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Old Feb 19th, 2016, 11:43 AM   11
kdmalk
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Originally Posted by wookie130 View Post
Well, I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but I am definitely NOT judging you. Pregnancy and motherhood is a deeply personal experience, and it doesn't make you a monster if your experience has compelled you to want to stop at one child. It sounds like you're a great mother, whether you have 1 kid, or 5, so really, that's what should matter to YOU, not what other women think about your wanting one child. This goes to show you on some level where we're at as a culture/society, when women actually still feel judged for not wanting to fulfill some unspoken expectation that a mother should have at least two or more children. It's all good, whatever your reasons are. We are definitely our own people, and no one should judge your life decisions.

I would still hold off, and try hard to not think of having any more at this time...because I do know that your opinion very well may change down the road. And maybe it won't. But keep all of the necessary body parts conducive to conception (including his) and pregnancy up and running, just in case you feel differently one day.

I sound less like a monster than I would have if I had just typed all my original feelings about pregnancy. Lol. I would just never want to offend someone who couldn't get pregnant or had a difficult time becoming pregnant. I don't want to be insensitive by saying that I was annoyed that I had to quit crossfit for a year when some people would give up anything for a baby. But, you are right about saying that it is sad that we are there as a society that I would worry about feeling judged for not liking pregnancy and only wanting one child.

We would never make any life-altering decisions at this point. I have never even taken birth control and didn't ask for it at my postpartum appointment. We have just always been VERY careful. All doors will still be open if I change my mind. Probably more open than your average couple since I don't take birth control. I could change my mind at any moment. Lol. When we decided to ttc the first time (I tracked my cycles for a year or more on an app so I could get a better idea of how long they were, etc.), I literally walked into the living room and said to DH, "This app says I'm ovulating." And he was like, "okay." ...and then I was pregnant. Lol. Granted, we had been discussing the possibility of ttc since the previous month, but definitely hadn't made a decision. But yeah, the option will always be there if I change my mind. We seem to be awkwardly fertile. lol.

Thanks for your reply! And for not judging me!



 
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Old Feb 24th, 2016, 07:57 AM   12
Quartz
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Was the advice for things to stop in pregnancy quite restrictive. I ask because if you were doing it before and had a low risk pregnancy there is no reason to stop exercising routines. I was cycling until it became difficult to get on the bike at 32 weeks

A lot of things like what to eat if you read it are not as restrictive (eggs for example now you have lion stamps are ok)

I stopped doing very little during pregnancy.And the second time is different you dont have time to think about it - life goes on with childcare, work etc you dont really notice.

It also sounds strange but I wonder if getting pregnant first time has left it mark - it sounds ok but the same thing happened to me and whilst I was thrilled I did feel a little robbed of the ttc experiemce



 
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Old Feb 27th, 2016, 12:05 PM   13
kdmalk
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Originally Posted by Quartz View Post
Was the advice for things to stop in pregnancy quite restrictive. I ask because if you were doing it before and had a low risk pregnancy there is no reason to stop exercising routines. I was cycling until it became difficult to get on the bike at 32 weeks

A lot of things like what to eat if you read it are not as restrictive (eggs for example now you have lion stamps are ok)

I stopped doing very little during pregnancy.And the second time is different you dont have time to think about it - life goes on with childcare, work etc you dont really notice.

It also sounds strange but I wonder if getting pregnant first time has left it mark - it sounds ok but the same thing happened to me and whilst I was thrilled I did feel a little robbed of the ttc experiemce
After our first two pregnancies resulted in losses, I was really too afraid to exercise. Especially early on, I was terrified I would do something and lose the baby, so I just walked during pregnancy because of that. So I do think part of the reason I don't want to be pregnant again is fear or anxiety, but I also just genuinely didn't enjoy pregnancy. Perhaps it was partly because of fear though. But it is interesting that you point out that things are different the second time because life goes on. So I won't have time to worry! If I ever do wind up pregnant again, at least there is that! Haha



 
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Old Mar 1st, 2016, 01:51 AM   14
Zephram
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I found your post quite interesting as I felt much the same after having my first. I didn't enjoy pregnancy and had no desire to be pregnant again and my new baby took up so much space in my world (let's be honest, took over my world) that I couldn't imagine wanting more.

I genuinely thought I never wanted to be pregnant again and I didn't even -couldn't even - think that having another might be nice. But then he turned one and I started to feel a bit like myself again and I gradually began to feel that more might be nice.

So we started trying when he was around 19 months and I fell pregnant again when he turned 2. Fast forward to now and I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old and I honestly can't remember life with just one. They love each other and they'll always have each other.

I hated being pregnant less the second time around and some of the time I actually forgot I was pregnant. Mostly because you have to get on with things already having one and it feels less strange since you've already done it once.

Just saying you may feel that way now but you may not always, whether it's biological kids or adoption, once your world has settled down to a new norm you may feel differently. But if you don't, that's ok too.



 
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Old Mar 1st, 2016, 23:41 PM   15
MelliPaige
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I know it can sound a little condescending but I felt the same way when I had Leo. He was a very easy pregnancy and the easiest of babies and I really felt like he was enough.. Then he started getting close to two and being independent and I felt like I had some of myself back. I realized that although he was enough for me, I wasn't done. I felt like there was someone missing and really wanted leo to have a buddy. He's got one on the way! You may not change your mind like I did, but I wouldn't say definitely no more right now!



