Oh wants to let lo cio all night - Page 4

ay2808 · Apr 9th, 2012, 05:13 AM

We are the same too. LO started sleeping really well after Xmas with just 2 short feeds but now it has totally gone out the window! I have resorted to cosleeping some nights and she does seem to be a bit more settled. She is a very happy and lively baby. I think she is funding the world so exciting the last thing she wants to do is sleep and miss out!

MegGriffin · Apr 9th, 2012, 09:06 AM

Thank you ladies...I've managed to talk oh out of CIO, at this age it seems mean and pointless not sure what she would learn from it at under 5 months.

We've agreed on being more consistent with pu/pd and to try to not to bf to sleep, so after lo has fallen asleep nursing I've been giving her kisses to wake her up slightly and then put her down drowsy. It seems to work in the sense that I've seen her self settle in the middle of the night (wake, grumble, then fall asleep) but its really hard to be so consistent at 2am, 3am, 4am etc etc when all you want to do is sleep.

Oh has got up more to help, although he still gets moody and angry with me if he has to be the one to get up and then will huff and complain so much that I end up settling lo myself.

I don't expect lo to sttn for like 8 hrs ESP being bf, but every 45-60 mins is too much for me. Will update in a couple weeks to let you know if it's worked at all.

Thank you all for your support and advice x

LPF · Apr 9th, 2012, 09:46 AM

Evan was such a bad sleeper until he was about 5.5/6 months. From 15-25 weeks he woke up all night long and never slept for more than 45 mins, could self settle, cried all the time. He was rubbish in the day too and wouldn't sleep anywhere except jiggled on my lap. It was definitely the sleep regression.

After 6 months he has slept 7-7 pretty much every night except for when he's Ill or teething.

I know it holds no comfort but it will pass xxx

Weezie123 · Apr 9th, 2012, 10:11 AM

Sounds like a lot of hard work to me Meg. Hope it works out for you. One thing I will say is that now at 9 months I still don't feel like my baby would really understand about why he couldn't feed to sleep anymore but if your little one settles with encouragement it may well work for you, fingers crossed x x

Just remember feeding to sleep is ok too if you make peace with it and it's normal for them to want it. I'm sure if you desperately want to change it you will though x

blhanson1 · Apr 9th, 2012, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MegGriffin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weezie123

It's so difficult Meg but I would seriously consider cosleeping. You then don't have to keep getting up and down. X your baby is so little x she can't settle herself and leaving her to cry is not the only choice she is obviously telling you she needs you close. What do your instincts tell you? Forget this "self soothing" thing it's just two words someone made up. It's an unrealistic expectation and pressure you are putting on yourself.

Don't worry about the "long term" ladies as it will pass in the blink of an eye.

There's nothing wrong with having your baby in with you. Your husbands are grown men and can understand the baby needs its mum just as much at night , your babies can't understand why they have to be alone at night. Otherwise you could make a makeshift bed on your babies bedroom floor and that way you're still not walking as far x

The HV advise probably won't work anyway. My baby was awake from 11am to 6pm last night and didn't sleep any differently to when he has a 2 hour afternoon nap. He doesn't sleep better when he eats loads of solids or when he breastfeeds more in the day. I'm not sure sleep is connected to these things it's just the baby.

Leaving them to cry all night makes sense to an adult as they can see it from an adults point of view but these are babies x

I'm sure you will do what is best for your family regardless but I would say if sleeping with you stops the tears even if the waking continues its worth it. Also you will not be so tired as you will be in bed resting rather than jumping up and down.

If you try CIO I won't judge you but I'm positive it's not the answer for you or your baby. My mum did it with my brother one night and she went in to him in the morning and he was frozen, covers kicked off, she though he was dead. He slept worse the next night and she's never got over the guilt. He was up sometimes every 20 mins or so until he was 18 months old. He just wasn't a good sleeper. He then sept through every night from then on. She had him in a separate room and it nearly killed her. What i'm trying to illustrate though is that he slept when he was ready to developmentally she didn't need to teach him anything. She wishes she had coslept or kept him in her room but my dad didn't want it.

