So, last August I found out I was pregnant however I sadly miscarried at 5 weeks. It was the hardest thing i've ever gone through and the memories from that day still haunt me, 7 and a half months later!! I actually would have been due this month as well.....
We were trying ever since and it felt like we tried everything. Every month was something different. Preseed, OPKs, Temping, SMEP... Etc, etc. THen last month I decided to stop using everything and just had a stress free month. It was quite difficult but I put my thermometer away and tried to keep the OPKs out of sight. I tried had not to think about when my fertile period was but in the back of my mind I always knew.. After BDing for about 5-6 days straight we got too tired and stopped for about 2 days. I then got fed up because I thought I wasn't ovulating so I decided to just use one OPK. To my surprise, it was positive!!! Great! Here I am with a positive OPK and and we hadn't done the deed in the last 2 days!!!!! I made sure we did it that night and the next. By the third day (It was actually my 21st birthday) we tried to do it but it just wasn't happening!! We were both so tired haha so we didn't. I knew I was probably ruining my chances but I just couldn't.
After I thought I had ovulated I got worried because my cervix wasn't closing however by the 3rd day it did I still didn't think we had a chance though!! I had creamy CM basically the whole TWW and on 8 DPO I tested with an IC. I thought I saw a greyish line but i'd seen them months before, and I actually wasn't sure I could see anything or if I was just imagining it so I didn't think anything of it! The next day I was at my mums and I had been getting AF type cramps. I knew it was way too early for them though. I get them exactly 2 days before AF arrives so I started to wonder. I had held my pee for a few hours so when I got home I decided to take a test with another IC. I was absolutely gobsmacked when I thought I saw a line, it was SO SO faint but it was there, I could have sworn!! I scanned it onto my computer (it works better then taking an actual picture, no flashes, etc) and when I tweaked it, a nice thick line appeared! And it was pink!!!! I was beyond words. I was crying and shaking, I just couldn't believe it!! OH got home from work a few minutes later and I shoved the test in face saying, saying "Can you see it!! LOOK!!" He was tired though and wasn't showing enough enthusiasm for my liking haha but I knew he was happy. I decided to run to the store and buy a 3pk of FRERs (I had actually contemplated getting some on the way from from my mums but didn't want to waste money, just in case... Boy do I wish I had of just bought them!!!). It was the longest drive, and it's only 3 minutes down the road!! I was shaking and fighting back tears of happiness. On the way home I had feelings of deja vu... 8 months ago, I was driving this very road, i'd just picked up a box of FRERs after getting a faint line on a test the night before. It was bittersweet!
I hoped this was it, I worried it would be negative, but a part of my mind just knew I was pregnant, I think i'd known for days even, but I just didn't believe myself! I had only just tested and knew I needed to build up more pee to test, I knew I couldn't the usual 3-4 hours so I had a shower and after hovering around the house only an hour and a half had passed. That was long enough so I just did it. Watching the pink move along the screen felt like forever but after less then 45 seconds, a nice (faint) pink line appeared!!! It was light, but there was no mistaking it!! I was pregnant, and absolutely thrilled!
I still had a lot of ICs left so i've actually been testing every day since. I used the second FRER last Saturday when I was a week late and the line was a lot darker, my ICs have really increased in darkness too!! I've got one FRER left and i'll be using it in the morning, i'll be officially 1 week late!!
I'm a little unsure of how far along I am but it's somewhere between 4 weeks 4 days and 5 weeks 2 days. Clearly i'm going by 5 weeks 2 days though haha!!
If you've managed to read through all of that, you deserve an award!!
I've always said that I will never preach about the whole "no stress/trying" method but for me, it worked both times!! It isn't easy though, in fact far from it and i'll be the first to admit it!! With my miscarriage we were on our second month ttc and I was OVER IT. I had my heart set that it would happen the first month and it didn't so by the second month I had literally given up!!! We barely even did the deed and bang, I was pregnant.
This time we decided to stop trying as such, no OPKs (well barely), temping, etc and I had tried my hardest to change my thought process!! Sex had stopped being sex, it had turned into "baby dancing!" Same thing, yeah I know but when your so involved in ttc it takes over your mind and the thought of those terms just put pressure on my mind so I tried to change the way I spoke, or rather, typed
CD became "X amount of days in"
DPO became "X amount of days since I ovulated"
and BDing turned back into SEX!
Instead of wishing wholeheartedly that i'd get pregnant due to this months' stress, I laid in bed every night and welcomed my baby to my tummy! I told my baby how much mummy and daddy loved him or her and how much we couldn't wait to meet them!! I read once that a baby doesn't want to come into a stressful environment, but a loving one and it's so true!! I just wish it didn't take me 7 months to understand all of this!!!
I really hope I don't sound like one of those robots that tell us all, "It'll happen when the time is right," or "Stop stressing and it'll happen" because I know how much I hated hearing it and how incredibly hard it is to not stress when a baby is all you want. And, I know that by simply stopping the stress will not always result in pregnancy but I just wanted to share my experience in the hope it will help someone else!!
Well, i'll upload my last FRER tomorrow!!
Sending lots of baby dust to everyone ttc!!
Awe hun...I'm so glad I got to read all of that! We've been stuck together for the last what 6 months and I feel like I've rediscovered who you are.....I want to cry and jump for joy all over again for you!! I luv you hun!! I would not change a thing about the last 6 or so months that I've gotten to be a part of your life and your journey!!! And you are right! When you stop thinking of it as "making a baby" and put the sex back in--down and dirty--that's what it is--it is like reconnecting with that person you are laying in bed with...I guess for me, the new saying was "he was using it like he paid for it.."...Made a big difference..Thank you so much for being my friend and my "ttc" sister! Luv ya doll!
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