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Old Apr 10th, 2017, 16:42 PM   1
Cloudy7
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Think im done but not sure


So the other day oh agreed that in a couple of years we'd start trying again after a few months of me saying id like another. Well the day he agreed i was overjoyed but now ive kind of got cold feet about it all, we have a 6yr old and a 3yr old. We're no where near financially ready for one anytime soon so the 2yr wait is a must but i worry that by then our 2 will be at an age where life will finally be a breeze.

I think most of my longing for another comes from the fact that im only 25 i cant imagine never doing it all again i feel like im still far too young to stop but i know its logical to stop at 2. Im kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place, i know if we went on to have another id have to battle with my guilt on the other 2 for the first couple of years, spend say the first year struggling to have the energy for all 3 what with the early morning school runs, sleepless nights etc. But then i also worry that if i never have another I might be living the rest of my life feeling somewhat incomplete.

We've agreed that we will come back to it at the beginning of next year so i guess i have plenty of time to think about it. Sorry ive rambled on a bit! Anyone else in similar situation? Or been in a similar situation and can share their story?



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Old Apr 18th, 2017, 06:07 AM   2
jessicasmum
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Following this post because I too feel unsure if I'm done or not. The goal posts have kept moving for us as we had our 1st in 2005 and I had experienced traumatic birth and then it played a massive part on my mental health so for years we were back and forth over if we would have a 2nd. Eventually in 2014 we had our 2nd which was a massive 9 year gap. So we wanted to have a 3rd closer in age and we did 4 months ago with an exact 27 month gap between them. I originally before having my 1st only wanted 2 kids but that changed to 3 and now out of the blue when I thought we were totally done I'm crazily back and forth over having a 4th! I'm really not sure if having another is right for us but it's not something we need to decide straight away.



 
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Old May 2nd, 2017, 16:40 PM   3
LoveCakes
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I'm unsure either. It took us a few years to have my LG so we started sooner than we probably would have otherwise and ended up with a 23 month age gap. It's been a great gap but if we had another I'd want longer, ideally three years.

My main reason as wanting to get my career going again (I took a year off with dd then was pregnant 3 months after I went back) and being scared how I'd cope with 3. My hubby works away at least one week a month and though I have good family support it can be hard enough with 2. Also same as you if we waited till my two are 5 and 3 we'd be past the nappies, sleepless nights stage only to start all over again.

I guess how I feel is that I'm pretty sure I'm fine but if someone said no you can't I'd be devastated.



 
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Old May 6th, 2017, 21:32 PM   4
Smille24
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I'm unsure as well.

It took us 2.5 yrs to get pregnant with my 2nd and ended up needing assistance. After she was born we decided to ntnp in hopes to get pregnant unexpectedly. I wanted a 18-24 month age gap if possible. I've recently had a change of heart. I love my girls. However, my dh works A LOT sometimes it's like he doesn't exist. I feel overwhelmed with raising 2 kids and trying to juggle school events and sports alone. We've had a discussion recently and I told him how I feel and that I'm probably done having kids. He thinks it's a phase and says he wants another. Maybe it's the exhaustion talking, but I'm sort of content with not adding to our family.



 
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Old Jun 11th, 2017, 13:58 PM   5
Cloudy7
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Sorry for the late reply ladies i havent been online in almost 2 months.

Im constantly back and forward on what i want. But atm im all for another one. I need to get back to work first though, i lost my job a few hours before i found out i was pregnant with our first 6 years ago and never worked since. Life was comfortable with just oh wage and i got to raise the children so it was a no brainer really but if we want #3 i really need to be working we couldnt possibly stretch without really struggling. But then 3 children and a full time job (plus oh working permanent nights) sounds awful haha. I absolutely know logically stopping at 2 is a good idea but whats the fun in that



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Old Jul 2nd, 2017, 05:22 AM   6
jessicasmum
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Cloudy7: I thought that was funny when you said that about stopping at 2 but where's the fun in that, I just thought my thoughts exactly of me stopping with 3



 
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Old Jul 2nd, 2017, 05:49 AM   7
WackyMumof2
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My magical number was always 3 with 4 being a possibility.

We had DS1 and DS2 and by the time DS2 was 3-4 months old, we KNEW he had ADHD. He was just so different. We started seeking a formal diagnosis at 2 and kept getting told 'he's being a normal kid'. It didn't matter that we lived with him but we clearly 'didn't know what we were talking about'. So we gave up on ever having a #3 because he was so full on. 5.5 he was FINALLY diagnosed at the severe end of the spectrum and it's been no walk in the park for any of us but medication helps.

