Oh my goodness dear! You are experiencing what everyone does! First of all, there really aren't that many horrible deliveries. Most go smooth, you just tend to hear about the hard ones. I'm ttc #2, my first is 10 yrs old now. I want to actually give birth this time with no painkillers at all! I had an epidural with my first and it was easy. After it kicked in I didn't feel anything and actually told the doctor to let me know when they were ready! I even had to ask if I was pushing right because I couldn't feel anything. Lol. Seriously, everyone fears it a lot, but it's not bad at all. You may regret it if u have a c
section by choice for many many reasons! I'm hoping I conceived this month, and if I did, I have already told my partner that I refuse to have a c section unless it is medically deemed to be a life or death situation! Also, many woman have c sections that doctors claim to be necessary when they aren't! I hope you find peace and some joy in the thought of child birth. Womens bodies are built for this, don't you were Hun.
Hey Just want to say that I had the same fears as you and was terrified of getting pregnant but wanted to at the same time. I had severe panic attacks and even contemplated suicide once getting pregnant because I could not face the idea of vaginal birth and the aftermath of one really. IF you have a medical reason then you will be allowed to have one, however mental health reasons now count as medical reasons, there is tokophobia which is an actual diagnosed fear of childbirth however not all midwives will acknowledge it.
If I were you I would seek counselling and support as I was not given this until I switched midwives a week ago and I'm now 29 weeks so I've left it a bit late but my new midwife knows my mental health and medical history and we are seeing the OB too book a section next week some time so if you push hard enough and are really genuinely still stressed by the time third tri comes then you should be allowed to have one unless you end up with another reason you need one like baby being breech or having a low lying placenta.
I know a lot of women hate the idea of C-sections and see themselves as failures for having them but I feel the other way around, I would regret not having one.
I really hope you get the help and advice you need to make an informed decision because I know there will be risk and benefit to having one
Congrats on your pregnancy.
I wouldnt worry about labor too much, if you fear the pain there is medicines/epidural you can get, I pushed for almost 2 hours and had to get an EMCsection, I had an epidural and got so close to vaginal OH saw our babies hair and I didn't feel any of it.. And recovering from a section with a newborn is not impossible but its really hard, and the pains you feel after are horrible(like the staples pulling your skin.) I am 4 weeks PP now and just barely starting to feel normal at my incision sight, and I still get occasional pains there.
Hopefully you will get over your fears because baby has to come out one way or another, and most hospitals won't give you a section for a first baby without medical reason.
Firstly a big congrats! Secondly, I know how you're feeling, it was me 2 years ago. I also put off trying as it all frightened me too much. Yes, most women have some fear, but for some of us it's more than 'normal'. I tried talking it through at my first midwife appointment and came away feeling even worse. I moved house and therefore midwives, and it was a totally different experience. She listened and could see my fear was greater than normal. She referred me to the hospital natal support. Whilst I was waiting for my appointment I also started hypo birthing classes as I was determined to beat my fear, however it worsened with panic attacks. I had been referred to a consultant and after talking throug we all decided an elective c-section would be best. It was overall a great experience! Now my lovely little boy is 14 months and my husband and I still agree it was the best decision for me and I certainly don't regret it. I'm now concentrating on bringing up my baby with the knowledge the actual birth was only a small (although life changing) part of this.
Sorry for rambling on, but I wanted to share my experience. My advice is talk to your midwife, if you don't feel you can talk to her then see if there's another you can. Look into and try out all the options you feel might help YOU. Yes, it would have been great to beat my fear but I feel pleased enough that I tried to and I would do it all the same again. You will probably surprise yourself and with a bit of support feel a million times better about gong natural, either way you'll do whats right for YOU and can concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy and then your little bundle. Happy to talk, whatever decisions you make. would love to hear how you get on.
you will most likely be referred to a counselling service depending where you are. In N.Z these services are free when you are pregnant so I have a social worker now too as well as a support system arranged by my midwife and really it will be up to the OBs. My social worker and midwife feel that due to my anxiety and health that has gotten worse since being pregnant, that C-section would be the best option but mind you I am 30 weeks pregnant without any counselling as I had a bad midwife who would not let me have any help and lied to me and told me I could have a C-section then turned me down at the last minute for an OB appt but generally because its your first trimester they should give you counselling and discuss all of your birth options in full and then as the months go on they will assess your anxieties and so on and then decide so you may even find that with the right support and counselling you may not be fearful of a vaginal birth anymore
do you have any concerns of going over due? that is a really big anxiety for me, it was keeping me awake at night and making me throw up. its best to discuss induction as well as its easy to say "oh just wait it out, baby is not ready etc" but when your mental state is failing, it cannot be good for baby or mother to wait it out.
I do hope you get the help and support you need and in the end get the birth you want
I agree with the other ladies, seek some counseling and support asap. Its pretty normal to be scared of labor. I went through my entire pregnancy thinking I was going to have an elective section, but they changed their minds at 37 weeks. Personally I wasn't scared of labor at all, I just wanted what was best for my baby and for her to be safe. I had an awful labor which ended in EMCS. But the second I held my baby I said I would do it all again. She was worth everything I went through. Its amazing what our bodies can do. I was induced for 5 days and I only got an epidural at 8cm because I had a gut feeling I was going to have an EMCS anyway. Everyone has different pain thresholds, and you don't get a medal for medication free labor. If you need drugs, take them. That's what they are there for.
Trust me, having a section is no walk in the park. Its major surgery. My LO is 7 months, and half my wound is still open and oozing. Its not infected but I have a collection of fluid in my abdomen, and it leaks about half a cup a day. It has stopped me being able to exercise and loose the baby weight and I am really struggling with it.
Only you know what is right for you and how you feel about labor. I really hope you get the support you need
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