ooooh so tempted.
Hes taking LO to see her tomorrow, and i'd decided not to go, but now i'm thinking i might just pop down with him! Thankyou all.. Sick of being made to look spiteful, when my way makes more sence!

You aren't being spiteful, you are just expecting a little effort from someone who shouts because she wants LO for special occasions.

If she can't make the effort ever, she obviously doesn't care enough. I'd say that LO going there without you is rewarding her horrible behaviour and OH is giving her just what she wants.

Just thought I'd do a quick update.
Since this thread, we all went to visit MIL who was at her other grandchildrens house, babysitting them! - anyways I was very civil with her and let her spend time with LO. The she refused to make any effort after that saying she wouldn't ever be coming to our house after everything that's happend because she wouldn't feel comfortable. I then received some messages on facebook off my SIL and OHs aunty (by marriage) basically telling me to grow up and that I'm not doing what's best for my daughter by not allowing MIL in her life!! I haven't stopped her, she ust refuses to be involved! I basically told them to well, fuck off as they too haven't bothered with my LO and couldn't possibly know what's best for her when they don't know her. Their comments were pretty vile! And OH refused to stick by me and never said a word while they hinted that I was a bad mum! I have put my foot down now and MIL won't be seeing LO until she shows she even cares! Its so upsetting that she doesn't seem bothered about her
I seen my SIL in the shop and she blanked me completely and I was with LO! If they had bothered to get to know me, they would know I'm no pushover.. But I will never ever use LO as a weapon so whe they decide that they're missing out.. Me and LO will be waiting!!

Good on u hun, n keep ur foot down, if anyone ever hinted I was a bad mum n my oh don't say anythin he'd b one very sorry man, I tell him to fuck off since u seem to agree wit them by not standin up for me the mother of ur child (not that u shud, its wat I wud do) I wouldn't even let ur oh take ur lo to his mums, she wants to see her she can come to urs.

Xx

we didn't speak for four days because I was so disappointed and urt by him! But were slowly getting better. But no, she wot be setting foot in her house! She hasn't even text or sent a card for LOs first easter , pretty sure her other grandchildren will more than likely have a yacht each lol! Thanks hun xx

Have you had a proper conversation with your OH about this, when neither of you is feeling upset? Does he understand that you'd be happy for his Mum to be involved with LO if only she were willing to put in a bit of effort?

Does his Mum understand that? (From what you've written, it sounds as if she's feeling very upset and defensive. Just wondering if there's a chance she feels completely shut out, and doesn't realise you're waiting for her to make a gesture of good faith?)

OH knows I'm quite happy for MIL to see LO. I even said she only had to come down once to show she's making an effort and then I'd happily go to hers everyday! I've also said I would be grateful if she asked to take LO out for the day or to Just have her! OH has told MIL this and she said she won't be coming to our house ever. I've said I don't understand why but she says she's sticking by her decision. We sent a card down yesterday from LO with her hand and foot prints painted on it and she text 'thanks for the card when is LO coming here?' I'm really hoping she hasn't got her grandsons something and not my LO. Thanks for replying xx

Sending lots of hugs your way. Stick to your guns and you have my sympathies, in laws can be a total nightmare xx

I just can't get my head around how someone thinks like that. So she knows that you (not just your OH) want her to be part of her GS's life, but just that you can't be the ones always making an effort? How could anyone think that was unreasonable?

Earlier in the thread you said she came by to your neighbours sometimes and waves at you. What would happen if you popped out and invited her in for a quick 'tea and a cuddle with LO'? Perhaps if it's very casual, she might not be so defensive?

She sounds a bit precious! I'd tell her to either meet halfway or see how she likes nothing. You'd soon figure out if she was a good MIL or not.