Catholic groom & Atheist bride?

amygwen · Nov 11th, 2011, 12:32 PM

I just got engaged the other day but I've found myself stalking this part of the forum to get some wedding ideas!! Haha! We aren't planning on getting married for a while but both OH and I have just been discussing what time of the year we want to get married and obviously talked about the venue of the ceremony and reception.

Basically, OH is Catholic and I'm an atheist. If it were completely up to me I wouldn't have my wedding in a church because that would be extremely hypocritical. My OH though has expressed that he'd like to get married in a church if I felt comfortable doing so because he would be the first person in his family not to be married in the church if it were up to me. This got me thinking..... would I even be allowed to marry him in a church since I am not religious in any way whatsoever? And did anyone else have this situation w/ their OH's? I don't really know what to say.

junemomma09 · Nov 11th, 2011, 16:40 PM

Well I'm not atheist but my OH is catholic and I'm a non-catholic Christian. We are getting married in his family's church. They're allowing us, we just won't have a full mass, because I can't participate in communion since I'm not catholic. Sorry this probably isnt much help but hope it helps a little. Good luck! You can always call the church youre thinking of marrying in just to see what the requirements would be. If they did allow you to marry in the church, however, you will most likely still have to take all the required marriage preparation courses and classes, as that's what out priest has told us and we've had to do. Best of luck!

petitpas · Nov 13th, 2011, 15:40 PM

I think it depends on the church but I have a feeling that especially catholic churches would at least want you to profess a belief in god. As the previous poster said, you could speak to the church and maybe there is an option of a blessing instead of a full wedding (the two of you could go to the registry office beforehand for the official bit).

Ri_bena · Nov 18th, 2011, 11:25 AM

congrats on the engagement! im catholic and so is my partner, and theres alot of marriage prep. to do. I think there would be more for you 2 because you're not catholic - basically i reckon (depending on priest) if you're willing to do the work, put the hrs in (and i mean hrs - my marriage prep is coming to about12 hrs) and say the right things it can be done - if you dont want to put the work in then i dont think you'll get a church wedding. I think see how much it means to ur fiance and talk about it :-) gd luck xxxx

Chai_w · Nov 18th, 2011, 19:23 PM

I agree that it likely depends on the church and what type of catholic church. your OH should be able to find out more from the priest y'all would like to do the wedding, that way you know what they expect and if you have to take courses or not.

NuKe · Nov 20th, 2011, 07:25 AM

what about a civil ceremony and blessing from the minister?

jojo2605 · Nov 21st, 2011, 15:50 PM

We had this situation but it was discussed way before we got engaged. In fact I think it's part of the reason why we were together 7 years before getting engaged!! I have always said I could not marry in a church as it would appear hypocritical and also I would feel like it made a bit of a mockery of my day as I would have to say religious vows that I simply didn't believe. It took me 7 years for him to see that for me to get married in a church would have to be a no no and that for us to have a civil ceremony wasn't tooo much of a compromise for him. He came round in the end!! hehe

Difference with us though is that my OH has never been a 'practicing' Catholic. Had he he lived his life by the church in any aspect then of course I would have needed to consider my decision more carefully.

CanadianMaple · Nov 23rd, 2011, 06:52 AM

You just described us!

I was baptised as a kid, and then confirmed as a teenager so it was easy for us to get married. I knew how important a church wedding was to DH, so I went with it and didn't regret it. We didn't do communion since only his family was Catholic and I would have been excluded. The ceremony itself was very nice. DH got his sacrament and I didn't have to worry about the rain and renting chairs.

The great part was, he got to plan the ceremony venue and I got to plan the rest. It was a nice compromise. Even the marriage prep day wasn't bad, it definitely made us talk.

xAmiixLouisex · Nov 26th, 2011, 00:54 AM

I don't really have a clue about this tbh, BUT.. I do know my mom was catholic and my dad had to convert from Christian to Catholic to marry her in a Catholic church.