You'll find a way to get through this. X

Thank you for your advice, I really don't want to do CIO as I feel she's too young but oh is really pressuring me to do it. I'm switching her over to formula as well as mybm is drying up and thinking maybe part of this is hunger. I read in. These books that there's no such thing as bad sleepers only parents who haven't taught there babies to sleep independently. If Feel like such a failure and living off 45 min naps a night.

Thank you again for all our advice x

Okay, so I haven't read all of the replies, but I saw this and had to comment. Pardon my language but fuck the parenting books. Honestly all they do is make you feel bad when your baby doesn't fit into the perfect mold.

You don't have to teach your baby to roll over or crawl or even walk. These are biologically programed developmental steps that happen at their own rate in each individual baby. Sleeping is a biological process that you don't need to teach. Babies sleep through when they are ready. It's not your fault you don't have an independent sleeper.

I just can't see how CIO at this age is going to help. Think about how awful you feel both physically and mentally when you spend a long time crying and no one comes to comfort you. Physically your have a headache, your eyes are puffy and burning, your throat hurts, your nose might be stuffy, you're probably tired but might not fall asleep because you feel alone and sad. I can't imagine a baby feels any differently. She's just a tiny little baby who needs comfort and doesn't understand why no one is there for her.

Anthropologically speaking, people have been sleeping with their babies since human kind began. It's only in the last hundred years or so that modern medicine and the parenting books have decided that babies need to be taught to sleep, alone and in a separate room, away from the warmth and comfort of their parents.

Honestly, I would do what works now. Don't worry about what may come down the line (i.e. co-sleeping will lead to a baby that never leaves your bed, etc.) Find a solution that works for you and your LO. You both need sleep. And the cycle of getting no sleep is hard on you both, and probably only escalating the problems.

I hope you get some rest one way or the other.

MegGriffin · Apr 9th, 2012, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weezie123

Sounds like a lot of hard work to me Meg. Hope it works out for you. One thing I will say is that now at 9 months I still don't feel like my baby would really understand about why he couldn't feed to sleep anymore but if your little one settles with encouragement it may well work for you, fingers crossed x x

Just remember feeding to sleep is ok too if you make peace with it and it's normal for them to want it. I'm sure if you desperately want to change it you will though x

I actually don't mind feeding to sleep, in fact I like it because it's easy and lo seems really relaxed, but am going to be moving onto formula and ending breast feeding soon, maybe in a few weeks, so worried that when I stop I wont't know a way to get lo to sleep as she's so used to nursing to sleep. Thank you for your support x

Weezie123 · Apr 9th, 2012, 12:57 PM

^^^love love love this response x parenting books are written by people withou babies and even if they have had a baby they have had their baby not your baby! X

Weezie123 · Apr 9th, 2012, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MegGriffin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weezie123

Sounds like a lot of hard work to me Meg. Hope it works out for you. One thing I will say is that now at 9 months I still don't feel like my baby would really understand about why he couldn't feed to sleep anymore but if your little one settles with encouragement it may well work for you, fingers crossed x x

Just remember feeding to sleep is ok too if you make peace with it and it's normal for them to want it. I'm sure if you desperately want to change it you will though x

I actually don't mind feeding to sleep, in fact I like it because it's easy and lo seems really relaxed, but am going to be moving onto formula and ending breast feeding soon, maybe in a few weeks, so worried that when I stop I wont't know a way to get lo to sleep as she's so used to nursing to sleep. Thank you for your support x

I really feel for you and want to give you a cuddle! You can still feed to sleep with a bottle and this is ok too! I have a friend who switched and she just rocked and fed her baby with a bottle x she will sleep eventually x x x x x x I feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders from your posts I wish I could reassure you it will all work out if you try to go with the flow and not worry about "bad habits" that seem natural or work x

MegGriffin · Apr 9th, 2012, 13:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blhanson1

Quote:

Originally Posted by MegGriffin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weezie123

It's so difficult Meg but I would seriously consider cosleeping. You then don't have to keep getting up and down. X your baby is so little x she can't settle herself and leaving her to cry is not the only choice she is obviously telling you she needs you close. What do your instincts tell you? Forget this "self soothing" thing it's just two words someone made up. It's an unrealistic expectation and pressure you are putting on yourself.