I was working long, late hours sometimes up to 14 days or double shifts in a row over Christmas and New Years that I must have not been on the ball 100% with my BC that I fell pregnant. We don't know if I'd missed some or I'd been that run down it just became non-effective. It took me a LONG time to come to terms with it because I just didn't want to deal with a new baby when no one actually bothering about our needs and our ADHD'ers meds. But we got that pushed though after a formal medical complaint, had his meds increased and while he's still full on, he manageable. And strangely enough, I don't know if it's part and parcel of him getting older or if it's that he feels the need to protect his baby brother, that he's actually calmed down a lot when I think about it. With that in mind, we have proceeded with #4. Hubby is a full-time Dad while I work part-time and study full-time. We know money is going to be tight but we also know we can do it. And it's only a small sacrifice. I get to finish my papers and enjoy a career after having my family rather than taking time out to have a baby while DS3 will have a brother or sister close in age to grow up with. It's not what everyone would take a chance on but I wanted my forth pregnancy over and done with this year. It's going to be hard (I will have 17 months between DS3 and #4) but we made it work with an very unexpected third baby I am pretty sure we can manage with a planned forth.



 
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Old Jul 2nd, 2017, 09:38 AM   8
jessicasmum
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Wackymumof2: I'm in a similar situation with my 2nd child, she doesn't have ADHD but has autism, she's not had the full diagnosis yet but she's at the start and after just 1 paediatrician appointment she said she thinks it is autism, we will get the proper diagnosis by the time the year is out. We had #3 before we knew there was something proper wrong with #2, we just made excuses really that she'd catch up but i think i knew before she was 18 months that there was something.
We had a big age gap between #1 and #2 so wanted our #3 to have a closer age gap so they could play and grow up together close. With autism though our #2 doesn't really noticed #3 and she's off in her own world, it's upsetting because even at age just 6 months #3 loves the attention and always gets excited to see and be near both our other children. So with that in mind we would love #3 to have a little brother or sister to play with but obviously we don't know of the risk of either #3 having autism or our future #4 also.



 
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Old Jul 3rd, 2017, 08:30 AM   9
WackyMumof2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicasmum View Post
Wackymumof2: I'm in a similar situation with my 2nd child, she doesn't have ADHD but has autism, she's not had the full diagnosis yet but she's at the start and after just 1 paediatrician appointment she said she thinks it is autism, we will get the proper diagnosis by the time the year is out. We had #3 before we knew there was something proper wrong with #2, we just made excuses really that she'd catch up but i think i knew before she was 18 months that there was something.
We had a big age gap between #1 and #2 so wanted our #3 to have a closer age gap so they could play and grow up together close. With autism though our #2 doesn't really noticed #3 and she's off in her own world, it's upsetting because even at age just 6 months #3 loves the attention and always gets excited to see and be near both our other children. So with that in mind we would love #3 to have a little brother or sister to play with but obviously we don't know of the risk of either #3 having autism or our future #4 also.
The hardest part is when you know there is something going on but you just want to be listened to and taken seriously. Sounds like you are going to have that so awesome news!! I just wish it hadn't taken so long with DS2 for us. How hubby and I didn't split I don't know. But he understands him (he has ADHD as well) so he tries to help me understand. He really is my rock.

We knew that ADHD was a very real possibility when we found out I was pregnant the first time. A lot of hubby's family have it and I think my brother does but was never formally diagnosed as it was not something that many doctors liked to do in the 90's. Give your #2 time. They will take notice of #3 and you may get that unbreakable and protective bond. DS2 is so protective of DS3 and I think that's helped with managing his ADHD because he doesn't want to hurt him. And your #4 will just slot right on in when you get around to it too.



 
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Old Jul 4th, 2017, 07:13 AM   10
jessicasmum
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Wackymumof2: Yeah it is great that we are getting the help early as i know so many people that don't and have a big long battle, I just think it must seem more apparent with my daughter.

That's great how close and supportive your hubby has been My hubby is too as but like you know yourself through the bad patches I'm feeling how are we still together but we already been through a lot before DC2 and still together.

Sorry if I've misread but did you say you are pregnant now with DC4?
I think it's lovely that your DC2 is protective of of DC3

I think with autism most people think that they don't like to interact with others which at the moment is the case with our child with other children but likes to interact with me and hubby and the teachers at the playgroup a little so I see there is hope that she will in time maybe take interest with our other children, she doesnt make eye contact at times so and says a random word which she wont repeat but I live in hope of speach and more interactions.



 
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