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Old Nov 11th, 2015, 17:21 PM   1
RoseArcana
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Anyone potentially 'done' due to partner?


As title I guess. We are currently doing counselling because we are at loggerheads - I want at least one more and he's very against it. I have no doubt I will end up resenting him (not intentionally) if we can't agree.

Anyone else?



 
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Old Nov 15th, 2015, 14:49 PM   2
Eleanor ace
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. I'm not in this position but I thought I was for a while; I was desperate for a 3rd and DH was pretty sure he was done at 2. I was really upset at the thought I wouldn't have another LO but as we already had 2 it wan't a deal breaker; stopping at 1 would have been a very serious thing for me (no disrespect meant to anyone who chooses to have 1 child, it's just not what I wanted for my family and my DH agreed) so I can totally understand why you would resent your OH. I hope that the counselling helps you guys to work through this, and ideally leads to you having another LO. Did you guys originally plan to have 2?



 
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Old Nov 15th, 2015, 16:38 PM   3
RoseArcana
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Thanks for replying. We didn't really set a number but we discussed not having just one. He's got one brother and I've got two sisters so I guess I assumed it wouldn't just be one. He always knew I wanted a big family but compromised to 2 early on.

Counselling is going okay. We've discussed how it's only his feelings that are stopping him x



 
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Old Nov 15th, 2015, 23:11 PM   4
mom2pne
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My husband got a vas the 5th and he knows I wasn't done having kids especially with having 3 losses since our last son was born. But I couldn't stop him from doing it. If I wouldn't have lost the last baby I would be happy about his vas. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't throw my marriage away as we have been through so much in the nearly 24 years ( nearly 19 married) we have been together. I get mad at him sometimes for getting it done especially seeing since he should have done it back in 2010. Any way I hope things work out between the 2 of you and you come to an agreement. Which I didn't get.



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2015, 04:41 AM   5
RoseArcana
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2pne View Post
My husband got a vas the 5th and he knows I wasn't done having kids especially with having 3 losses since our last son was born. But I couldn't stop him from doing it. If I wouldn't have lost the last baby I would be happy about his vas. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't throw my marriage away as we have been through so much in the nearly 24 years ( nearly 19 married) we have been together. I get mad at him sometimes for getting it done especially seeing since he should have done it back in 2010. Any way I hope things work out between the 2 of you and you come to an agreement. Which I didn't get.
I'm so sorry for your losses I know what you mean about the vasectomy - I would be furious but feel like I couldn't do anything about it. I think I'm safe from that for now as he is 24 and only one child... I think most Docs would say no. I hope you find peace with his decision x



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2015, 13:44 PM   6
topsy
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Yep.... I would have another one but DH wont i had severe postnatal depression and was in a mother and baby unit for 3 months when LO was 8 months old 3 hours away from home. DH has said he dosnt want to go through that again xxxx



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2015, 13:50 PM   7
RoseArcana
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Originally Posted by topsy View Post
Yep.... I would have another one but DH wont i had severe postnatal depression and was in a mother and baby unit for 3 months when LO was 8 months old 3 hours away from home. DH has said he dosnt want to go through that again xxxx
So sorry to hear that hun. X



 
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Old Nov 17th, 2015, 04:23 AM   8
Dinah93
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Yes, I would love one more, although not for a couple of years. DH is more than likely done, not because he wouldn't be happy with one more, but because he's worried about the risks to me, I had pre-e and HELLP severely the first time around and spent nearly 3 weeks in hospital, I was closely monitored the second time and absolutely fine but he's still scared of a repeat of the first time or worse.



 
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Old Nov 17th, 2015, 04:33 AM   9
RoseArcana
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Yes, I would love one more, although not for a couple of years. DH is more than likely done, not because he wouldn't be happy with one more, but because he's worried about the risks to me, I had pre-e and HELLP severely the first time around and spent nearly 3 weeks in hospital, I was closely monitored the second time and absolutely fine but he's still scared of a repeat of the first time or worse.
I can understand his concern but no help to the broody mind eh? Hope all goes well for you x



 
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Old Nov 20th, 2015, 12:54 PM   10
baileybubs
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I'm sorry for all the struggles you ladies are going through.

I'm in a similar situation. I had my kids with my ex, I met my current partner a year ago on online dating and specifically put on my profile that I wanted kids. His said he might want kids. But now things are more serious he's told me that he doesn't want any. Sadly he lost his young dd several years ago so I can understand his reasoning and why he doesn't want any (he's worried her health was possibly something hereditary) but I'm a little upset that I feel a decision is being made about my future and family that is out of my control. I always wanted 3-4 kids and I am so lucky to be blessed with a son and a daughter. But I too worry that I'll end up resenting him, equally if we did have another child he may end up resenting me so it's hard to deal with the issue.

It seems something that's not massively important now, and it may be that in a couple of years I may not want any more kids (id definitely wait at least 2-3 years if we ever did decide to) so it's not that I feel I absolutely need another child. I guess I'm just struggling with the fact that I have no say in the matter.



 
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