Don't worry about the "long term" ladies as it will pass in the blink of an eye.

There's nothing wrong with having your baby in with you. Your husbands are grown men and can understand the baby needs its mum just as much at night , your babies can't understand why they have to be alone at night. Otherwise you could make a makeshift bed on your babies bedroom floor and that way you're still not walking as far x

The HV advise probably won't work anyway. My baby was awake from 11am to 6pm last night and didn't sleep any differently to when he has a 2 hour afternoon nap. He doesn't sleep better when he eats loads of solids or when he breastfeeds more in the day. I'm not sure sleep is connected to these things it's just the baby.

Leaving them to cry all night makes sense to an adult as they can see it from an adults point of view but these are babies x

I'm sure you will do what is best for your family regardless but I would say if sleeping with you stops the tears even if the waking continues its worth it. Also you will not be so tired as you will be in bed resting rather than jumping up and down.

If you try CIO I won't judge you but I'm positive it's not the answer for you or your baby. My mum did it with my brother one night and she went in to him in the morning and he was frozen, covers kicked off, she though he was dead. He slept worse the next night and she's never got over the guilt. He was up sometimes every 20 mins or so until he was 18 months old. He just wasn't a good sleeper. He then sept through every night from then on. She had him in a separate room and it nearly killed her. What i'm trying to illustrate though is that he slept when he was ready to developmentally she didn't need to teach him anything. She wishes she had coslept or kept him in her room but my dad didn't want it.

You'll find a way to get through this. X

Thank you for your advice, I really don't want to do CIO as I feel she's too young but oh is really pressuring me to do it. I'm switching her over to formula as well as mybm is drying up and thinking maybe part of this is hunger. I read in. These books that there's no such thing as bad sleepers only parents who haven't taught there babies to sleep independently. If Feel like such a failure and living off 45 min naps a night.

Thank you again for all our advice x

Okay, so I haven't read all of the replies, but I saw this and had to comment. Pardon my language but fuck the parenting books. Honestly all they do is make you feel bad when your baby doesn't fit into the perfect mold.

You don't have to teach your baby to roll over or crawl or even walk. These are biologically programed developmental steps that happen at their own rate in each individual baby. Sleeping is a biological process that you don't need to teach. Babies sleep through when they are ready. It's not your fault you don't have an independent sleeper.

I just can't see how CIO at this age is going to help. Think about how awful you feel both physically and mentally when you spend a long time crying and no one comes to comfort you. Physically your have a headache, your eyes are puffy and burning, your throat hurts, your nose might be stuffy, you're probably tired but might not fall asleep because you feel alone and sad. I can't imagine a baby feels any differently. She's just a tiny little baby who needs comfort and doesn't understand why no one is there for her.

Anthropologically speaking, people have been sleeping with their babies since human kind began. It's only in the last hundred years or so that modern medicine and the parenting books have decided that babies need to be taught to sleep, alone and in a separate room, away from the warmth and comfort of their parents.

Honestly, I would do what works now. Don't worry about what may come down the line (i.e. co-sleeping will lead to a baby that never leaves your bed, etc.) Find a solution that works for you and your LO. You both need sleep. And the cycle of getting no sleep is hard on you both, and probably only escalating the problems.

I hope you get some rest one way or the other.

Thank you so much for this. You're totally right. I drive myself crazy by reading everything and comparing myself to my nct group. oh hates me reading these books because he thinks they're designed to make you feel bad so you can buy their book for the "answer to fix everything you've got wrong". I try not to listen to them but I find myself getting sucked in and then getting myself wound up and crying because I've got it all wrong. To be honest, I didn't even know self settling was a thing until I started reading about it.

