It's so difficult Meg but I would seriously consider cosleeping. You then don't have to keep getting up and down. X your baby is so little x she can't settle herself and leaving her to cry is not the only choice she is obviously telling you she needs you close. What do your instincts tell you? Forget this "self soothing" thing it's just two words someone made up. It's an unrealistic expectation and pressure you are putting on yourself.
Don't worry about the "long term" ladies as it will pass in the blink of an eye.
There's nothing wrong with having your baby in with you. Your husbands are grown men and can understand the baby needs its mum just as much at night , your babies can't understand why they have to be alone at night. Otherwise you could make a makeshift bed on your babies bedroom floor and that way you're still not walking as far x
The HV advise probably won't work anyway. My baby was awake from 11am to 6pm last night and didn't sleep any differently to when he has a 2 hour afternoon nap. He doesn't sleep better when he eats loads of solids or when he breastfeeds more in the day. I'm not sure sleep is connected to these things it's just the baby.
Leaving them to cry all night makes sense to an adult as they can see it from an adults point of view but these are babies x
I'm sure you will do what is best for your family regardless but I would say if sleeping with you stops the tears even if the waking continues its worth it. Also you will not be so tired as you will be in bed resting rather than jumping up and down.
If you try CIO I won't judge you but I'm positive it's not the answer for you or your baby. My mum did it with my brother one night and she went in to him in the morning and he was frozen, covers kicked off, she though he was dead. He slept worse the next night and she's never got over the guilt. He was up sometimes every 20 mins or so until he was 18 months old. He just wasn't a good sleeper. He then sept through every night from then on. She had him in a separate room and it nearly killed her. What i'm trying to illustrate though is that he slept when he was ready to developmentally she didn't need to teach him anything. She wishes she had coslept or kept him in her room but my dad didn't want it.
You'll find a way to get through this. X
Thank you for your advice, I really don't want to do CIO as I feel she's too young but oh is really pressuring me to do it. I'm switching her over to formula as well as mybm is drying up and thinking maybe part of this is hunger. I read in. These books that there's no such thing as bad sleepers only parents who haven't taught there babies to sleep independently. If Feel like such a failure and living off 45 min naps a night.
I seriously feel your pain. My LO has been doing this since she was 3.5 months, and still wakes every 40 minutes and can't self settle. I co-sleep out of desperation, but I don't actually get any sleep because she wants to be latched on my boob and hits me in the face and kicks all night. Its really difficult. I won't let LO CIO, just because its something I'm not comfortable. I now leave her if she is having a grizzle but it always turns to crying with her anyway so I end up rocking of bfing her back to sleep.
Unfortunately, in a weird way, you get used to the lack of sleep. I get less than 2 hours a night, but it is now taking its toll on my health after so many months of it.
Sorry I have no advice, but I can sympathise
It's horrible isn't it...I let lo sleep inourbed out of desperation too butdoesn't seem to make a y difference. X
Oh hun I can't offer any advice but I just wanted to leave you massive
Will OH get up to settle LO to give you a breather until the next time? Like take turns?
My OH was exactly the same, I think men are programmed to withstand the crying a lot easier. I always refused to let my LO cry and have always gone in to him. My OH always used to tell me to leave him, that he'd settle himself. It's only now at 9 months old I will let him cry a little bit as he's in the tantrum/I don't want to go to bed yet stage. But if it's any longer than say 5 minutes I will go in to him still.
Your LO is too little to CIO yet as there is a reason for the crying at that young an age.
Maybe try co-sleeping as another poster suggested.
I don't think using cio at this age would do anything to help out too much in the future, except maybe get you a few hours of sleep one night, because I think she is still too young for any sleep training to actually work.
I agree with a lot of what has been said before, but I will add DO NOT TRY TO MAKE HER MORE TIRED BY KEEPING HER UP! I don't mean to yell, but I tried that out of desperation several times and it actually made it worse!!! I don't know how making a baby more tired makes them sleep worse, but it does (at least for my lo). Maybe babies are different, but I know people told me to do this and it made my life even worse for weeks.
The best night sleeps she has are when she has had 3 or more naps during the day and is well rested when she goes to bed. I am a reluctant co-sleeper (I have posted before about how I have my bedroom arranged so OH and I and LO and I can sleep safely together).
It will get better. I just keep telling myself that in a few years I will WISH she wants to spend any time with me, much less be cuddled in my arms for hours and I have found it easier to live without sleep knowing that.
Also, if you feel you need a rest, do you breastfeed? If so, maybe pump a little and make a bottle for your OH, or someone else to give LO so you can get a full nights sleep or take a long nap during the day. Honestly, you would be surprised how much only one full nights of rest can change perceptions! My OH took her for 6 hours straight one time so I could sleep and it was amazing!
If you want to breastfeed for longer, please ask this question in the bf forum because I will let you know that I am so glad I stuck to bfing, even though there were so many times I thought I was "drying up" and that she wasn't getting enough. She is now 99th percentile in weight, lol!
I go to kellymom.com for bf questions and particularly ones about problems like I have because I seem to have a baby who loves to "snack" throughout the day and night instead of have several huge meals (which is what i do, so I actually understand, lol)
I didn't mean to sound preachy, sorry. I completely sympathize with you. I have had to call OH home before because I was so tired I was hallucinating and I didn't feel safe with LO. I also cry all the time because I am so tired and I dread the night because I know I won't get sleep. It's not easy at all and sometimes I find myself getting mad at people who's babies sleep! I know, silly!
I think every baby is different and only you know what is right for yours.
Have you tried bringing her in your bed? Co sleeping saved my sanity on more than one occasion. Who ever told you there is no such thing as bad sleepers is talking utter crap! If that's the case how do you explain siblings where one STTN from 3 months and the second still wakes through the night till they are two.
Any form of sleep training that involves leaving your baby to cry on it's own does not teach your baby how to self settle. The only thing it teaches your baby is there is no point in crying because no ones going to come.
Is she in a grobag Hun ?!!
My lo was a nightmare then one night put him in a grobag and he was much better just a thought x
We put William who is now 10 months in a gro bagast night and he sttn for the first time!!
We weaned William at 4 months too and he was a lot more satisfied and happy and slept better at night, went 4-6 hours rather than 1-3!
It will pass but it's hard, CIO is something I dobt think works with babies so young and I could never leav a child to scream all night and sleep! I would be awake with my stomach in knots after 15 mins!
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