My husband and i have done nothing but fight for months. Sometimes its silly, sometimes its serious. He doesnt seem to grasp what i mean by support for PND. Despite sitting in on alomst every appointment ive had with my HV, GP, and the pyschiatric nurse that i was refferred to. I just cant cope with LO, i hate that i cant but its just how it is right now. If i am with him all day, i get stressed out, cant cope with his crying and find i get very angry with him. I'm scared i could hurt him if left alone with him too long.
Ive told this to him and all my medical professionals too. They seem to get it he doesnt. We are in the process of moving in with BIL due to finncial problems (partly caused by my not being able to return to work when first planned) The spare bedrroms have been used for storage for years so have needed a lot of work to be useable. When he went round there the other day planning to be there all day me and LO went to. I looked after LO but i feel more able to cope with other people there, and he just kept criticising. When i asked him and BIL to stop shouting to each other for five minutes so i could get LO to nap he snapped 'you didnt need to come here with him' at me. He doesnt seem to understand that i did, i cant be alone with baby all day, im scared i will hurt him.
He talked alone to my HV yesterday, then we she spoke to me again, she was talkign about getting me a social worker cos she thinks i might hurt baby or need extra support OH heard this. We argued again yesterday, so he stormed out, took bags with him, and my car. I dont know if hes left me, where hes gone (likely his brothers), when or if hes planning to come back. Meaning ive now been completly alone with LO for 24 hours now. I am developing SPD due to being pregnant so cant walk far from the house, and all my family live the otherside of town so i cant go there. I feel like he has locked me in the house with the baby. I can barely bring myself to talk to LO, i keep losing my temper and shoutitng at him. I feel so bad because hes just being a baby and doesnt understand how its affecting me.
I love LO and wish he had a better mummy than me. I'm useless, he likes watching mickey mouse on tv better than he likes me. Its only lunchtime and already im praying for bedtime, and my OH just doesnt seem to care, id love to have a night where i could leave lo and sleep all night and not hear him crying instead im stuck here alone with him. Theres very little food in the house but the shops are too far to walk too. LO needs prescriptionf formula but his doctors is too far for me to walk too.
OH makes comments that make me feel worse all the time, he doesnt seem to get that i already know how crap i am for LO, i already know in 10 years time i wont be able to look him in the eye becasue i will always remember how i feel about him now. and im ashamed of it, i dont need him to remind me.
I'm so tempted to call my Hv and have her get social workers to take my LO away, because he deserves so much better than me
I have no experience of depression but could not read that and not reply. I think you have been a good mummy. You have seen you need help and asked for it. You seem to have been let down by others, you HV, your doctor and most of all your OH. They obviously haven't given you the support you need. They need to help you organise a plan of action including activities to get you out of the house and also to give you the occasional break. Having a baby is hard work without PND. Being alone with the baby all day is even harder.
I do think you need to contact your HV again but not to have your LO taken away. You need to tell her you are not coping and that you need some more support. Do you have any friends or family that can come over right now and pick up your babies prescription formula and some food for you on the way? This is your priority for now. Once you have had something nice to eat and fed your baby you will be able to think clearer. You can ask for a repeat prescription over the phone x
Wish I lived in Scotland I'd be straight round to your house. X
Also it's the depression making you act angry with your baby not because you don't love him. You can try to focus that anger into something positive like seeking help. X
Trust me you baby needs you more than Mikey Mouse club, you are his whole world. Maybe when he's sleeping next you can whisper in his ear and apologise for getting angry. It may make you feel better to get things off your chest by telling him how you feel and and he will sense it too x it sound silly but it's kind of therapeutic. X
Aww its horrible feeling like that -hugs- i used to feel like that with my lo but didnt say anything to OH or any medical professional and dealt with it on my own which was a bad idea so its good you're getting help, im just getting over my overwhelming feeling and once it goes u feel so much better and so much love for your baby. Good luck xx
first of all
please please do not think your LO would be better with someone else! you just need more support. try to get family or friends to bring you food and formula for the baby, and be with you so you can have a rest or at least not be alone.
as weezie said, do tell your LO what's happening to you, it will def make you feel better
Aww I think you need a break arrange a night away to your family explain to your OH you need some you time to recharge your batteries- you will not be a bad mum for leaving him for a day and anight - I'm sure you would come back a lot calmer and less stressed.
Also I'm sure your Lo loves you a lot more than a tv programme your child's love for you is unconditional I have for fustrasted with my girl and I feel bad after but she doesn't remember she will still want me for a cuddle or food later.
You sound like you have a lot going on atm with the new bubba moving etc. Just get away and relax- happy mum =happy baby. You sound like a fantastic mum just by trying to get help and asking for support.
Please don't have your LO taken away - it's something you'll truly regret when you get better. PND is something that passes in time. Are you on any medication for it? I got put on Zoloft for it, and I feel completely normal again. I felt similarly to the way you're feeling, and all I needed was some medication to feel better. Some people need more, that's true, but this is something you WILL get through, and it WILL go away. It's very common to have PND.
My only advice other than seeking out medication for it is that when you get frustrated with your LO, just put him down. Even if you put him down in his bed and then go outside so you can't hear him cry just until you've cooled down. It's worth it to let him cry so you don't do anything you'll regret. You definitely need a friend or family member close by to help you out or something. Please ask somebody to come by and help you out or even to take your LO off your hands for a day or two. It would do wonders for you, I'm sure.
I hate to scare you, but chances are you'll develop PND again with the next one. Please do all you can to figure out how to deal with this now so you'll be more prepared if it does happen again.
Thanks everyone. I phoned the doctors so his prescription is being processed and will be ready to collect tomorrow. I didnt even think about doing that.
With regards to phoning family/friends. they dont really kno whats going on. We dont talk about depression in my family. I used to self harm, i'd been doing it for about a year when my mum finally noticed. And all she said was that was stupid wasnt it and grounded me for a week. So i started cutting elsewhere where she wouldnt see the marks and they took it to mean i was better. It was never mentioned again. I work in the same shop as my month and despite me being signed off sick for over a month now she just keeps calling it stress at work and making out like im just taking extra time off because i can. I told my older siister that its PND and all she said was u seem fine to me. None of them know about the pyschiatric nurse. I dont honestly believe they would come as they ar all so busy. Ive lived in my house for a year now and my mother has never visited me.
I just always wanted to 'fit' somewhere i expected having someone promise to love me meant that i did but my husband sees being with me as a job. i just want him to love me and help me feel better.
The nurse is coming tomorrow to see me, she has talked abouta volunteer scheme she has put me forward for when another mum comes to the house to spend time with me and LO and help me learn how to play with him. shes also referring us for marriage counselling, i guess i just wish i knew if he was coming back.
My gut tells me hes probably at his brothers working on clearing space for us to move into and will come back about bathtime tonight but what if im wrong? LO looked so confused last night as daddy usually puts him to bed it made me sad to know he was wondering where daddy was.
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