get there then pick up lo and leave. The sooner you stand up for yourself the better or she'll (they'll) walk all over you
You've not mentioned your own family so I kind of guess you don't have any. Have you a social worker or HV who can help you ?
I think you and df need relationship counselling - he is not acting like a partner but a bully trying to undermine your feelings and opinions by telling you you are lying/mad etc etc
I think you need to be braver with df and also don't let him rattle you - find a way to stall the conversation while you get your responses together -eg when he accuses you of lying a good "I beg your pardon who do you think you are?" might stall him enough for you to regroup with your train of thought - puff out you chest (mentally anyway) fill your frame and feel how strong you are, stand tall, feel confident - you've given birth you can do anything - you are a strong mother and will not take this shit anymore - if df doesn't like it he can fuck off to the far side of fuck - he is lucky to even breath the same air as you and if he wants to carry on then he man's up and cuts those apron strings.
As for the sordid xbox thing - tell him you are not stupid and that if it doesn't stop immediately then you're off!
Do you have family nearby?
ps talking about this with him and the hv might be a good start - he needs someone else to tell him his bonkers mother and his ridiculous dependence on her and both his and her behaviours are out of order.
Seriously who plays mind games with a new mummy - df is a twat! And his mother is a tool
sorry for ranting but am also angry on your behalf!
me and him had a argument last night, i caught him talking to a girl on xbox . I have watched him talk to her for the last few nights so last night i decided to ask why he felt the need to talk to other women when he should be in bed spending time with me,
Wow, that started something. The same old rubbish came out how about how I always make shit up.
I really dont know how to express myself to him without him always saying its lies?
This tactic is called gaslighting, and it's abuse. It's a form of psychological abuse and he needs to stop it now or you need to get out.
To be fair, I think you need to take your baby and split ASAP. I know it's scary, but it's even scarier to think of your poor little girl growing up thinking its normal for men to act that way. Get some help and get out of there.
OMG I haven't read all the replies but just OMG. Tell her now to delete the video that is just absolutely disgusting and outrageous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be rude to her, how dare she!!! Send her a solicitors letter if she refuses. That is some seriously overpowering and weird sh*t.
Uh, wouldn't a birth being videotaped without your consent rise to sexual assault?? I'm not familiar with UK law but here in Canada that could very well be deemed so.
It's 2 weeks postpartum, you are very vulnerable, I know you've gotten a lot of advice here but can you tell someone you trust? Like your mother? Tell her/that person what you have told us. Let them help you get out of a terrible situation.
Wow, just wow. Seriously I'm actually stunned at how inappropriate this woman has been especially regarding the whole videoing the birth thing. That's just utterly disgusting and disrespectful behaviour. It's absolutely appalling that your oh doesn't see it that way.
The other ladies have given you the best advice and I have no more to add. I agree that your oh's behaviour in making you feel as though you're in the wrong is a form of bullying and you really need to resolve this issue now. Youve said your confidence is already low following the birth and his behaviour is only going to make it worse to the point where you'll never feel able to stand up for yourself.
If you do have family you can go to then I'd go stay with them for a couple of days to get some head space. It might be the kick up the backside he needs to make him see what a total dickhead he's being.
That video 100% needs deleting and I really hope you were at least able to get that issue dealt with today while you were at your mil's house. As for her wanting your lo over night, at 2 weeks old that is one of the most ridiculous requests I have ever heard. I mean I know my mil would dearly love to have my lo stay with her but I also know she isn't stupid enough to actually think that's ok at that age. Your baby is still brand new and needs her mummy. Of you're breastfeeding then you can just use that excuse for now but to be honest I don't see why you need to give 'excuses', you need to be totally up front and honest and just say there's no way either you or your lo are ready to be apart yet. Sod whatever your oh has to say on the subject, a mothers bond with her baby is totally different to that of the bond with the father. My eldest daughter is 20 months old and didn't stay away from me for the night until she was nearly a year old and that was only because I needed someone to have her not just cos my mil wanted her. Even then I stayed at mil's until she went to bed and I was there to pick her up after her breakfast the next morning. Since then she's only stayed a handful of times away from me. My time with my girls is far too precious and these early years fly by far to fast to allow someone else to spend so much time with them. My lo is bottlefed and i dont allow anyone but me and my husband to feed her as i feel that right now while shes still so young its a privalidge and a bonding experience that should be kept for the parents alone. We make sure we see my parents and my husbands most weekends so that they all get to spend time with our girls but we're there too.
Thankfully my mil will simply offer her baby sitting services and just leave the offer on the table, that way it's up to us if and when we take her up on it. She knows not to press the issue.
I really hope you find the strength to stand up for yourself. Please please don't be bullied into doing things you aren't comfortable with. I promise you you'll regret it in years to come.
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