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Old Mar 21st, 2017, 09:19 AM   1
BlueChameleon
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How did you 'know'?


..that you were done?

We have 2 beautiful girls, with a 2 and half year age gap. Our youngest has just turned 2. DH would be happy to stop at them and have no more, but I don't know how I feel.

Some days I want nothing more than another. I imagine us having a 3rd. We have enough space in our house and we wouldn't need a new car. But then it comes to things like holidays, activities, clothes, food etc etc. I'm very lucky to be a SAHM so we do rely on my DH's sole income. We manage fine but I worry of we were to have one more we would maybe struggle.

People I have spoken to have said just have one more, and DH is on board (but says this would absolutely be the last one ) I don't think you'd ever regret another child. But I worry.

Those who are done, do you 'feel' done or does practicality/finances play a major part in it?

Thanks



 
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Old Mar 22nd, 2017, 13:51 PM   2
R_x
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I'm wondering the same at the moment and it's starting to really upset me as I worry I will live to regret not having one more. I worry about money and how I would go back to work. There will be a 6+ year age gap for us, so I feel like it would need to be soon if we were to have another. We would need a bigger car and
a bigger house but they are things I would like even if we didn't have another.
hubby is more for not having another.
I'm trying to think if it's meant to be it'll be



 
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Old Mar 23rd, 2017, 14:13 PM   3
twinklestar25
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I've delt with this on and off for about 4yrs! Always said when youngest starts nursery school if we were going to have another it would be then. Well now is that time, like you some days I've wanted nothing more, I've been in tears over the thought of not having another (must of been hormones!) however I think I like the sound of it (the nice bits) more than the likely reality. My partner has always been no more, however has now said he will be ok for another if it's what I want. It seems each time we get close to going for it I back out. I worry about all the hard things of three and of having a baby/toddler etc full stop. I've come to realise I want to stick with our 2 boys, I like our life, I like having time for me and holidays, I don't want to go back to sleepless nights and I'd feel hugely guilty not been able to do family activities due to a baby. We're just approaching a really fun stage at almost 7&4, time for trips to the cinema, ice skating, bowling etc etc we wouldn't be able to do these things with a baby, or one parent would have to sit out which dosnt seem as much fun. I'd feel as though I'd be holding them back and stuck in the baby years for another 3 years, when we're all moving on together. Plus my career is good right now, I was the only one who really wanted another baby, maybe a little selfishly, yes I would of liked to of got to experience having a daughter but I'm ok with it. I think I get on better with boys anyway, teenage girls are abit scary! (But guess if your in that postition you just deal with it like everything else) I feel at ease with my boys, I know what I'm doing and they are also good friends, play together, can go to a theme park to suit them both, share clothes, play computer Games together. It's great and getting even better. I love my kids more than life itself and we have lots of fun, but kids are hard work! And expensive! You have a choice do you want to deal with it all again? And all the additional things 3 brings?

I no longer feel the need to do it all again, I used too, in the early months after having my 2nd for a while, but I just think I'm past that now, we've come too far to go back, wouldn't feel right going to the baby groups again, I've been there done that, it's time to move to the next stage that we haven't yet experienced as mentioned above. I also often feel relief whilst sympathising! when I see people struggling with a 2yr old etc that I don't have that anymore, although our 3yr old can still have his moments!
And relief when I want to book a weekend away or holiday, I think now I'm glad we only have 2 as it's so much more for a family of 5, same goes for clothes shopping for them, could go on! Plus the thought of 3 terrifies me, we can handle 2 well, think 3 for us would be stressful. I like that one of us can take them both, my partner is bathing them and putting them to bed right now, and not been overwhelmed or too stressed out, the other gets a break. I can't see that with 3, I don't want to be resentful when I'm 'stuck' with a baby and the others are off out having fun etc yes having a little baby is fun for a while, but not so much if they've not slept all night or have colic, constipation or whatever. I can just imagine that's how it would go, me and the baby and the boys with their dad... I'd rarther be having fun with them :-)

So my current family, along with practical and financial/lifestyle reasons I've decided to not add anymore children to our family. And I actually feel good about it, feel like I can move on, concentrate on the family I have. Yes I'll wonder what it may of been like and get the odd pang that's natural but I can't imagine going through the hard stuff again and altering our family, for us I know it's the right decision. I just need to decide on some contraception now!

