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Old May 16th, 2017, 09:54 AM   41
CaliDreaming
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Ok so I saw my friends new baby 1 week old _ OMG cute BUT here is the crazy thing despite being broody I felt nothing no broodiness etc yes OMG tiny lovely newborn but not my newborn so just wasn't the same

So I think I am mourning the fact that I will NEVER have a newborn again and not just general broodiness
Yeah, it seems a lot of women really miss the baby stages. I think part of the reason why it's been easier for me to decide to stay at 2 is that I really do not enjoy the newborn or toddler stages. Most of the fun in parenthood for me has been the "big kid" stage.



 
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Old May 31st, 2017, 14:41 PM   42
twinklestar25
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I sure hope it gets easier. Actually I know it will but I think it just takes time. I've recently made a decision not to try for a third child.

I am equally excited about the future, but sad about letting go of the vision of the family I wanted. For me, the positives of staying at two vastly outweighed the sense of completion I know I'd get at having 3, but that hasn't made the decision any easier for now.

It was a combination of things that led me to this decision. I have two kids, a 6 year old girl and and soon to be 3 year old boy. They are at an age where dh and I are starting to regain our lives. They're also at a critical age where I'd like to give them opportunities to do whatever it is they want in life. If I had 3, it would mean that everyone would have to make major sacrifices. I'd have to pull my girl out of a lot of her favorite activities both due to financing and time constraints. We wouldn't be able to afford to send #3 to the good preschool that my daughter and son went to and that would kill me. I literally don't think I have it in me to pull my boy out of that preschool and put him in one that is not nearly as good because I wanted a third. I wouldn't have any quality time with dh, who I already spend far less than with than I think is healthy for a relationship.

One of my favorite things about being a parent is being able to do things with my kids and watch them grow and explore and experience new things. When I was growing up, my parents didn't have money for me to get into any activities, take any lessons, or go on any vacations. I didn't feel deprived growing up and I was happy, but now that I'm a parent, I want my kids to be able to do all of those things that I couldn't as a child and have a full, well-rounded life. If I had a third, I'd be able to provide some of that for each of my children but not as much as I would like. We would not be broke, but we'd have to carefully budget every single luxury. I'm just tired of that life and I don't have it in me to struggle anymore. I look at how much more carefree we all would be...

I would love that third child dearly, but I fear that every time I'd have to say "no" to one of my children due to financial and time constraints, I'd forever have to revisit the "was it worth it" question. Dh also feels very strongly we should stay at two, but would do it for me. Also, I work a full-time job and I'm already stretched time wise at three. I wouldn't be able to spend a hour with each kid individually at bedtime and helping them with their homework. I'd lose some of that intimacy I have with each of my kids and my hubby.

Also, it took extended periods to conceive both of my children. I just don't want to go back to TTC roller coaster. I feel like all of our lives would be on hold and don't want to end my childbearing years on a bad note. I just don't have it in me anymore to try month after month anymore. I don't want to go back to pain of BFNs and single lines on HPTs.

Pretty much everyone in the equation, including myself, would have to make significant sacrifices to make my dream of a third child come true. Yes they would gain from having a third, but everyone is already so happy with what they have right now. Everything is perfect and we have a life that many people would envy. There is no compelling reason for me to make this happen. In our situation, it just feels very selfish for me to push for a third.

It is hard, but I'm doing this for my children and my family. I feel I am giving up on my dream so they don't have to. It would be one thing if it happened accidentally and we had no choice but to make it work. It's another when you consciously make a decision to do something that you know is going to have life-altering implications for your family.
This is just how I feel. I pop back here from time to time, when I feel myself questioning my decision to stick with 2 and wavering. I know it's for the best but get that flip in the stomach every now and then although there becoming fewer and far between, when I think about doing it all again I feel a mixture of excitement, fear, guilt, sadness and relief all in one! It comes over me just like that in fairly quick succession. Excitement at the thought of doing the whole thing again, fear of the unknown of managing 3 children, guilt on the children I already have, sadness of the realisation it probably won't happen and relief when I see a little child playing up or do the shopping and have a big enough bill with just the 4 of us or I get a good deal on a family ticket to an attraction that wouldn't be case with 5 etc! Think it's one we can't win, either way there will be some feeling of guilt or doubt, Andy I truly think if been totally honest even though of course I would love and adore another baby, those days/nights when it's hard going, the times when I struggle to get a nice hotel to fit 5 in 1 room, the food and clothes bill, having to decide which child gets to go a certain activity as I can't manage all 3, making the older ones sit through baby activities/shows or depriving the youngest from activities to accomadte the older ones, having to put them through listening to a crying baby etc I can't say I wouldn't question whether it was the right choice and possibly find that hard when I can't give the others what they would have.

I did used to want a 3rd child, a 'larger' family for the big family christmasses and holidays etc but when I thought about it to the best of my knowledge how it would possibly be, the extra cost, time and effort involved I realised I have the perfect family already and the best of all worlds. This is the time I've been waiting for although I loved the baby days, my boys are just turned/ing 7&4. So time for cinema trips, ice skating, exploring new activities and more independence all round.

