Lo wants his granny more than me

MummyinJune · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:28 AM

Anyone else?
It really upsets me.
For varius reasons i am still living with my mum (though we are hoping to be out in the next couple of months) so lo sees my mum alot.
Dont get me wrong its so nice to have someone to help as oh doesnt like 2 lol.
Ovb i do all the nappies, changing clothes, baths, bedtime, meals etc but he does see her alot, as i will sit with her alot.
But if im holding lo and he sees my mum he starts crying, somtimes screaming for her, or if shes holding him and i put my hands out he doesnt want to come to me (unless its bed time) And it really upsets me.
Mum does spoil him and ive told her that shes going to have to stop picking him up so much. (this is her first grand child btw)
She really likes it though as she always says when he goes to her 'You love your grannys cuddles dont you'
I somtimes say to her hes only going 2 u because you spoil him, it makes me feel a bit better, and she always says no its just because he loves me.

I know she doesnt realise that its hurting me and she just enjoys the cuddles

Weezie123 · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:39 AM

I don't think you can spoil them with cuddles and if you're busy it's nice your baby can get them from your mum. I'm sure he knows you're his mummy, don't worry. It's better than a grandma who won't help out at all. I'm not sure how you can ration cuddles? X for her to gloat over it or hope your little one likes her more would be wrong but to want to cuddle him isn't. Are you around all day? Could you cuddle him more yourself instead? X

MummyinJune · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:43 AM

Yea im here all day, He gets cuddles from me whenever he wants, but he chooses my mums cuddles over mine.
I know she doesnt spoil him but it makes me feel better telling her that, i would hate to think everyone else thinks he prefers her to me aswell.
I dont want him to stop getting cuddles, but he will scream if she doesnt pick him up (Whether im holding him first of if hes just decided he wants up himself)

Weezie123 · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:45 AM

Poor you. I can see how that would make you feel bad. I'm sure it will pass. Not sure what to suggest. Someone else may have good advise x

pinksapphire · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:52 AM

My niece was like this with my parents (nobody else got a look in)when she was little and one day my SIL broke down to my mum and said she's last on the list of people her daughter wants. My mum replied that in my nieces eyes there is only ever one person who is top of that list in the eyes of my niece and that is my SIL as she is her mother who is and always will be no 1 in LO eyes even if it doesn't feel like it.

nicki01 · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:52 AM

Im sure it will pass, Charlie used to put her arms out and quite happily go to our friends who she has only seen 2 or 3 times and then wouldnt want to come back to me. i used to hate it, its only know that she will cuddle into me if someone tries to take her from me or if she is with someone and spots me she cries and puts her arms out!
Its nice to know that she wants me but also a struggle if im trying to do something lol

MrsHedgehog · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:54 AM

I can understand how you feel. We live in an appartment in MILs house so LO sees her granny a lot. She loves her granny but I'm terrified that one day she'll want to go to granny more than me since she gets spoiled by granny. I know that MIL will make me out to be the bad guy as every time I leave LO alone for a few minutes if I nip to the loo or whatever she says stuff like "Has mummy left you all alone, never mind, granny's here" I want LO to have a good relationship with her grandparents but obviously I want to be the favourite!

heathersa · Apr 5th, 2012, 04:57 AM

James won't let me cuddle him anymore, he's too busy crawling about! The only time is when he's tired and going to bed! He will sit cuddling my mum for ages though! I don't mind though as I know he knows I'm his mum! Your LO won't prefere your mum, he just enjoys her cuddles!

chubbin · Apr 5th, 2012, 05:02 AM

This happened to me too, and it made me sad at the time.
Basically, JJ bonded with his Grandma sooner and more obviously than he did with me (and he only saw her once a week!)
Now, I am number one in his world - and perhaps I always was. It's easier to see now though cos he's older. Grandma is still very loved, but it's clear that he's a mummy's boy first and foremost.
Its always easier to see another person's bond with your child (as an observer) than your own bond. Especially when those first few months are such an exhausting slog sometimes. I also had the additional thing where our bond was a 'slow grower' rather than instant - which is normal and nothing to worry about if youre the same. Our bond is incredibly deep now

I am sure youre number 1 in his heart - and in time you'll see it more clearly xx

MummyinJune · Apr 5th, 2012, 05:07 AM

Thanks girls. I always think its because we live here, and like someone said, when i go 2 the toilet or shower, or nip to get somthing, hes left with mum, only for a little while though.
Heres hoping this will all change! (one reason i want to move so bad is so that IM is only carer - apart from oh haha)