 
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Old Mar 3rd, 2016, 20:12 PM   16
kdmalk
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Thank you for your responses! It is nice to hear from some other women that just didn't enjoy being pregnant either! Interesting that both of you changed your mind later. Maybe I will one day also!



 
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Old Mar 3rd, 2016, 21:41 PM   17
MelliPaige
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdmalk View Post
Thank you for your responses! It is nice to hear from some other women that just didn't enjoy being pregnant either! Interesting that both of you changed your mind later. Maybe I will one day also!
Took almost two years even with my angel baby.
Also I fixed all the typos in my post I didn't realise there were so many but it should be easier to read now.



 
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Old Mar 5th, 2016, 16:52 PM   18
oceania
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My wee boy is 10 months old. I have felt done ever since he was born, I just feel like my family is complete. BUT I also know I can change my mind in the future. I just know that having two small children at the same time is NOT for me. If you want some online resources for families with one child I can give you some tips if you PM me x

Some thoughts:
- I truly believe one should only have a second child if you want to raise another human being. Possible sibling bond is a bonus. There are lots of siblings that either don't get along at all or at best are neutral. Your child will have plenty of opportunities to make friends. If I want to talk to someone I call my girlfriends/husband, not my brother.
- It is a huge taboo for anyone to say they regret having a child. The truth is the fact that you love the child doesn't mean the decision was necessarily the correct one. Hey, I have days when I question whether becoming a mother was the right decision and it does not diminish the amount of love I have for my son one bit. We would all be having 10+ kids if you never regretted having one.
- Personally I am an introvert who needs a lot of downtime, and I cannot imagine coping with the noise and chaos of two children. So considering your own personality type is useful too.
- Some people believe that financially you'll just wing it somehow but I don't, I am so happy I only have to buy stuff for one child, pay for hobbies and holidays etc. I like to go somewhere warm every winter, would be harder with more kids.

I never thought of anything when I was TTC my son -- I "knew" it would be hard, there could be health problems, it would change my relationship with my partner, less money etc but nevertheless I wanted him 100%. I have yet to experience that feeling again. So unless that burning desire for another child comes regardless of all the sacrifices and hard work it would require, I am not doing it. My husband also would prefer more, but I feel it would break me and honestly, I'll rather be a single mother to one than two if he decided to end things over that. It's too big of a thing for me to compromise on.

And yes, there are plenty of happy only children. I wish I was an only child. My brother is very selfish and I have experienced a lot of pain in my life due to his existence, and also due to my parents favoritism.

Oh and you are only a few weeks into the game, enjoy your bub you have plenty of time to think about it. I actually can't even remember being pregnant/giving birth too well anymore haha, definitely fades away. I just don't want to deal with the needs of two kids at the same time.
-



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Old Mar 8th, 2016, 18:31 PM   19
jessmke
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When hubby and I got together it was extremely important to him that we have a family. I was sort of on the fence about children, I didn't desperately want kids but I also wasn't dead set against it, I felt like I could be happy either way. After a few years we decided we would have only one child. Hubby is a bit older (42) so although he would like two kids, he was ok with only one because of his age. I absolutely hated being pregnant. I normally live an extremely active lifestyle, but I had bad morning sickness the entire way through my pregnancy which made it nearly impossible to exercise. Like you, I felt restricted or trapped when I was pregnant. I used to tell hubby that I felt like I was sitting around waiting for my life to start again. I could not wait for my pregnancy to be over. I felt guilty because I felt like my anxiousness for my due date was more because it meant I wouldn't be pregnant anymore, and not because it meant I would finally get to meet my baby. A few weeks after the baby was born my hubby mentioned booking his vasectomy, and I find myself hesitating. I don't feel a strong desire for another baby, but I also don't feel confident that I am done with just one. Part of the reason we wanted a small family is because we travel a lot and want to be financially able to continue travelling, and like you we want to have the financial freedom to provide whatever we want for our child. When I think about our lifestyle the rational part of me knows that one child fits in better with our plans for our future, but then I find myself looking out my kitchen window and imagining our daughter playing in the yard with a sibling. Hubby isn't going to get a vasectomy until we are sure we are done. If we do have another hubby wants it to be soonish because he doesn't want to be an 'old dad', so we will have to make a decision within the next year. i honestly never thought I would consider having another one!



 
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Old Mar 9th, 2016, 17:58 PM   20
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I'm not saying "you'll change your mind" because not only is it not possible for me to say if that will or will not happen, it's also very condensing! But I will say it's quite early days to 100% rule it out, before having kids I wanted 2 or 3, but after my first was born I was absolutely certain she would be an only child. My husband wanted another but I was done. After 2 years I changed my mind and now we have 2 kids. You may well never change your mind, this may be the absolute right decision for you but as I say it's early days, your hormones will be everywhere right now.

In our situation as I was very sick when my daughter was born which was 50% of my reservation (the other 50% mostly not wanting the whole sleepless nights, stress etc again). Because my husband and I didn't agree on having more children or not, we decided to put the whole conversation to one side for a few months - it was neither a yes or a no - and I also agreed to see a specialist to discuss what happened when my daughter was born and the future risks/medical care etc of any future pregnancies. Once we had that information from the doctor we then shelved everything and came back to it later. Rather than you and your OH trying to convince each other right now, why don't you agree to shelve any conversation on it for 6 months - if you still don't agree, shelve it for 6 months. And see how you go.

As for only children - I'm an only child and never felt I was missing out on siblings, nor was I spoilt. There's nothing wrong with only having one. The only time I've ever thought having a sibling would be good is in terms of when my parents are old and need care/support.



 
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