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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 09:04 AM   1
mitchnorm
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Is one child enough?


I know there are similar threads in here but here we go.....

I had my daughter when I was 38....fell pregnant quickly, no.complications.
Decided when she was 2 to try again....fast forward 2.5 years and I have had 5 miscarriages....on being a molar pregnancy. I am now 43 (44 in may). I have had seem tests done...know my AMH is low but others pretty normal and my rate for getting pregnant is better than IVF for my age but I am miscarrying sometimes 6-7 weeks and 2 at 9 weeka. It was all so easy first time. I am presuming my eggs are just aged

Since last loss 2 weeks ago I am questioning if I want to ttc....because
Age gap would be 5.5 years (or more)
I would be about 60 when it is 16 ish
We are getting our life back...nappies long gone, nursery fees over, school started....
We have lovely holidays and can afford everything she needs
I hate my job and would like to retrain and start my own business

How do you know if ones enough? I just want someone to make the decision for me because if I decide to.stop trying it's like admitting failure (and I hate that)

Xxx



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 09:32 AM   2
krissie328
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Oh my goodness, I was coming in here to make a similar post.

I'm still young (31 in March) but after 2 losses and years of infertility (8 years ttc ds and over 2 years for a second one). I'm just tired and unsure this is what's right for us.

Like you our lives are finally getting back to being fun and so much easier. I can only imagine it getting better. I have easy childcare if we want to do something without ds.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 09:33 AM   3
krissie328
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Oh, and I feel the same way about stopping. I feel like I'm selfish (well it kinda is part of it) but also like a failure. So many expectations to have another by society and family.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 10:09 AM   4
mitchnorm
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Yes!!!!! Tbh no one has really ever asked me about having a second...especially now with my daughter the age she is (big gap) and my age at 43...I think everyone presumes I am done. Hardly anyone knows about our losses and struggles. I could easily give up but I'm not a quitter....which I know is a silly way to look at it really. I'm not a failure but I cannot help.feeling beaten. After easily falling pregnant successfully with daughter why why why? And no answers. I don't want another lost baby...I. am so 50/50 it's unbelievable



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 10:10 AM   5
mitchnorm
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I am guessing being only 2 years post your first and your relatively young age....people are asking and presuming?? It's tough.....

It feels weird to say no.....I'm done. I want someone to make that decision for me



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 11:43 AM   6
krissie328
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Yes, we get asked all the time. We also live in a very LDS community where people easily have 3-5 kids by our age.

Our son was relatively easy once we figured out I wasn't ovulating. He was the result of our first round of clomid. But this time even with ovulating 9 out of 12 months last year it still hasn't happened.

I am also one not to quit so I think part of me is feeling like we need to do this. Dh did mention though he was okay stopping at one. So now I feel even more like it is my decision what to do.



 
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Old Jan 12th, 2017, 13:36 PM   7
mitchnorm
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I sort of wish DH would say no more but he's sitting on the fence. I think he'd be fine with stopping after what he has seen me go through but won't commit whilst I am undecided



 
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Old Jan 16th, 2017, 13:47 PM   8
JessyG
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I feel like a bit of a freud stepping into your thread as i havent suffeted infertility like you both have but i have similar feelings about whether or not one is enough. We have never really opening tried for a 2nd so i dont know how easily it would happen. I feel so happy with my life right now in terms of feeling like myself again, love doing things only for my daughter having one to one time regularly. I feel people think i am selfish and to an extent i am but it took 2.5 years for me to get a childfree day (and even that was to decorate the house!) I am enjoying our time together so much and cant imagine going back to the baby bit again. My daughter is so close to her cousins who are 9 and 6 and only live 3 mins drive away. She is incredibly sociable and seems happy and content in fact i think shed love a baby or a dog! But i am more inclined to go for the dog. Am i dreadful. I keep repeating to myself 'i need to love the life i want aswell' i am studying to be a bookkeeper and my partner is switching jobs right now so evne if we did do it it would be closer to the end of the year but everytime it comes to it i back out. I know once he or she was here id love it and my life would just be different but something is definitely holding me back.



 
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Old Jan 16th, 2017, 15:31 PM   9
mitchnorm
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Jessy.....don't feel selfish at all...you have a lovely life and can spend quality time with your daughter and there are definately positives for getting some of your life back. I would likely feel exactly the same as you had I not lost 5 babies....I feel like I need to beat this and not fail and have another baby...but I am starting to doubt my reasons. Our daughter is 5 in March....the age gap coupled with my age should be enough to encourage me to quit surely.

I continue to sit on the fence......



 
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Old Jan 16th, 2017, 15:34 PM   10
krissie328
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Jessy- I would agree, don't feel selfish. Those are many of the same reasons I'm struggling. I've talked with dh a lot over the last few days and thought about my own reasons.

I think we'll likely try through the end of the year and if we're not successful then plan on just ds. I feel like 3 years trying and giving it our all will be long enough.



 
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