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Old Aug 19th, 2016, 04:00 AM   1
Mum (Mom)
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How do I tell my daughter we won't have any more kids?

So DH and I have a 5 year old daughter, and we had wanted 1 or 2 more but we're coming around more and more to the idea of not having any more . We tried for 3 years for a second, finally got pregnant, and I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in April this year. I just don't feel like the stress of TTC is worth it.
I also want to train to be a nurse, get a job and work (and I don't want to be putting my children in childcare at a young age). I want to be able to take my daughter on rollercoasters and holidays, and I don't think I'd be able to do that with a younger baby. If the age gap was smaller it would be OK, but it just didnt happen for us.

The only issue is my daughter. She keeps talking about 'when you have another baby' or 'we can give that to my baby brother or sister.' and it's our fault. we didn't think MC would ever happen to us, and told her I was pregnant. We did tell her when I had my miscarriage, and she dealt with it well (her grandfather died when she was 3, so she has experience dealing with death). But she still is convinced we will have another.

How do I tell her we wont be having another? As we've gotten more happy with the idea of maybe not having more, I've been correcting her to say 'IF we have another baby' but we still haven't decided for sure.

Also, I wasn't an only child. I have 3 siblings, and DH has 6 half siblings/step siblings and siblings, so we don't really know. Is anyone here an only child who wishes they had siblings? or an only child who is glad that they were?

Please help

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Old Sep 5th, 2016, 05:16 AM   2
Mum (Mom)
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I have a good friend in your position too! And and their dd is 4 and loves babies. If there really is no more babies, why not get your dd a pet? Something to care and look after? My dd is 5 in February and has her dog lol even though she has a brother she's way more content with a pet than a naughty littke brother in her eyes lol!

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Old Sep 5th, 2016, 15:31 PM   3
Mum (Mom)
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I would just be honest about your reasons. My son is nearly 5 and would understand if I said 'we're not going to have any more because we want to take you on lovely holidays and roller coasters and we wouldn't be able to do that with a baby' and maybe explain that babies are actually a bit boring and can't do much and need lots of feeds, nappy changing etc. It's hard as it sounds like you may have had another if you hadn't had such a hard journey ttc, I don't know how to explain that to a little one.

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Old Sep 9th, 2016, 11:24 AM   4
Mum (Mom)
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I agree with the above poster in being honest and just focus on the positives as to why you're not going to have any more children, it sounds as though your daughter is mature and has managed with the subject of the loss of your baby and her grandad so may well cope with this better than you think she will? Children at that age take things so much at face value that I imagine she may ask a couple of questions but everything to them is so matter of fact (my daughter is almost four and understands that her nan and grandad are my hubbys parents, she then turned to me and said grandad is your dad and you don't have a mum - my mum died 8 years ago), they're quite blunt but don't have the ability to be as inquisitive as an adult.

I am an only child and to be honest, wanted to have more than one child as I was quite lonely growing up. Having said that, it was more because my mum and dad worked long days and so I was kinda left to entertain myself rather than them play with me or take me for days out. I remember a lot of the time playing alone and can't actually think of a time that I was played with so make an active effort to do this with my children. We did consider not having any more after the loss of our son last year, similar to you in terms of the stress of Ttc and the worry that we would lose another however have been blessed with a rainbow baby.

You definitely have to do what is best for you. There were many pros to me being an only child in the fact that I had nice holidays each year and was fortunate enough for my parents to be able to buy me my first car (a green Ford Fiesta - I'll never forget it! - which was 800), I know I'd never have been lucky enough to have that if I had siblings as my parents wouldn't have been able to afford it.


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