Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Jul 6th, 2016, 11:25 AM   1
kmbabycrazy
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Scarborough, UK
Posts: 5,818

Not coping as well as I was


I was kind of doing well with not having any more children (due to husband's wishes not my own...he doesn't want any more), I was at uni and could focus on that, and I had gone to uni for a specific career which would have involved moving to a city, and the thought of moving somewhere new and beginning a new career were things that helped me not think about wanting more children, they were things that made me think it would have been better if we didn't have any more children. But then my husband changed his mind about wanting to move and so we have to stay here and there isn't many career options around here, especially ones I'm qualified for, and so far I haven't had any luck with my job applications and my current job can't offer me better/more hours and so I can't afford to stay in it.

Having nothing to focus on is sending my broodiness into overdrive, and last week I thought I might be pregnant as I was having symptoms so similar to my daughter but my period came full force yesterday, and it was an agonising reminder that I won't be pregnant again. I feel so completely down and empty about it right now, but I know if I tell hubby this is how I'm feeling he'll feel like I'm pressuring him into having another or making him feel bad about upsetting him. It's just really hard right now and I don't know how to feel better about it



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jul 6th, 2016, 11:49 AM   2
BunnyN
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portugal
Posts: 2,358
I think its important to be open about how you are feeling. At some point we all have to come to terms with our family being complete. I know there are good reasons for this one being our last but I'm sure there are going to be times thats hard for me because a part of me still wants at least 5 . Its a decision you have to make together though and thats not something that can be done if he doesn't know how you really feel. He may not have taken into account how strongly you feel about it. Even if you still don't have children he can't help you cope if he doesn't know what you are going through. If you bottle it up you are just going to end up resentful and lonely, which isn't fair on either of you.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jul 6th, 2016, 12:47 PM   3
kmbabycrazy
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Scarborough, UK
Posts: 5,818
He knows how I feel. We've been through this since my daughter was one, and I also told him when he changed his mind about moving that it was hard not getting anything and that it felt like he was getting everything. That there are two things i've really wanted in my life the career I went to university for and a big family, I get neither and he gets what he wants, no more children and to stay here, because you can't push someone to do something they don't want to do. I can't force him to be a father again if he doesn't want to be and I can't force him to move. I've told him a million times and I even lightly said that I joke about having another child because it's hard to be broody when you know you're not going to have another child. I just know that trying to have a serious conversation after being a bit jokey about it lately is going to put him in a bad mood and I don't think an argument (which will likely happen) is going to help.

It also doesn't help that my friend keeps telling me she's certain I'll have another. I know she's trying to help but it doesn't.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jul 6th, 2016, 15:30 PM   4
Sealion24
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Cambridge, UK
Posts: 32
I feel exactly the same my oh has said 100% no more children. I always wanted 3 and feel sad everyday we won't have anymore, especially as a few of my friends have just had their 3rd. I don't have a career to fall back on as I just work in a shop and have no qualifications which I don't really enjoy and just do for the money and gave up my hobbies when we had ds1 so the kids really are my life and all I think about. Ds2 is growing up so quickly and I only have 4 weeks maternity leave left which makes me feel even more sad I won't get to do this again. Hope we can both find some closure



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jul 31st, 2016, 15:17 PM   5
LalaR
Other
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Scotland
Posts: 964
Hi there. I'm in the really not coping stage of this. We have 2 gorgeous children age 3 1/2 and 2. I really want a 3rd but DH says he is 90% against it. I turned 40 in January so know time is not on our side. Anyway, DH is wanting to go overseas to visit family in 18 months time and says he doesn't even want to discuss having a 3rd until after that. In reality that would be waiting until I'm 42 which I know is too late. Feeling absolutely gutted!! No idea how to even start coming to terms with this. X



 
Status: Offline
 

SEO by vBSEO