My stomach still does a flip at the thought of one more but all the excitement is soon over they grow up and although that's all lovely and an extra person in the family nice, it does come with it's difficult bits too, and unfortunately I think for us a third time is too much in many ways. I think it's very much emotion vs logic and I don't want to struggle, but it could be so easily done (I appreciate not for everyone and count myself very lucky to have what i do everyday). It is hard, it's nice to come here and air my thoughts and listen to the thoughts of people in the same situation, we never know if it's truly the right choice, we can only do what we think is best. **hugs**



 
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Old Sep 30th, 2017, 06:39 AM   43
sweetcheeks85
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Stumbled across this post and so glad to hear I am not alone with this feeling. I currently have 1 DS and 1 DD thought i was done but have been longing for a 3rd for over a year ☹ There are so many reasons why its not the right thing for us as a family but i just cant shake it!! x



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Old Sep 30th, 2017, 14:15 PM   44
lau86
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I am stiilllllll struggling and my youngest is nearly two!! Lots of my friends are pregnant, including 3 people at work!! My issue is I could have another and still feel the same, I just don't know. My children are awesome but 3 is a lot.



 
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Old Sep 30th, 2017, 14:34 PM   45
catty
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We decided to go to permanant measures and he got the snip. 3 is alot and for me it was more about finances which wont be changing.
I feel content now thats done and i know if in the future we reallyyyy struggled there is fostering/adoption but i feel happier knowing i dont have a choice



 
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Old Oct 1st, 2017, 08:02 AM   46
lau86
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We decided to go to permanant measures and he got the snip. 3 is alot and for me it was more about finances which wont be changing.
I feel content now thats done and i know if in the future we reallyyyy struggled there is fostering/adoption but i feel happier knowing i dont have a choice
To be honest I could smack my husband a lot of the time as he won't have the snip even though he has said he doesn't want more children. He says it's too permanent but I think he's just being a wimp!! I'm in total limbo, I do think it would be easier if the decision was taken away. I agreed to have the copper coil but I feel really bitter about it and I don't know how to get past it



 
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Old Oct 1st, 2017, 08:15 AM   47
AngelUK
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I am too old to have kids now and the decision has been taken out of my hands and I do not find it easier. In fact I wish I could decide that we are done (which we are really in a way kinda) but it isn't my choice.



 
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Old Oct 2nd, 2017, 11:38 AM   48
CaliDreaming
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AngelUK. I guess it really is the feeling you had no choice that makes it that much harder. I wonder if the hormonal changes that come with menopause will take the yearning away? When I was having trouble TTC#2, one of the scariest things for me was the thought I would have to live with the yearning for another child the rest of my life. Hopefully after time you'll reach a point where you can't imagine your family with a third child added to it.

AFM, after just a few short months, I'm happy to report that my decision not to try for a third is starting to feel more and more like choice to the point where I feel like I was crazy for even considering a third child. No regrets here--just relief! I don't even get that jealous when I see three-child families anymore, just little twinges that quickly pass.

I have been stretched sooooo thin between my work, kids and hubby. I'm not sure if I'd welcome the idea of a surprise bfp at this point and am eager for permanent birth control options. Heart is finally catching up with head! Good thing I have had trouble conceiving and had time to think it over instead of being forced to make the best of things.



 
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Old Dec 3rd, 2017, 10:30 AM   49
Mamoosca
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I'm in the same predicament! My 3 are similar ages to yours and in fact i'm pretty sure I remember your name from the pregnancy forums with my first! My youngest is due to turn 2 in February and I cried and cried for weeks after she was born because I didn't want her to grow up and to never have a newborn again. Then it kind of went away for around 18 months and now the broodiness is back with vengeance.

It's just not the right time for us right now. I keep swinging back and forth from feeling done and wanting to have one last baby. I've decided i'll see how I feel in 2021 (that seems ages away) when my youngest has started full time school and I will be 35!



 
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Old Dec 3rd, 2017, 11:22 AM   50
lau86
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I'm in the same predicament! My 3 are similar ages to yours and in fact i'm pretty sure I remember your name from the pregnancy forums with my first! My youngest is due to turn 2 in February and I cried and cried for weeks after she was born because I didn't want her to grow up and to never have a newborn again. Then it kind of went away for around 18 months and now the broodiness is back with vengeance.

It's just not the right time for us right now. I keep swinging back and forth from feeling done and wanting to have one last baby. I've decided i'll see how I feel in 2021 (that seems ages away) when my youngest has started full time school and I will be 35!
Are you talking to me, there's so many replies lol.
How long have you been broody for? I do think broodiness increases at Christmas as it's such a lovely family time, for me anyway.
I don't think I will be having any more and it has got better recently, as I've got further away from the baby bit. I'm looking ahead to no nappies etc now! I love the newborn stage but it really did take its toll on me last time, in hindsight I think i was a bit depressed so I need to take my rose tinted glasses off
I'm also so busy, I don't honestly know how people manage with 4 or more, my oldest does beavers, football, swimming and dance which I know is a lot but he enjoys it all and I can't imagine doing that for the others never mind a 4th!!
But yeah, I'm using the same tactic as you, I'm going to give it some time and see how I feel. Not sure if any of what I said resonates with you but it's helpful to write down how you feel!



 
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