Nov 11th, 2011, 12:32 PM	#1
amygwen Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: San Antonio, Texas Posts: 9,581	Catholic groom & Atheist bride? I just got engaged the other day but I've found myself stalking this part of the forum to get some wedding ideas!! Haha! We aren't planning on getting married for a while but both OH and I have just been discussing what time of the year we want to get married and obviously talked about the venue of the ceremony and reception. Basically, OH is Catholic and I'm an atheist. If it were completely up to me I wouldn't have my wedding in a church because that would be extremely hypocritical. My OH though has expressed that he'd like to get married in a church if I felt comfortable doing so because he would be the first person in his family not to be married in the church if it were up to me. This got me thinking..... would I even be allowed to marry him in a church since I am not religious in any way whatsoever? And did anyone else have this situation w/ their OH's? I don't really know what to say.

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Nov 11th, 2011, 16:40 PM	#2
junemomma09 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Florida Posts: 2,602	Well I'm not atheist but my OH is catholic and I'm a non-catholic Christian. We are getting married in his family's church. They're allowing us, we just won't have a full mass, because I can't participate in communion since I'm not catholic. Sorry this probably isnt much help but hope it helps a little. Good luck! You can always call the church youre thinking of marrying in just to see what the requirements would be. If they did allow you to marry in the church, however, you will most likely still have to take all the required marriage preparation courses and classes, as that's what out priest has told us and we've had to do. Best of luck!

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Nov 13th, 2011, 15:40 PM	#3
petitpas Other BnB Elite Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 14,700	I think it depends on the church but I have a feeling that especially catholic churches would at least want you to profess a belief in god. As the previous poster said, you could speak to the church and maybe there is an option of a blessing instead of a full wedding (the two of you could go to the registry office beforehand for the official bit).

Status: Offline

Nov 18th, 2011, 11:25 AM	#4
Ri_bena Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 70	congrats on the engagement! im catholic and so is my partner, and theres alot of marriage prep. to do. I think there would be more for you 2 because you're not catholic - basically i reckon (depending on priest) if you're willing to do the work, put the hrs in (and i mean hrs - my marriage prep is coming to about12 hrs) and say the right things it can be done - if you dont want to put the work in then i dont think you'll get a church wedding. I think see how much it means to ur fiance and talk about it :-) gd luck xxxx

Status: Offline

Nov 18th, 2011, 19:23 PM	#5
Chai_w Waiting To Try (WTT) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Colorado!!!!! =D Posts: 653	I agree that it likely depends on the church and what type of catholic church. your OH should be able to find out more from the priest y'all would like to do the wedding, that way you know what they expect and if you have to take courses or not.

Status: Offline

Nov 20th, 2011, 07:25 AM	#6
NuKe Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: N. Ireland Posts: 13,888	what about a civil ceremony and blessing from the minister?

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Nov 21st, 2011, 15:50 PM	#7
jojo2605 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Brummyland Posts: 2,760	We had this situation but it was discussed way before we got engaged. In fact I think it's part of the reason why we were together 7 years before getting engaged!! I have always said I could not marry in a church as it would appear hypocritical and also I would feel like it made a bit of a mockery of my day as I would have to say religious vows that I simply didn't believe. It took me 7 years for him to see that for me to get married in a church would have to be a no no and that for us to have a civil ceremony wasn't tooo much of a compromise for him. He came round in the end!! hehe Difference with us though is that my OH has never been a 'practicing' Catholic. Had he he lived his life by the church in any aspect then of course I would have needed to consider my decision more carefully.

Status: Offline

Nov 23rd, 2011, 06:52 AM	#8
CanadianMaple Trying to conceive (TTC) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 1,024	You just described us! I was baptised as a kid, and then confirmed as a teenager so it was easy for us to get married. I knew how important a church wedding was to DH, so I went with it and didn't regret it. We didn't do communion since only his family was Catholic and I would have been excluded. The ceremony itself was very nice. DH got his sacrament and I didn't have to worry about the rain and renting chairs. The great part was, he got to plan the ceremony venue and I got to plan the rest. It was a nice compromise. Even the marriage prep day wasn't bad, it definitely made us talk.

Status: Offline

Nov 26th, 2011, 00:54 AM	#9
xAmiixLouisex Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Birmingham, UK. Posts: 2,227	I don't really have a clue about this tbh, BUT.. I do know my mom was catholic and my dad had to convert from Christian to Catholic to marry her in a Catholic church.

Status: Offline

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