Being made to feel guilty about wanting 'me time'

babywished.x · Apr 11th, 2012, 18:39 PM

I'm currently on maternity leave and my son is 3 months old. My OH thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting some time on my own,i can't remember the last time i had a nice long bath to unwind. My OH only works parttime so only works 16 hours a week, he goes out twice a month and goes out any time he likes but whines at me when i ask to have a lay in because I've been up with my LO in the night while he's been in bed.

My son is my life and i wouldn't have it any other way but am i really being that unreasonable?

springime · Apr 11th, 2012, 18:53 PM

You are not being unreasonable at all, but your OH is. He only works parttime there is no reason that he couldnt give you an hour or 2 to yourself everynow and then

youngmommy2 · Apr 11th, 2012, 20:29 PM

That is ridiculous! You have every right to have time to yourself.. you'll start to loose your mind if you don't. Explain it to him!

Kasia · Apr 11th, 2012, 20:35 PM

It's crazy but same here

down to me having to put lo in daycare so I can get some work done (own business) & dh refusal to stay home with her. Now some days I take her to daycare & come home & go back to sleep for a bit if I had a sleepless night & I'm the WORST selfish mother on the planet & a lazy spoiled bitch-so yea-I understand your frustration

housemommy52 · Apr 11th, 2012, 21:25 PM

I have the exact same problem! My oh works full time so i take care of my lo full time which im fine with but if i ask him to hold our lo for just a few minutes so i can have some air or do dishes he acts like he's always the one holding him. MEN!!

Kaede351 · Apr 11th, 2012, 21:57 PM

Nope, not unreasonable at all! My DH recently lost his job due to his department at work shutting down, so I make him get up at about 7.30-8am so I can have a couple hours sleep after being up with Harri most of the night. He grumbles and grouses, but he gets to snore all night with no interruptions while I'm up every 1 1/2- 2 hours or so doing night feeds and nappy changes. I don't think it's unfair. I do most of the daytime feeds/nappies/playing/general looking after and caring for him too. I never made him do anything besides the occasional bottle while I'm cooking when he was working.

You're entitled to an hour or two just for you, don't let your OH make you feel bad

XxX

Button# · Apr 11th, 2012, 22:26 PM

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Everyone needs a break now and then from the never ending job of being a mum. I have a nice long bath every weekend and a good pamper while OH has the baby. I'm lucky that he wants to have him as much as possible when he's home.

Arlee · Apr 11th, 2012, 22:36 PM

I'm in the same boat. My baby is nearly 6 months old and my husband hasn't held her for more than 10 minutes at a time. I don't get any time to myself unless I just let the baby cry and ignore her so I can have some. It doesn't metter how you try and explain it to the men they never understand.

sandilion · Apr 11th, 2012, 23:07 PM

It sounds like the men we're talking about here don't want to understand because they are selfish! I am the other way around, when i ask for some time to myself or if hubby can do a feed for me so i can sleep he happily does it - he even ran a bath for me the other night so i could relax... not all men are like the ones talked about here but i do believe men will get away with as much as they can before we put our foot down.

I wouldn't tolerate being treated like that and made to feel i have no right to have any time to myself to take a bath! You need to get into them about that otherwise nothing will change.

kiasuten · Apr 11th, 2012, 23:17 PM

Challenge him to take your little one for as long as you do, with little or no time to himself for a break or communication with other adults. See if he can handle a few hours, a day, or a week. Then ask him if he thinks he needs some time to himself.

He should come around. If not, then the two of you can change places because clearly he can handle it better than all of us!!

Apr 11th, 2012, 18:39 PM	#1
babywished.x Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: England Posts: 61	Being made to feel guilty about wanting 'me time' I'm currently on maternity leave and my son is 3 months old. My OH thinks I'm being unreasonable for wanting some time on my own,i can't remember the last time i had a nice long bath to unwind. My OH only works parttime so only works 16 hours a week, he goes out twice a month and goes out any time he likes but whines at me when i ask to have a lay in because I've been up with my LO in the night while he's been in bed. My son is my life and i wouldn't have it any other way but am i really being that unreasonable?

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Apr 11th, 2012, 18:53 PM	#2
springime Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: canada Posts: 42	You are not being unreasonable at all, but your OH is. He only works parttime there is no reason that he couldnt give you an hour or 2 to yourself everynow and then

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 20:29 PM	#3
youngmommy2 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: New York Posts: 4,644	That is ridiculous! You have every right to have time to yourself.. you'll start to loose your mind if you don't. Explain it to him!

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 20:35 PM	#4
Kasia Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 1,520	It's crazy but same here down to me having to put lo in daycare so I can get some work done (own business) & dh refusal to stay home with her. Now some days I take her to daycare & come home & go back to sleep for a bit if I had a sleepless night & I'm the WORST selfish mother on the planet & a lazy spoiled bitch-so yea-I understand your frustration

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 21:25 PM	#5
housemommy52 Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: oregon Posts: 20	I have the exact same problem! My oh works full time so i take care of my lo full time which im fine with but if i ask him to hold our lo for just a few minutes so i can have some air or do dishes he acts like he's always the one holding him. MEN!!

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 21:57 PM	#6
Kaede351 Trying to conceive (TTC) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: County Durham Posts: 8,041	Nope, not unreasonable at all! My DH recently lost his job due to his department at work shutting down, so I make him get up at about 7.30-8am so I can have a couple hours sleep after being up with Harri most of the night. He grumbles and grouses, but he gets to snore all night with no interruptions while I'm up every 1 1/2- 2 hours or so doing night feeds and nappy changes. I don't think it's unfair. I do most of the daytime feeds/nappies/playing/general looking after and caring for him too. I never made him do anything besides the occasional bottle while I'm cooking when he was working. You're entitled to an hour or two just for you, don't let your OH make you feel bad XxX

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 22:26 PM	#7
Button# Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2010 Location: London Posts: 3,712	Of course you're not being unreasonable. Everyone needs a break now and then from the never ending job of being a mum. I have a nice long bath every weekend and a good pamper while OH has the baby. I'm lucky that he wants to have him as much as possible when he's home.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 22:36 PM	#8
Arlee Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 369	I'm in the same boat. My baby is nearly 6 months old and my husband hasn't held her for more than 10 minutes at a time. I don't get any time to myself unless I just let the baby cry and ignore her so I can have some. It doesn't metter how you try and explain it to the men they never understand.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 23:07 PM	#9
sandilion Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 3,420	It sounds like the men we're talking about here don't want to understand because they are selfish! I am the other way around, when i ask for some time to myself or if hubby can do a feed for me so i can sleep he happily does it - he even ran a bath for me the other night so i could relax... not all men are like the ones talked about here but i do believe men will get away with as much as they can before we put our foot down. I wouldn't tolerate being treated like that and made to feel i have no right to have any time to myself to take a bath! You need to get into them about that otherwise nothing will change.

Status: Offline

Apr 11th, 2012, 23:17 PM	#10
kiasuten Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Philadelphia, PA, USA Posts: 648	Challenge him to take your little one for as long as you do, with little or no time to himself for a break or communication with other adults. See if he can handle a few hours, a day, or a week. Then ask him if he thinks he needs some time to himself. He should come around. If not, then the two of you can change places because clearly he can handle it better than all of us!!

Status: Offline

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