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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 03:32 AM   1
Kerlouet
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Afraid she will ruin it


DF and I are getting married in OCtober 2013 very excited and happy

The problem.. His Daughter from previous relationship

She is coming up for 5 and to put it nicely she is a little madam!
The first time I met her DF gave me one peck on the lips the whole day we spent together, well she didn't like that came stomping over to me and said get off MY dad you fat cow! I said excuse me? She repeated it, so I said to DF are you not going to intervene. Well he said say sorry to Hannah she refused then started crying so he gave in and said oh it doesn't matter sweetie a gave her a hug! I was fuming so went for a walk then went and sat in the car and waited for them to return. She eventually said sorry but sarcasticly. We dropped her home then DF burst into to tears apologising and said he was so ashamed of her behaviour.
Since then I have managed to wiggle out of seeing her too often as DF only sees her on Saturdays so I leave them to it.

So obviously she has to be at the wedding, but I am worried she is going to be all get off my dad again to me an ruining the day for me. DF wasn't really involved in her upbringing only seeing her saturdays since she was 8months old and don't get me started on her mother!!
How can I deal with her on the day? DF and I will be hugging etc lots for photos and everything so I can't have her pushing me off him and calling me names.

Anyone ever had to deal with this kind of thing? Sorry it's so long wanted to give you a good idea of what I'm up against!



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 08:59 AM   2
aly888
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To be honest I would imagine the mother is behind it a little bit. Very few children will form such a strong opinion on somebody else without ever meeting them unless other people have influenced their decisions. But ultimately there is nothing you can do about that. If her mother (or anyone else for that matter) is intent on painting that impression the no-one can tell them to stop. All you can do is prove that you're not the person they may think you are, and storming off and sulking in the car on your first meeting probably hasn't helped!!
You've got 11 months until the day. Ignoring her (by act of avoiding meeting her again) isn't going to make her go away. The fact is, she is your fiancÚs child. She's not going to go anywhere. And you are going to be her step-mum. Not an easy role for you by any stretch of the imagination. You need to use these next 11 months to try and build as much of a relationship as you can. She's 5 years old and still very easily persuaded. Get on side with her. Ask your OH what she likes/doesn't like and try to connect with her through that by the sounds of it she's not going to make it easy, but it's not just your wedding day where you'll need to get on, it's the rest of your lives!!



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 13:12 PM   3
Lauren25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aly888 View Post
To be honest I would imagine the mother is behind it a little bit. Very few children will form such a strong opinion on somebody else without ever meeting them unless other people have influenced their decisions. But ultimately there is nothing you can do about that. If her mother (or anyone else for that matter) is intent on painting that impression the no-one can tell them to stop. All you can do is prove that you're not the person they may think you are, and storming off and sulking in the car on your first meeting probably hasn't helped!!
You've got 11 months until the day. Ignoring her (by act of avoiding meeting her again) isn't going to make her go away. The fact is, she is your fiancÚs child. She's not going to go anywhere. And you are going to be her step-mum. Not an easy role for you by any stretch of the imagination. You need to use these next 11 months to try and build as much of a relationship as you can. She's 5 years old and still very easily persuaded. Get on side with her. Ask your OH what she likes/doesn't like and try to connect with her through that by the sounds of it she's not going to make it easy, but it's not just your wedding day where you'll need to get on, it's the rest of your lives!!
Agree with this!! I would deffo spend the time coming up to the wedding getting her on side and get your OH to help out with that!

Does your OH know how you feel ?



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 13:20 PM   4
lozzy21
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I agree with Aly, make the most of getting to know her and try to make her like you, kids her age a fickle and a gift can go a long way lol If shes still the same on the day rope one of OH's family into taking control and if she starts they can take her away.



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 15:53 PM   5
ellebob
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OH's niece was exactly the same with me. It was all 'go away', 'I don't like you', 'I'm going with my uncle, not you'. When I got in the car with them she's just shout 'noooooooooooooooo!'.

But...I kept pursuing with it and eventually she started to like me. It helped to have moments where she appreciated me, like when her dad and OH were talking about boring manly things and I was the only one paying her any attention, or we went swimming and I was the only girl so I took her to get changed.

Hopefully if you make an effort to have fun with her more often she'll come round, despite what her mum may be saying.



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 16:04 PM   6
perfect plan
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I understand your apprehension about this because aside from her being rude and disrespectful to you as an older person your fiance did not have your back and if he doesnt lay down some boundaries she will pick up on that and take the mick even more! I agree that you will have to get on with her for the rest of your life but that is more something that your fiance should be working hard to facilitate as he is in the middle of this new relationship that you will have to build with her. I dont think you stormed off anywhere! I think i would be pretty annoyed at the fact that your fiance didnt stand up and discipline that i would need to go and clear my head too, after all we can get a bit crazy and let kids think that they can get away with speaking to people how they want. We are adults for a reason, because we know better! Rant over lol



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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 16:54 PM   7
Kizzy454
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I have similar situations where DF DD for previous HAS to be on DFs lap constantly. Shes told me im a bitch and how daddy doesnt love me and tries to tell my DD1 that Df isnt her dad (he isnt but hes the only dad shes ever known) alot does stem from the mothers but u have to be persistnant.. also make sure HE is as well he cant let her treat u like this! xxx



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2012, 18:22 PM   8
Kerlouet
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Thank you for your replies everyone. I will try and build a relationship up with her failing that I will ask OH's mother to take charge of her on the day.



 
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