I bring lo into our bed a lot of the time it of desperation and it does make her sleep longer, maybe 2 hours instead of 45 mins but never longer than that. Maybe I should try letting her fall asleep in the bed next to us and that will get her in the habit of sleeping longer than 45 min cycles?

Thank you again xx

MegGriffin · Apr 9th, 2012, 13:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weezie123

Quote:

Originally Posted by MegGriffin

Quote:

Originally Posted by Weezie123

Sounds like a lot of hard work to me Meg. Hope it works out for you. One thing I will say is that now at 9 months I still don't feel like my baby would really understand about why he couldn't feed to sleep anymore but if your little one settles with encouragement it may well work for you, fingers crossed x x

Just remember feeding to sleep is ok too if you make peace with it and it's normal for them to want it. I'm sure if you desperately want to change it you will though x

I actually don't mind feeding to sleep, in fact I like it because it's easy and lo seems really relaxed, but am going to be moving onto formula and ending breast feeding soon, maybe in a few weeks, so worried that when I stop I wont't know a way to get lo to sleep as she's so used to nursing to sleep. Thank you for your support x

I really feel for you and want to give you a cuddle! You can still feed to sleep with a bottle and this is ok too! I have a friend who switched and she just rocked and fed her baby with a bottle x

Really? I didn't think about that...maybe I'll try giving lo a bedtime bottle every other day and see if that helps. Oh loves lo but he just doesn't get it. He doesn't get how I can't just close the door and leave her to cry. She's my little baby, it would break my heart to hear her crying for me and not do anything about it, ESP at this age. I'm going to try and rock her more as well, get her used to falling asleep in different ways. Thank you weezie123 :-) xx

Apr 9th, 2012, 05:13 AM	#31
ay2808 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: UK Posts: 579	We are the same too. LO started sleeping really well after Xmas with just 2 short feeds but now it has totally gone out the window! I have resorted to cosleeping some nights and she does seem to be a bit more settled. She is a very happy and lively baby. I think she is funding the world so exciting the last thing she wants to do is sleep and miss out!

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Apr 9th, 2012, 09:06 AM	#32
MegGriffin Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: UK Posts: 2,243	Thank you ladies...I've managed to talk oh out of CIO, at this age it seems mean and pointless not sure what she would learn from it at under 5 months. We've agreed on being more consistent with pu/pd and to try to not to bf to sleep, so after lo has fallen asleep nursing I've been giving her kisses to wake her up slightly and then put her down drowsy. It seems to work in the sense that I've seen her self settle in the middle of the night (wake, grumble, then fall asleep) but its really hard to be so consistent at 2am, 3am, 4am etc etc when all you want to do is sleep. Oh has got up more to help, although he still gets moody and angry with me if he has to be the one to get up and then will huff and complain so much that I end up settling lo myself. I don't expect lo to sttn for like 8 hrs ESP being bf, but every 45-60 mins is too much for me. Will update in a couple weeks to let you know if it's worked at all. Thank you all for your support and advice x

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 09:46 AM	#33
LPF Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: South Staffs, UK. Posts: 2,026	Evan was such a bad sleeper until he was about 5.5/6 months. From 15-25 weeks he woke up all night long and never slept for more than 45 mins, could self settle, cried all the time. He was rubbish in the day too and wouldn't sleep anywhere except jiggled on my lap. It was definitely the sleep regression. After 6 months he has slept 7-7 pretty much every night except for when he's Ill or teething. I know it holds no comfort but it will pass xxx

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Apr 9th, 2012, 10:11 AM	#34
Weezie123 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Hampshire Posts: 1,090	Sounds like a lot of hard work to me Meg. Hope it works out for you. One thing I will say is that now at 9 months I still don't feel like my baby would really understand about why he couldn't feed to sleep anymore but if your little one settles with encouragement it may well work for you, fingers crossed x x Just remember feeding to sleep is ok too if you make peace with it and it's normal for them to want it. I'm sure if you desperately want to change it you will though x

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 12:57 PM	#37
Weezie123 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Hampshire Posts: 1,090	^^^love love love this response x parenting books are written by people withou babies and even if they have had a baby they have had their baby not your baby! X

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