Family dilemmas

xlouloux · Apr 7th, 2012, 16:56 PM

For a long time I wanted a wedding abroad with just me and DF because of family issues on both sides, but now that I have started thinking about a wedding I have warmed to the idea of doing it in front of everyone.

I just don't know if it will be worth all the issues it's going to cause, my parents don't get on but would be willing to put that aside however if I invite my dad it will mean my aunty will want to come with her kids who I'm not particularly fond of, which means my other aunty won't attend. I'm not sure if I want one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid because she is a constant let down but I will feel terrible if I don't ask her. DF's parents can't be in the same room as each other and he feels terrible about having to pick which one he wants there. The last thing I want to do is cause arguments but every single person in my family is so stubborn. DF also wants to ask some of his family members to come who he doesn't even see and I've only met them once. I just don't see the point?

What on earth do I do?!

jojo2605 · Apr 7th, 2012, 17:35 PM

it is very hard, I'm not sure what the best thing is.

I think ultimately it's your day and if you spend all of it trying to please everyone else you'll end up with a room of people you didn't really want there and a day that you didn't want just to keep the peace.

If you are going to spend all that money you have to have the day that you and DH want. Otherwise I dont' see the point. We've had to leave people off our guest list who perhaps would have expected to be at the ceremony/meal, and sure if they were willing to pay the extra money it would have cost to accommodate everyone then they could have come! But we had to be realistic with numbers and think about the guest list quite long and hard.

I'm glad now, as my Oh has said, the people that matter will come and the people that don't come don't matter!

Have the day that you and DH want hun, it's you that will remember this day forever not everyone else!

xlouloux · Apr 7th, 2012, 18:18 PM

Thank you for replying.

I am glad that we have alot of time to think about this kind of stuff, I only want a small wedding if I do it in the UK so I guess it's upto the family if they want to put aside differences for the sake of me and DF. We will be saving money everywhere we can so I think I am going to have to put my foot down with DF about his family.

Thank you for your input x

Doodlebug. · Apr 8th, 2012, 14:19 PM

I dont really have any advice as I am having exactly the same problems as you.
I think its just important to remember its your day, and do what you want. Its so hard to keep everyone happy.
My OH and I are going abroad just the two of us coz I cant be doing with the hassle

dizzy65 · Apr 9th, 2012, 13:05 PM

Caitlin. · Apr 10th, 2012, 10:35 AM

I'm sorry it's so complicated. It's YOUR day so invite who you want to be there. Last year one of my friends was going to get married at the court house but ended up having a small wedding at the last minute, me being the maid of honor and just wearing a nice dress I had. Just have the little bit of family and friends you want. This is your day. Enjoy every moment of it!

Apr 7th, 2012, 16:56 PM	#1
xlouloux Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 2,607	Family dilemmas For a long time I wanted a wedding abroad with just me and DF because of family issues on both sides, but now that I have started thinking about a wedding I have warmed to the idea of doing it in front of everyone. I just don't know if it will be worth all the issues it's going to cause, my parents don't get on but would be willing to put that aside however if I invite my dad it will mean my aunty will want to come with her kids who I'm not particularly fond of, which means my other aunty won't attend. I'm not sure if I want one of my cousins to be a bridesmaid because she is a constant let down but I will feel terrible if I don't ask her. DF's parents can't be in the same room as each other and he feels terrible about having to pick which one he wants there. The last thing I want to do is cause arguments but every single person in my family is so stubborn. DF also wants to ask some of his family members to come who he doesn't even see and I've only met them once. I just don't see the point? What on earth do I do?!

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Apr 7th, 2012, 17:35 PM	#2
jojo2605 Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Brummyland Posts: 2,760	it is very hard, I'm not sure what the best thing is. I think ultimately it's your day and if you spend all of it trying to please everyone else you'll end up with a room of people you didn't really want there and a day that you didn't want just to keep the peace. If you are going to spend all that money you have to have the day that you and DH want. Otherwise I dont' see the point. We've had to leave people off our guest list who perhaps would have expected to be at the ceremony/meal, and sure if they were willing to pay the extra money it would have cost to accommodate everyone then they could have come! But we had to be realistic with numbers and think about the guest list quite long and hard. I'm glad now, as my Oh has said, the people that matter will come and the people that don't come don't matter! Have the day that you and DH want hun, it's you that will remember this day forever not everyone else!

Status: Offline

Apr 7th, 2012, 18:18 PM	#3
xlouloux Trying to conceive (TTC) BnB Addict Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 2,607	Thank you for replying. I am glad that we have alot of time to think about this kind of stuff, I only want a small wedding if I do it in the UK so I guess it's upto the family if they want to put aside differences for the sake of me and DF. We will be saving money everywhere we can so I think I am going to have to put my foot down with DF about his family. Thank you for your input x

Status: Offline

Apr 8th, 2012, 14:19 PM	#4
Doodlebug. Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: N.Ireland Posts: 1,024	I dont really have any advice as I am having exactly the same problems as you. I think its just important to remember its your day, and do what you want. Its so hard to keep everyone happy. My OH and I are going abroad just the two of us coz I cant be doing with the hassle

Status: Offline

Apr 9th, 2012, 13:05 PM	#5
dizzy65 Mum (Mom) BnB Elite Join Date: May 2008 Location: BC canada Posts: 11,769

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Apr 10th, 2012, 10:35 AM	#6
Caitlin. Mum (Mom) Active BnB Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: WV, USA. Posts: 847	I'm sorry it's so complicated. It's YOUR day so invite who you want to be there. Last year one of my friends was going to get married at the court house but ended up having a small wedding at the last minute, me being the maid of honor and just wearing a nice dress I had. Just have the little bit of family and friends you want. This is your day. Enjoy every moment of it!

Status: Offline

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