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Old Oct 18th, 2016, 01:10 AM   11
Bella1185
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Thank you all so much!!!!!!! You've all given me such great support and encouragement!!! Apologies for the late and rather impersonal replies....I didn't "re-check" the thread so wasn't getting alerted to the new replies I've shared these suggestions and questions you've presented with DH - he is truly supportive, he doesn't feel it's a dealbreaker, but for me it's totally something to talk more about!!!





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Originally Posted by vermeil View Post
Hmm... you can have another child, he can stay at home with the baby and you start your company/career. Problem solved? seems simple an obvious to me. you can save up for it and live frugally for a year or two. You'll both enjoy the change.

My DH was a stay at home dad for a year and he loved it! Here in Canada parents get a year of paid leave to share as they want. Couple typically fight over who gets to stay home

Good luck
^oh my - maybe we SHOULD all definitely move to Canada after this election!!! I'm having trouble replying to this because I'm nearly certain you're being sarcastic/joking in all the presumptions.... Why would either of us want DH to quit his job? How would that be "simple or obvious" (or even ethical?) and additionally what does "living frugally" have to do with any of this? Financials aren't really a factor.......but I do appreciate the sentiment that we might "both enjoy the change"



 
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Old Oct 18th, 2016, 06:18 AM   12
wookie130
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vermeil View Post
Hmm... you can have another child, he can stay at home with the baby and you start your company/career. Problem solved? seems simple an obvious to me. you can save up for it and live frugally for a year or two. You'll both enjoy the change.

My DH was a stay at home dad for a year and he loved it! Here in Canada parents get a year of paid leave to share as they want. Couple typically fight over who gets to stay home

Good luck

Not to mention that this doesn't address your concerns over more miscarriages, your feelings on experiencing another pregnancy, and how YOU'RE satisfied with just having your daughter... Yeah. Anyway, I am glad you found the other responses helpful, and hopefully with a lot more time, thought, and discussion, things will become clearer on both sides!



 
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Old Oct 18th, 2016, 13:10 PM   13
Bella1185
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Thank you, again wookie!!!! Truly appreciate your thoughtful and kind replies!!! made me feel not crazy and also very supported!!



 
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Old Oct 19th, 2016, 22:35 PM   14
vermeil
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bella1185 View Post
Thank you all so much!!!!!!! You've all given me such great support and encouragement!!! Apologies for the late and rather impersonal replies....I didn't "re-check" the thread so wasn't getting alerted to the new replies I've shared these suggestions and questions you've presented with DH - he is truly supportive, he doesn't feel it's a dealbreaker, but for me it's totally something to talk more about!!!



Quote:
Originally Posted by vermeil View Post
Hmm... you can have another child, he can stay at home with the baby and you start your company/career. Problem solved? seems simple an obvious to me. you can save up for it and live frugally for a year or two. You'll both enjoy the change.

My DH was a stay at home dad for a year and he loved it! Here in Canada parents get a year of paid leave to share as they want. Couple typically fight over who gets to stay home

Good luck
^oh my - maybe we SHOULD all definitely move to Canada after this election!!! I'm having trouble replying to this because I'm nearly certain you're being sarcastic/joking in all the presumptions.... Why would either of us want DH to quit his job? How would that be "simple or obvious" (or even ethical?) and additionally what does "living frugally" have to do with any of this? Financials aren't really a factor.......but I do appreciate the sentiment that we might "both enjoy the change"
Hello again! err no, no sarcasm or joking at all, yikes I guess I didnt explain it well Obviously I wasn't addressing your fear of another miscarriage, or pregnancy, or simply wanting only one child, all serious reasons to hesitate having another baby, and things to ponder on and discuss with your husband. I had a miscarriage myself and remember vividly the pit of despair I lived in after. My first pregnancy also had serious complications so for the second I was stressed every minute over it. So I understand those. But other ladies addressed those important points before me and as you said, gave you great advice so I didn't feel I needed to add more on those.

When I read though that you're ready for a change, and hesitating at staying at home again, the idea I expressed was the first thing that came to mind, and I was honestly surprised no one had brought it up already. So yes it was an obvious alternative to me and I was eager to propose it, with the best of intentions

You say your husband in is in the medical field, would it not be easy for him to return after a sabbatical year off? Since he is a family man, and loves spending time with your daughter, wouldn't he enjoy a year at home, watching his children grow? As a change of pace from his career? This all seems normal and achievable to me. If you saved up 6 months of income, and watched your expenses, you could make it stretch up to a year and allow you to follow your dream of starting your own company. Wouldn't that be a nice change for both of you? I'm not saying your husband doesnt love his job or is irresponsible.

Its hard to convey how normal/natural that is here. I have friends who did just that. At the birth of their second child, the husband took a year off to be at home with the children. This freed up a few hours every day, for his wife to finally chase her dream of creating a startup. And they enjoyed a year at home, as a family. They cherished that year and still describe it as a highlight of their lives. And 3 years later her company is thriving and she can run it with only a few hours a day, spending the rest with her (now 3) children. Her husband is back at work, at the same job etc. Of course they saved up beforehand, and lived simply but they made it work.

That`s just one example, I have other friends who did similar projects, in varying arrangements. Its common here as I said. Others prefer that a parent stay home full-time until the kids are in school and that`s ok too

Hope that's more clear

Oh - more perks for living in Canada (and/or here in Quebec):

-free healthcare
-almost free higher education
-high quality public daycare for 8$/day
-a year of paid parental leave, shared between the two parents as they want
-generous family allocations
-free IVF (how my daughter was conceived)
-good public schools

we've been voted most family friendly place on earth a few times over Come on up here, regardless who wins in november!



 
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Old Oct 19th, 2016, 23:04 PM   15
vermeil
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Originally Posted by Bella1185 View Post
Thank you, again wookie!!!! Truly appreciate your thoughtful and kind replies!!! made me feel not crazy and also very supported!!
As other said there is never a right or wrong answer to these questions, its what works for your family that matters. I also have friends who are very happy with one child. Hope you find peace in your inner search



 
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Old Oct 23rd, 2016, 18:53 PM   16
Starlight32
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My husband also wants another. I recently posted about feeling guilty for not wanting another baby . Our daughter is 4.5 months. I've only ever wanted one and my husband never made much comment, but now he thinks she should have a sibling. My husband helps out around the house but I do mostly everything it our daughter. We both love her, it's just the way it works out because of his work. The guilt of not giving her a sibling does weigh on me but I really think our family is best with one, stress wise and financially.



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