I would like to share with everyone my birth story of my DS Cooper this maybe a little long (sorry in advance)
On the 19th May 2016 (Thursday) I had a routine appointment with the midwife seeing I was at 37 weeks plus two days this was for blood pressure and urine tests.
A little history before I continue this was my first pregnancy and I was very unprepared as my due date (7th June 2016) was getting closer and I was suddenly getting very anxious.
During that appointment it was revealed that my blood pressure was quite high even though until then it had stayed down because both my mum and aunt had preeclampsia and I was put at high risk.
I was told to head to my local hospital maternity unit to be checked over because I was swollen, had a headache (I blamed all this on the heat) and has problems passing water.
Hoping that by the time I got to the hospital my blood pressure would have gone down but this wasn't to be as it had gotten higher and I was told to drink plenty of fluids to help me.
I was put on bed rest in the exam room and my tummy strapped up to a monitor as my baby boy wasn't moving and I kept feeling faint.
Having called my boyfriend from work he come to see me within the hour where I spent the afternoon having my blood pressure checked and my boy monitored.
Instead of things getting better they got worse when a nurse asks me "Do you have your hospital bag?" and I shake my head because I couldn't carry myself let alone my huge bag which wasn't packed it was on my to do list!
Well the nurse laughs then tells me and my boyfriend "You are having this baby this weekend he needs to come out." To which I begin to cry whilst my bf asks me what he needs to bring back with him as I am admitted.
This was my first time staying at hospital in my thirty one years on the planet and I felt very emotion going (twice) and I just could not stop crying.
That night I go on a ward to be monitored and my parents come to visit me as I explain to them I was going to be induced and their grandson was due anytime this weekend.
Friday goes by in a blur as I go between two beds on the ward the reason why they never told me but it had seriously pissed me off because I was told to rest! (ha)
After being monitored for most of the afternoon and having to pee into a large pot every time I went so they could keep an eye on it which was fun too I then get told the induction will begin.
I have a sweep which is very painful and then a pessary put into place which hurt me even more as I am told my cervix is still very hard and I need to relax (easier said than done!)
Now I am told to wait and see what will happen when I soon feel period type cramps and end up getting a terrible headache which lasts the rest of the day.
That evening I get a cannular fitted onto my arm badly which results in my tee shirt getting covered in blood making me feel sick.
I am told to try and get plenty of rest because I could either go into labour or I would need to a drip put in to help things a long.
Falling asleep I wake up at midnight on the dot after a few hours kip shaking uncontrollably as I try to get up and head to the bathroom. I cannot stop shuddering and when the nurse sees me she asks if I am ok and I tell her I don't feel right maybe it is the pessary?
I am monitored again when after several failed attempts it is decided that my boy is far too sleepy for their liking and I needed to go to the delivery suite to be checked out.
Now here is where things become a blur for me and all I remember was shaking uncontrollably then the nurse telling me they were concerned because my son wasn't moving.
It is decided a doctor will try and break my waters which I find excruciatingly painful and even have gas and air. I begin to cry from panic or the pain I am unsure and a midwife begins to try and calm me down which has the opposite effect! Even worse she puts on the radio and throughout this keep hearing Rihanna songs (I like her but they now remind me of my time in hospital)
Breaking my waters does nothing increases pain, my tears and the shakes so it is decided pretty quickly that I will have a c section. So in between all this I have to sign the consent form as I call my bf who had just left the hospital two hours ago and get him back here asap.
What feels to me like minutes but instead is two or so hours I am prepared for surgery as after welcoming the fact that my boy would soon be in my arms I then begin to panic as I was told all the things that could go wrong!
At 3:56am Saturday morning my baby boy Cooper was born and I felt so much love when I saw his face as my bf held him. In the recovery ward I was told to feed my baby but then scolded by the nurse for moving my arm as they had to monitor me. I go apeshit and in the end my bf has to feed them as I feel so useless!
The weekend goes very quickly as I try to feel something other than angry as I felt alone and lost in all honesty I couldn't bond with my son because I was in such pain. My bf left me to go home because he couldn't stay on the ward and I felt terrible.
To cut a long story short my blood pressure would not go down and so I was put on several types of medication and then my son got jaundice so he had to be put under a light all night.
Roll on Tuesday when my milk came in I cried all day, Cooper got taken away for blood tests then I got told he had something called sticky blood as his jaundice wasn't going away.
This results in a night for him spent in SCBU as I am told he may need a transfusion to thin out his blood and I am left in shock and wanting my baby back.
I visit him all night and luckily he doesn't need a transfusion I am still left reeling from the doctor who spoke at me scaring the shit out of me talking about operations and spending weeks in hospital!
Yet finally after a whole eight days in hospital a complete nightmare for me which I still have nightmares about we are discharged and our journey begins!
Cooper is now 20 weeks and one day and I love him to pieces he is my whole life ( I do still feel bad for not feeling an instant connection but none of that matters now) so that is my story!
Awww sounds like you didn't have it easy at all. Don't feel bad for not having an instant connection, I think it's fairly common when you have a traumatic labour/birth. I know it was for me both times. My youngest is 6 weeks old and I'm still not feeling a proper bond with her yet, I know it will come but it just takes time. Then main thing is you love your son and have a good relationship with him now. Enjoy your prince x
Thank you for your kind words and yes it was traumatic I was far from prepared for birth (something I was told by MW that I would get over) only to find I was very scared. But as you said I soon learned to love him out of the hospital it was that place that gave me anxiety in the first place I think! Conflicting information from everyone did not help me but I like to think that now I am getting the hang of it (some days lol) Sorry you had a bad time also but these things are sent to try us and we kick it's ass everytime!
Gosh that sounds like such a horrible and traumatising experience . My first was an emergency and the next two were planned sections, I know how the pain can be afterwards.
I didn't bond with any of my kids when they were teeny weeny and I think that can be common. Especially after a c-section as it chanes the hormonal responses, you don't get those natural rushes as you do in a vaginal birth.
Oh that does sound like a traumatic experience! Glad that you are enjoying your little boy now.
I also wanted to add that the "rush of love" has nothing to do with cesarean vs natural birth. I had an immediate overwhelming feeling of unconditional love and happiness with all 3 of my boys immediately after birth, still within the operating room, despite my sections. Quite unlike anything else in the world. It did catch me by surprise with my first! And the hormonal response comes from the removal of the placenta, though I am not sure if that on it's own can entirely explain the feeling of love and happiness (my mother didn't feel it). I think it depends more on the individual and probably circumstances (emergency vs planned etc.). At any rate, what matters much more, of course, is the bonding in the longer term even if the start was bumpy and not as expected
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