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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 18:51 PM   1
Aelanu
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OH rant- apparently I'm lazy and other things.


OH and I had it out the other morning- our LO has seemed to taken a liking to getting up at 5:30 AM and wanting to be up for about 4-5 hours. Problem is, this is about an hour or so after we go to bed (we're night owls...we've always worked either the closing or overnight shifts at work so we are used to it). Suffice to say- mornings are no longer pleasant for us.

OH had to work later that day (4pm to 10 pm) so when LO got up at 5:30 AM like he usually does I decided to feed him whilst laying down since I had just gone to bed an hour before. I was tired. OH woke up and saw this and HAD A FIT. Its not like we had pushed him off the bed or that he didn't have any room. I had about two inches of bed behind me which was because the wall is freaking cold as hell and I didn't want my bare back (I sleep naked or in my undergarments) against it. He claimed I needed to "sit my ass up and feed him" because I was taking over the whole bed and feeding him while laying down is lazy.

I was PISSED. I promptly told him that I was tired and didn't feel like sitting up for 45 minutes while I fed him- and even went further to say that he could kiss my ass because he never, ever, EVER has to get up for a feeding OR diaper change (I feed him on one breast, change him, and offer the other breast) so he needed to take his bs elsewhere.

Then he told me that its my fault that he's breastfed, that he should have been formula fed because it's easier and faster, and that I need to just go ahead and give up because obviously I can't handle it.

He went back to sleep as far away from us as he possibly could and I continued to lay there...feeding my son...in tears.

He used to be so supportive of breastfeeding. When we were in the hospital after he was born all the staff commented on how supportive and involved that he was- that they were impressed by him because they never see Dads so helpful. He would help me prop up, with my latch, he'd hold my breast for me if I had to reposition so it wouldn't go out of his mouth, he'd make sure he stayed awake during the feed, etc. I just can't believe how negative he's gotten about the whole thing.

He's also constantly trying to push formula with snide comments like, "You can't fill him up- he needs formula." or "Formula will make him sleep better." "I gave him 3 oz and he was fine- there's no way you produce enough otherwise he'd be asleep right now." and other mean things.

I only allow our son to have ONE bottle of formula a day and that's only if I'm not home or he decided to chew my nipples to a point where I can't feed without crying. Even then, he still gets a bag of frozen before formula...I can't pump more than 2 oz so he will get about half and half.

If I weren't so damn stubborn and strong, I would have given up...but it's just really hard to keep going when I don't have support from the one person I really need it from. Sometimes it gets so bad...he gets so bad...that I feel like I would just be better on my own.

Ok, I'm done...I needed to get that off my chest. Sorry that it was so long.



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 18:58 PM   2
AC1987
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awww thats awful... I think I'd blow up at my DH if he ever said anything like that at me. You shouldn't put up with that, though I know its easier said then done. But in all honesty its not very nice of him.



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 19:18 PM   3
kittylady
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I think this is more likely due to lack of sleep. I know you said your night owls, we used to be but I'm sorry to say this will carry on if you don't change this. It does take some getting used to but you need to start going to bed earlier.

Having said that he shouldn't have a go at you for feeding like this, however he may be scared on you falling asleep as there are safety issues such as the pillows or duvet. But he still shouldn't be goading you into changing to formula, tell him straight that you are going to continue and nothing he can say will change it so he needs to drop it.

I do think you both would benefit from more sleep though.



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 19:38 PM   4
Aelanu
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OH is usually rather nasty when he doesn't get enough sleep. I get cranky, but I don't attack people. However, I've always had insomnia (symptom from my bipolar disorder) so not getting enough sleep hardly ever bothers me. Heck, I'm running on 3 hours now and doing fine (LO decided to be fussy from 5:30 AM to 12 PM today).

I just don't understand why he would attack something that he knows means so much to me....that is so good for our LO. It's not like I force him to be awake while I feed and change our son (he usually doesn't even wake up!)- hell he gets twice the sleep I get on any given night!

