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Old Apr 12th, 2018, 17:38 PM   1
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Looking for advice

Hi all,

Iím in a really sticky situation at the moment and could do with some advice. I am 21 and currently 6 weeks pregnant. Both myself and my partner are happy with this. Although my mum is insisting on an abortion. She has even made an appointment for Tuesday. I am currently in my last year at university, and I would be graduated by the time the baby comes.

My mum has said that if I keep the baby she will never speak to me again.

I guess Iím asking how I go about getting her to see my side?

Any advice appreciated!

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Old Apr 12th, 2018, 19:17 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
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Hello! I had my first child at 17, I was 16 when I fell pregnant and my mum had a very similar reaction. I got photos of people out partying captioned 'this could be you' along with a load of other crap from her and my dad hardly acknowledged me unless he was mentioning abortion until I was in my third trimester. I just ignored my mum when she spoke to me about it and let her cool off, it only took her 2-3 weeks to talk about the pregnancy without mentioning termination even though she still wasn't happy. After the 12 week scan I took the photos to her work to show her and she was showing them off to everyone, she had time to get over the initial shock and realise I was continuing the pregnancy. As for my dad he took himself out for steak to celebrate after my son was born lol.

Often parents just need time to get over the shock, 21 is still young, you are still her baby but you're also an adult and in uni, it could be worse.

I'm not sure if much of that was helpful but I've been there and seen a lot of girls on the teen section over the years be in the same situation and in most cases the parents come around with time. I'm now turning 24 this year, my eldest is 6 next month and no one can imagine life without the kids around!

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Old Apr 13th, 2018, 08:13 AM   3
Mum (Mom)
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Why does she need to come around to your side right now? This is your baby and this is your body. If you absolutely want this baby, then politely inform her you are keeping the baby and she can either be a grandparent or SHE can be shunned. Do not let her empty threats of 'never speaking to you again' get the best of you. 9 times out of 10 those threats are never followed through with from my experiences with friends whose parents have said something similar to.

21 is young but it's not a life sentence. I was 21 when I had my first child and I still managed to finish school. I am a SAHM right now but I've kept up with my training from school and have not let my degree/certificate in my field lapse.

The fact that your partner also wants this baby will make it that much easier on you You can do this.

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Old Apr 13th, 2018, 08:17 AM   4
Trying to conceive (TTC)
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Agree with pp. She either wants to be apart of her grandchild's life or not. You're an adult about to graduate with you're degree. You're in what I assume is a stable healthy relationship. You want the baby. End of story. For her to go as far as making an appointment for you is way over the line and incredibly insulting. Remind her she won't just lose her daughter in this but her grandchild. Give her time yes but whether she agrees or not doesn't matter.

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Old Apr 13th, 2018, 08:29 AM   5
Mum (Mom)
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I agree with the other ladies. She either wants to be there or she doesn't. She will come around at some point, and if she doesnt that is 100% her loss.
I was married with DD and DS on the way at 21 and now we own our own house, DH works full time and I am able to be a SAHM. It's not a life sentence, its the beginning of your lives!
As long as you and your partner are happy, thats all that matters. You can do this

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Old Apr 13th, 2018, 16:13 PM   6
Mum (Mom)
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Just echoing what the others have said have to be firm with her, tell her you've made your decision and that she should feel free to contact you whenever shes accepted it. There's nothing you can say or do that will convince her as such, she has to come around herself.

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Old Apr 13th, 2018, 17:05 PM   7
Mum (Mom)
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My mom was not supportive of me either. I did not have the courage to speak up. You can have that opportunity now. YOU can set healthy boundaries and continue on with building a family with the expected arrival of your little one. I'm excited that the two of you have decided to be parents and love on this child. It's easy to say but we do have difficulty speaking to our parents about things that will change our lives. But she cannot make this decision for you. You are an adult and she has to accept that. I believe she will not turn away when the baby comes and she will indeed embrace the joy of being a grandparent. We often cannot see that blessings that lie ahead and sadly allow what we see now to be a mistake concerning pregnancy and motherhood. God has a plan for every life. We have to trust that your mom will soon see that when she holds her grandchild.

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