So I guess it comes down to what you want, what sort of lifestyle do you want for you and your family, are you sure it's not just hormones. Think you really have to honestly think about it, I worked out potential costs and priced up holidays for 3 and everything before deciding, we could actually afford it, even with the 5* abroad holidays (Saying that if we ended up moving to a bigger house things may be different then with a bigger mortgage and household bills and if anuthing happend with work) do you honestly think you could manage physically, emotionally and financially, do you have family support (we don't have much and have to rely on expensive nursery) that factored in for us. Good luck, it was a long head battering rd for me to reach a decision!



 
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Old Mar 26th, 2017, 16:39 PM   4
minties
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We are done mainly because of finances - I think if we were very well off, OH would probably agree to another in a few years. We are also getting older though, we turn 35 this year. I'm now at that age where I am old enough to be the mum to a few of the adults I work with!

I would go for number 3 if you want to and OH wants to. Love our third! So much fun having a baby again.



 
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Old Mar 30th, 2017, 03:33 AM   5
Wobbles
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I'm done for lots of factors although silently I think another one would be nice it's my final decision.

One of my reasons is the girls - quality time with them, the age they are/would be and my natural restrictions - they are at a nice age now together (14 months apart) and throwing another LO in I know would throw all our lives, disposable finances for anything from clothes, school uniforms, school trips, family days out etc

The thought of all the baby things, lugging prams etc etc puts me right off

Space

How old I would be when the youngest is x age etc

And selfishly because when my older 2 leave school I don't want to still be doing the school run in my late 40's & early 50's



 
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Old Apr 11th, 2017, 08:21 AM   6
Angelbaby_01
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Sleeeeeeepppp............... I get sleep now.......... No more boobies hanging out at night, I can actually close my bathroom door for a poop. I can do my nails and hair. Buy myself some much needed clothes and toss those breastfeeding bra's. I am finally starting to loose weight.

And lastly........my girls are best friends. I dont want to rock their world unless they are older and want to play "doll" with me. I am at the stage where I love the conversations we have. My 2 year old are doing such cute little things and she depends on me a lot at the moment atill which is understandable. I feel I will break her heart if I get another (right now anyway). Her sister on the otherhand needed a friend I dont regret my second baby one bit.



 
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Old Apr 11th, 2017, 15:30 PM   7
MAMA MOON
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It just happened with time for me. As I started to feel as if I had more independence and had to "cater to" less, thinking about going back to it & what I would lose became less & less desirable.



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 04:00 AM   8
Cariad_x
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This will be my last and I'm happy with that. We'll have one of each and a nice age gap. When our daughter starts school my OH and I will have spare time and be young enough still to enjoy it. Plus we'll be able to go on holidays without worrying about a baby (we took Ollie to Legoland last year before trying and it was easier that when we have our daughter I'd imagine!)

The biggest part for me, though, is that this pregnancy has been difficult. I've been shattered, my BP is erratic and my pelvis has become misaligned on several occasions. I'm taking that as a sign that my body is done and I'm ok with that.



 
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Old Today, 15:57 PM   9
Tanikins
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I ummed and arrrrwd about a 3rd for about 3 years, before wed even had a 2nd

Once the baby got to 6months something seemed to click and I just felt content / whole / done. Sorta ready to close that chapter and move forward



 
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Old Today, 16:42 PM   10
catty
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So after i had my 2nd i was 100% done (11 month age gap with multiple night wakenings) but then my daughter turned 1 and i got all broody again. I told myself it was silly wed just gotten through all the baby times but it just kept coming back to me being broody and no.3 was born when mh daughter tuned 2.5

There is a good chance that will happen to me again because i am a very broody person and i love and adore newborns sooo much HOWEVER this time we are done. Everytime i remember looking after the kids when i was pregnant and unwell with very little help i rememeber, everytime i get so much as a hint of a cold i remember how difficult it is looking after kids whilst being pregnant, looking after kids whilst being tired and worn out etc.

I think if you think of all the negatives and you still dont feel done then maybe your not done?



 
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