I think we're going to have to have a really long talk about his behavior and attitude....

Edit: We are only night owls because of our work schedules- there was a time when both of us worked early AM shifts and was in bed before 11 PM



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 19:44 PM   5
C_baby
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It sounds to me like he's jealous. You are feeding and nurturing your baby, your baby is alive right now because of you! Baby needs you and not him, you're always cuddling and feeding baby... yadda yadda

I think some men are genuinely jealous of the 'bond' they think bf gives mum and baby. Add tiredness in with that and it can cause a previous good guy to act like a dick.



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 20:01 PM   6
MummyNash
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aelanu View Post
OH and I had it out the other morning- our LO has seemed to taken a liking to getting up at 5:30 AM and wanting to be up for about 4-5 hours. Problem is, this is about an hour or so after we go to bed (we're night owls...we've always worked either the closing or overnight shifts at work so we are used to it). Suffice to say- mornings are no longer pleasant for us.
Ok this might sound weird?? Me and my OH used to be like this but with baby coming we sorted out our sleeping routine.... should you not do the same? Life would be so much easier... *were up late tonight as babys with granny *

concerning the rest i cant comment not a BF we FF But you defo need the support from your partner no matter what.. maybe you should sit him down and talk to him..tell him you need his support.



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 20:09 PM   7
Irish Eyes
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You should get him to read some threads on here about night feeding. Laying on my side feeding Lo saved my sanity for the first couple of months! Maybe if he knew how common it is he would be more respectful. Also show him information on the difference between Bf & ff on babys tummy so he understands why your lo reacts differently to formula. Men tend to like facts & figures.

Finally tell him that my ff baby wakes at least every hour & has done for over a month!



 
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Old Jan 19th, 2013, 21:54 PM   8
LisaL79
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Not that this is really a good excuse to be nasty to you, but it just sounds like he was stressed or cranky from lack of sleep.

Do you complain to him about breastfeeding at all? Maybe that's a reason why he pushes formula? Or maybe he would like to be able to feed the baby sometimes?
Just ask him about it. Ask him why he wants to give the baby more formula or switch to formula or whatever.



 
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Old Jan 20th, 2013, 18:47 PM   9
Aelanu
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I have complained, but it's very infrequent....basically only when LO decided to chew on my nipples and I end up with a scab and pain (so about 4 times tops).

I think there is some validity to the being jealous of breastfeeding, though. He would never admit it, but I realized last night that it might be why he acts the way he does sometimes- this was before I saw the other replies. He fed him a bottle of frozen breast milk last night as I was trying to get some sleep because today was my first day back off maternity leave. He was talking to him, mimicking LO's eating noises, and just was completely into the whole ordeal- I never really paid attention to it but he really loves feeding LO....especially since *I* tried to give LO the bottle and he wouldn't take it...but he took it from Daddy!

In fact, for the last few nights he would "sneak" a bottle to our son if I fell asleep...even if it was for just 10 minutes. If LO seems hungry, he's quick to give him a bottle rather than wake me. I really can see jealousy being a big factor in his pro formula campaign.

This morning he was upset because he had to get up to get LO ready for a day with his Godmommy. I couldn't get myself AND LO ready and still not make them late OR myself late (she was giving me a ride to work and then taking her two kids and my LO to Chuck-E-Cheese).

I have noticed through the years he gets really pissy when he doesn't get much sleep- I don't care because I get that way sometimes too...but he's taking it out on our son which is NOT cool.

On another note about LO- to leave on a good remark- today for the first time ever said his first OFFICIAL word...Dada!!

They give each other a LOT of crap...but that little boy loves his Daddy to no end.



 
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Old Jan 20th, 2013, 18:52 PM   10
MummyNash
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if your partner is feeling left out as your the only one who can feed are you not better reaching some sort of arrangement part BF part FF?? that way you still get to BF and baby wont suffer because of formula its just the same as the breast i think..xx



 
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