I have just had my 7th baby and while I was pregnant my husband had a vasectomy. At first I was totally fine with it and then the week leading up to it I was having massive doubts about it. The day he had it done I was in absolute bits and didn't speak to him for days after.
None of my family understood what I was feeling and are quite relieved that I will be producing no more.
But since giving birth all I can think about is being pregnant again. I have felt like this after the last couple of children and I know it isn't going to go away.
My pregnancy towards the end was pretty hard going and I was induced at 39 weeks which ended in a c section as my labour didn't progress.
It was my 3rd c section and recovery is pretty shocking. I don't think I could go through it all again yet my body can only think about making more babies. As soon as my husband comes within 10 feet of me my body reacts even though I'm still recovering from a c section !!
I find myself upset at the thought of not seeing two lines ever again but my brain knows it is crazy.
I swear I am going to need some type of councilling!!
To be perfectly frank... some counseling could be a positive thing for you. I don't mean that in a harsh way at all- but it sounds like your head and heart are truly in a battle. I don't think it's EVER totally cut and dry and easy when you decide you are done. I absolutely do NOT want any more kids- mostly due to life circumstances and such- my age, fertility issues, chronic pain issues, to name a few... so I know only having one bio and one step child is how my life was meant to be. But, that doesn't mean I don't have "moments" I question it all... of course! Granted, those moments are typically short lived. But I already see a counseling (after my Mom passed)- and I've absolutely talked through the whole "done with kids" thing as well.
I do think the strongest pull is when you realize your babies aren't babies anymore- but your still in that baby "stage" ya know? But now, that my little is 4yrs- I can't imagine doing the whole baby thing over (eesh). She only get's more independent, I only get more of "myself" back... more time with hubby (to make our relationship a priority as it should be) etc... etc...
it's not rational though- as to when you are truly done. At some point, you just have to be. And the rest... acceptance etc... will come in time.
I do understand your feelings...and I do agree that perhaps counseling would be a good step.
At some point, I think you have to ask yourself if having any more would be beneficial to the family as a whole...or if another pregnancy is fulfilling some need or desire you have personally, if that makes any sense.
It's hard to be done...I have two children, and I definitely struggle, but I know for my family as a whole, having one more would actually take away from the two children we already have, financially, space-wise, attention-wise, etc. So, we're going to focus on the blessings we have, rather than creating MORE blessings. LOL!
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