Apr 5th, 2012, 04:28 AM	#1
MummyinJune Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,443	Lo wants his granny more than me Anyone else? It really upsets me. For varius reasons i am still living with my mum (though we are hoping to be out in the next couple of months) so lo sees my mum alot. Dont get me wrong its so nice to have someone to help as oh doesnt like 2 lol. Ovb i do all the nappies, changing clothes, baths, bedtime, meals etc but he does see her alot, as i will sit with her alot. But if im holding lo and he sees my mum he starts crying, somtimes screaming for her, or if shes holding him and i put my hands out he doesnt want to come to me (unless its bed time) And it really upsets me. Mum does spoil him and ive told her that shes going to have to stop picking him up so much. (this is her first grand child btw) She really likes it though as she always says when he goes to her 'You love your grannys cuddles dont you' I somtimes say to her hes only going 2 u because you spoil him, it makes me feel a bit better, and she always says no its just because he loves me. I know she doesnt realise that its hurting me and she just enjoys the cuddles

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Apr 5th, 2012, 04:39 AM	#2
Weezie123 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Hampshire Posts: 1,090	I don't think you can spoil them with cuddles and if you're busy it's nice your baby can get them from your mum. I'm sure he knows you're his mummy, don't worry. It's better than a grandma who won't help out at all. I'm not sure how you can ration cuddles? X for her to gloat over it or hope your little one likes her more would be wrong but to want to cuddle him isn't. Are you around all day? Could you cuddle him more yourself instead? X

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Apr 5th, 2012, 04:43 AM	#3
MummyinJune Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,443	Yea im here all day, He gets cuddles from me whenever he wants, but he chooses my mums cuddles over mine. I know she doesnt spoil him but it makes me feel better telling her that, i would hate to think everyone else thinks he prefers her to me aswell. I dont want him to stop getting cuddles, but he will scream if she doesnt pick him up (Whether im holding him first of if hes just decided he wants up himself)

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Apr 5th, 2012, 04:45 AM	#4
Weezie123 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Hampshire Posts: 1,090	Poor you. I can see how that would make you feel bad. I'm sure it will pass. Not sure what to suggest. Someone else may have good advise x

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2012, 04:52 AM	#5
pinksapphire Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: UK Posts: 299	My niece was like this with my parents (nobody else got a look in)when she was little and one day my SIL broke down to my mum and said she's last on the list of people her daughter wants. My mum replied that in my nieces eyes there is only ever one person who is top of that list in the eyes of my niece and that is my SIL as she is her mother who is and always will be no 1 in LO eyes even if it doesn't feel like it.

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2012, 04:52 AM	#6
nicki01 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: bournemouth Posts: 1,488	Im sure it will pass, Charlie used to put her arms out and quite happily go to our friends who she has only seen 2 or 3 times and then wouldnt want to come back to me. i used to hate it, its only know that she will cuddle into me if someone tries to take her from me or if she is with someone and spots me she cries and puts her arms out! Its nice to know that she wants me but also a struggle if im trying to do something lol

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2012, 04:54 AM	#7
MrsHedgehog Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Italy but from UK Posts: 1,711	I can understand how you feel. We live in an appartment in MILs house so LO sees her granny a lot. She loves her granny but I'm terrified that one day she'll want to go to granny more than me since she gets spoiled by granny. I know that MIL will make me out to be the bad guy as every time I leave LO alone for a few minutes if I nip to the loo or whatever she says stuff like "Has mummy left you all alone, never mind, granny's here" I want LO to have a good relationship with her grandparents but obviously I want to be the favourite!

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2012, 04:57 AM	#8
heathersa Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: manchester Posts: 257	James won't let me cuddle him anymore, he's too busy crawling about! The only time is when he's tired and going to bed! He will sit cuddling my mum for ages though! I don't mind though as I know he knows I'm his mum! Your LO won't prefere your mum, he just enjoys her cuddles!

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2012, 05:02 AM	#9
chubbin Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: South west england Posts: 1,528	This happened to me too, and it made me sad at the time. Basically, JJ bonded with his Grandma sooner and more obviously than he did with me (and he only saw her once a week!) Now, I am number one in his world - and perhaps I always was. It's easier to see now though cos he's older. Grandma is still very loved, but it's clear that he's a mummy's boy first and foremost. Its always easier to see another person's bond with your child (as an observer) than your own bond. Especially when those first few months are such an exhausting slog sometimes. I also had the additional thing where our bond was a 'slow grower' rather than instant - which is normal and nothing to worry about if youre the same. Our bond is incredibly deep now I am sure youre number 1 in his heart - and in time you'll see it more clearly xx

Status: Offline

Apr 5th, 2012, 05:07 AM	#10
MummyinJune Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Scotland Posts: 1,443	Thanks girls. I always think its because we live here, and like someone said, when i go 2 the toilet or shower, or nip to get somthing, hes left with mum, only for a little while though. Heres hoping this will all change! (one reason i want to move so bad is so that IM is only carer - apart from oh haha)

Status: Offline

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