Why do I feel guilty when he didn't want her? - Page 2

Kristin52 · Apr 14th, 2012, 06:34 AM

I wouldn't. But that's just my opinion. I would maybe send him a picture, and change all my contact information.
However, when your LO is older and can understand, I would explain to her who her biological father is. Don't bad mouth him to her, just explain things weren't in the best of her interests at the time and you did the right thing.

When she's older and wants to meet him, if she does, then let her.
It's ultimately her choice to make.

But for right now, I'd give him the SHORTEST end of the stick (i.e maybe a picture) and that's it. You're not looking for money from him and it seems like you and your OH and LO have a nice little life going, enjoy it!

steph. · Apr 14th, 2012, 06:50 AM

I think that probably the right thing to do would be to give him a chance to have a relationship with his daughter, or she might resent it later. But you know this man, and if you truly believe that she would be better off without him (putting your feeling about him aside), then do what you feel is best. Maybe you could write her a letter to read when she is 18 explaining why you made this decision. Also if he threatened to take her to turkey i would never let him see her by himself, NEVER! I have heard of too many kidnapping cases like this, and these people find a way to forge passports ect to take kids out of the country.

What does your OH say about this? Is he happy to let the ex meet her?

edit: just saw that you are writing a baby diary for her to read.

Blah11 · Apr 14th, 2012, 06:51 AM

id let him see her. the last thing you want is him to take you to court out of spite, get his name on the birth certificate and get access to your LO.

Kristin52 · Apr 14th, 2012, 06:54 AM

I don't understand how anyone could feel necessary for him to see her, when he wanted to get an abortion and pretty much abandoned her and his LO when she was 6 weeks in utero.

I don't understand it.

Blah11 · Apr 14th, 2012, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristin52

I don't understand how anyone could feel necessary for him to see her, when he wanted to get an abortion and pretty much abandoned her and his LO when she was 6 weeks in utero.

I don't understand it.

hes still her dad and in the courts eyes has every right for proper access and to be named on the birth certificate.

Kristin52 · Apr 14th, 2012, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blah11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristin52

I don't understand how anyone could feel necessary for him to see her, when he wanted to get an abortion and pretty much abandoned her and his LO when she was 6 weeks in utero.

I don't understand it.

hes still her dad and in the courts eyes has every right for proper access and to be named on the birth certificate.

Not necessarily true. If he's an evil man, it would never happen.
Always runs the flight risk, and such.

All I know if my LO's father said that to me when I was pregnant and left me, it would be one cold day in hell before he laid an eye on him.
But that's just me.

My_First · Apr 14th, 2012, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristin52

I don't understand how anyone could feel necessary for him to see her, when he wanted to get an abortion and pretty much abandoned her and his LO when she was 6 weeks in utero.

I don't understand it.

Because they still made a little person. Rightly or wrongly they have a tie for the rest if their lives.

Kristin52 · Apr 14th, 2012, 07:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My_First

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristin52

I don't understand how anyone could feel necessary for him to see her, when he wanted to get an abortion and pretty much abandoned her and his LO when she was 6 weeks in utero.

I don't understand it.

Because they still made a little person. Rightly or wrongly they have a tie for the rest if their lives.

who HE wanted nothing to do with.
that doesn't give any "man" the right to just randomly decide he wants to be apart of the LO's life. if that's even what he wants to do.

I guess I'm biased. My friends son is 4 months and his dad hasn't been around for ANYTHING. left her, told her to abort, when he was born he had...erm, cmv? I think that's what it was.. was in the NICU, and didn't care.
And now all of a sudden he's taking pictures from her friends facebook pages putting on their "his newest addition".

He didn't even remember what his name is.

Just because you make a baby, doesn't give you the god given right to be a parent. Especially when you ran away from it to begin with.

Blah11 · Apr 14th, 2012, 07:09 AM

sorry but evil man or not, unless theres severe reported domestic violence or a really bsd criminal record, he will be granted some sort of access. Thats just the way the cookie crumbles when you conceive children with people

a girl on here has been in the same situation. her ex is a total twat but still sees all his children including the one he wanted aborted.

Kristin52 · Apr 14th, 2012, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blah11

sorry but evil man or not, unless theres severe reported domestic violence or a really bsd criminal record, he will be granted some sort of access. Thats just the way the cookie crumbles when you conceive children with people

well where I'm from, it wouldn't happen like that.
and it should be like that everywhere.

Apr 14th, 2012, 06:34 AM	#11
Kristin52 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: US Posts: 5,230	I wouldn't. But that's just my opinion. I would maybe send him a picture, and change all my contact information. However, when your LO is older and can understand, I would explain to her who her biological father is. Don't bad mouth him to her, just explain things weren't in the best of her interests at the time and you did the right thing. When she's older and wants to meet him, if she does, then let her. It's ultimately her choice to make. But for right now, I'd give him the SHORTEST end of the stick (i.e maybe a picture) and that's it. You're not looking for money from him and it seems like you and your OH and LO have a nice little life going, enjoy it!

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2012, 06:50 AM	#12
steph. Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: May 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 1,692	I think that probably the right thing to do would be to give him a chance to have a relationship with his daughter, or she might resent it later. But you know this man, and if you truly believe that she would be better off without him (putting your feeling about him aside), then do what you feel is best. Maybe you could write her a letter to read when she is 18 explaining why you made this decision. Also if he threatened to take her to turkey i would never let him see her by himself, NEVER! I have heard of too many kidnapping cases like this, and these people find a way to forge passports ect to take kids out of the country. What does your OH say about this? Is he happy to let the ex meet her? edit: just saw that you are writing a baby diary for her to read.

Status: Offline

Apr 14th, 2012, 06:51 AM	#13
Blah11 Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 38,156	id let him see her. the last thing you want is him to take you to court out of spite, get his name on the birth certificate and get access to your LO.

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Apr 14th, 2012, 06:54 AM	#14
Kristin52 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: US Posts: 5,230	I don't understand how anyone could feel necessary for him to see her, when he wanted to get an abortion and pretty much abandoned her and his LO when she was 6 weeks in utero. I don't understand it.

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Apr 14th, 2012, 07:09 AM	#19
Blah11 Mum (Mom) BnB Spammer Elite Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 38,156	sorry but evil man or not, unless theres severe reported domestic violence or a really bsd criminal record, he will be granted some sort of access. Thats just the way the cookie crumbles when you conceive children with people a girl on here has been in the same situation. her ex is a total twat but still sees all his children including the one he wanted aborted.

Status: Offline

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