Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Jan 18th, 2017, 06:41 AM   11
redneckhippy
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 425
This is something I've been struggling with as well. My son is almost 2 but because I'm on medical school we couldn't realistically try for another year and a half when I graduate. My son will be 3.5 then. I'm an only child so I don't have any experience with having a sibling and my husband has two sisters but he's not especially close with them. We both are happy with our family. Our main issue is that we did Ivf and still have frozen embryos. Personally I don't want another child but I feel like maybe we should have one. I know people say you love them all the same, but I just honestly can't see how I could love another baby as much as my DS. We tried so long to have him, then I had a threatened miscarriage while I was pregnant, then we almost lost him during his delivery and he had to be resuscitated. I was just so happy to have him that it never bothered me waking up at night or changing him or anything. Plus he's the perfect baby. He started sleeping through the night at 8 weeks, always happy, never cried much, great eater, etc. I feel like no other child could live up to my love for him. And also even if I would feel differently after having the baby, I don't WANT to love someone else as much as him, I want to give him everything we can and have the money for school choices and vacation.

I wish I could feel differently because everyone else seems to so easily balance having more than one child.



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 18th, 2017, 08:23 AM   12
msbene
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 104
I'm 36 carrying my second child. My first will be 5 yrs 8 months when the baby is born. I've been very satisfied with my son which is why I never pushed having a second. But once he clocked 4, he REALLY started expressing his loneliness and desire for a sibling. I gave him some time to see if it would just pass but his desire has only grown stronger. Hence my current pregnancy.

Its a tough decision and from what I've read, it seems your current kids are maybe too young to "weigh in" on the decision? I wouldnt have gone for #2 if my son didnt want a sibling so much.



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 18th, 2017, 13:42 PM   13
mitchnorm
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Bagshot UK
Posts: 4,422
Redneckhippy... could have written this!!! Our daughter is perfect and slept through from 9 weeks and overall has been a great baby.....and toddler .obviously tantrums and has her moments. I sometimes feel that I am simply yearning for the baby years with her rather than a new baby iykwim...but I can't turn back time and surely we wouldn't be that lucky again. Must be confusing with embryos there...a friend of mine has a 4 year old through IVF and made the decision to not use the other embryos 2 years ago....she said that she just knew that the whole trekking to hospital....scans...treatment etc would affect her time with her current boy. Easier to do when you don't have dependantsxxxx

Msdene.....my daughter turns 5 in March and has never expressed an interest in a sibling even though she is so lovely with other people's baby's and little ones....she's never mentioned. I tentatively brought it up in conversation with her the other day and she said no she didn't want a brother or sister as they would mess up her toys and she'd have to tidy up ha ha ha. So yes not bothered but I wonder if she would bexpect more later in life??!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 18th, 2017, 14:04 PM   14
krissie328
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Idaho
Posts: 7,701
My son is 2.5 so doesn't have a concept of a sibling. He has a cousin and a friend at his sitters. And he seems like he's very content at home playing by himself or when he needs someone he gets his dad or myself.

After talking with my dh more we plan to ttc one more year. Probably through Feb 2018 before we decide to stop. I'm really on the fence so I feel like what ever happens I'm happy with that.



 
Status: Online
 
Old Jan 29th, 2017, 21:54 PM   15
madtowngirl
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: US
Posts: 839
I know I'm replying late, but thank you so much for this thread! We had two miscarriages and infertility issues before my daughter. We decided to start trying again and I got pregnant quickly - and then miscarried again. I had always pictured myself with 2 kids, but now...I'm not so sure. I wanted to be done having kids by age 35 (which will be later this year), too. DH is on the fence. I mean, I'm okay with waiting until I'm a little older for #2, but it's not what I pictured. We know for sure we don't want to try "naturally" anymore....if we decide to do it, it will be through the fertility clinic.

I just don't know if I have it in me to keep trying. And DD seems very content to play by herself and with her playmates now. I just don't know.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 30th, 2017, 14:55 PM   16
mitchnorm
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Bagshot UK
Posts: 4,422
Madtowngirl....so sorry for your losses x x x

5 miscarriages here...after a short ttc and successful pregnancy with daughter at 38. Now 3 years on from starting to ttc number 2 and approaching 44 I have serious decisions to make. However since I first posted this thread...Myself and hubby have decided to stop trying. I have to say 'stop trying' instead of giving up....it feels like I am...initially I thought those 5 babies were in vain if I didn't go on to have my rainbow baby but I know that's silly of me. I am coming to terms with it....I can invest more time in my daughter....nice holidays.....and maybe a career change to something more fulfilling.

I am getting there. It's a tough decision but only one you can make xxxxx thinking of you



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 15th, 2017, 12:14 PM   17
krissie328
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Idaho
Posts: 7,701
How is everyone doing? DH and I have talked and talked and I think we are both really content with one. We are talking either me getting an IUD or him get a vasectomy in the fall. We likely won't prevent, but tbh I doubt it will happen. I think we make good parents to one and I don't feel like I can say the same if we had two.

It is such a hard decision. I don't feel like there is a right or wrong answer which makes it all the more difficult.



 
Status: Online
 
Old Feb 16th, 2017, 10:23 AM   18
madtowngirl
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: US
Posts: 839
Hi krissie! We're okay, but we haven't made any progress on deciding whether we're done or not. I spent some time with two 6 month olds this week, and I can honestly say I didn't have those intense "I need a baby" feelings afterward. Maybe that means I'm done? I'm not sure.

I'm actually undergoing therapy because I feel like I'm just drowning in my own thoughts, so I hope it will help me figure out how to make a decision.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Feb 16th, 2017, 13:03 PM   19
krissie328
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Idaho
Posts: 7,701
I did therapy from November-Jan and it really helped me process having a second baby or not. While I'm not completely sure, I know either way will be okay.



 
Status: Online
 
Old Feb 16th, 2017, 13:56 PM   20
mitchnorm
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Bagshot UK
Posts: 4,422
Hi....I think if you 'happy' with the idea of going with the flow and not trying but not preventing and see what happens than that's great. For me it just wouldn't work as I know my cycle inside out ....ovulation pains yesterday made me think about ttc but no we have decided. I can't face another mc I've decided so there is always the risk of getting pregnant and losing again. I am 44 in May and with daughter turning 5 next month the age gap is just not right for us......we are so lucky with one so we are sticking. I would have liked proper closure and considering sterilisation or vasectomy to get that....a bit drastic I know but it especially the decision out of my hands. Extreme maybe.

It's a very personal decision. My friend has a nearly 3 year old by ivf and is just about to start trying for another...has 3 frozen embryos but after that that's it for them....I'm very jealous in the sense that that is true closure.



 
Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
child

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



SEO by vBSEO