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Old Apr 16th, 2017, 15:13 PM   1
babyv13
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the one and done appreciation thread


anyone else happy and content with an only child?

I have a 3 year old daughter, I'm no longer with her dad and have a new partner. for a while I really wanted to have a second child, but since october I have been pretty firmly 'one and done' and feel so confident with my decision! I realise now that I only wanted more than one because it was society's expectation of me?!

anyway, who else is one and done? what's your story?



 
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Old Apr 16th, 2017, 20:53 PM   2
krissie328
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How funny, I had been considering starting this tread.

We are currently on the fence but leaning towards one and done. Our reason is primarily due to infertility. But also we really like our lives the way it is right now.

But I mostly do feel that the reason I want a second is more socially motivated.



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 05:08 AM   3
babyv13
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Originally Posted by krissie328 View Post
How funny, I had been considering starting this tread.

We are currently on the fence but leaning towards one and done. Our reason is primarily due to infertility. But also we really like our lives the way it is right now.

But I mostly do feel that the reason I want a second is more socially motivated.
coincidence! I joined a facebook page for parents of only children and it has really helped me with having confidence with my decision, so I thought it would be nice to have a thread here!

I'm sorry you've been having a hard time TTC#2 that's actually an influencing factor in my decision too because my DD took 2 years to conceive. I'm with a new partner now and our sex life isn't easy at all anyway - I don't think I could add the stress of TTC, and I don't feel we would be very successful given the problems that we have in the bedroom and I worry about the pressure it would put on our relationship.

what do you mean by socially motivated?



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 08:27 AM   4
krissie328
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I mean that I feel pressured to have 2 children by society.

Yea, we took 8 years to get ds and we tried over 2 years for a second. Now we are kinda ntnp and are going to make a permanent decision around August. We are kinda like in the unlikely event it happens great, if not then let's move on and be happy as a family of 3.



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 10:22 AM   5
babyv13
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Originally Posted by krissie328 View Post
I mean that I feel pressured to have 2 children by society.

Yea, we took 8 years to get ds and we tried over 2 years for a second. Now we are kinda ntnp and are going to make a permanent decision around August. We are kinda like in the unlikely event it happens great, if not then let's move on and be happy as a family of 3.
that's exactly how I feel!

families of 3 rule



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 10:54 AM   6
krissie328
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Yea, to be honest we have a pretty great life right now. Things are pretty easy and money isn't so bad. I do worry about ds being lonely though. The only kid his age is his cousin and get lives a little bit away so it's difficult to always get together.

Dh keeps telling me he'll gain friends in school and he won't be lonely. Which logically I know that. But part of me wants that built in friend for ds. But at almost 4 years apart I don't think it will work out that way.



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 11:11 AM   7
babyv13
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Originally Posted by krissie328 View Post
Yea, to be honest we have a pretty great life right now. Things are pretty easy and money isn't so bad. I do worry about ds being lonely though. The only kid his age is his cousin and get lives a little bit away so it's difficult to always get together.

Dh keeps telling me he'll gain friends in school and he won't be lonely. Which logically I know that. But part of me wants that built in friend for ds. But at almost 4 years apart I don't think it will work out that way.
that is one of only two pros on the my pros and cons list - I worry about her being lonely without a sibling.

but we can't guarantee that they'll be friends like we imagine they will. my OH isn't close at all with either of his two brothers despite there only being 2 years between the three!



 
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Old Apr 17th, 2017, 11:32 AM   8
krissie328
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Exactly! I actually looked at all our parents relationships with siblings and one of four talks to theirs. And then dh rarely talks with his brother that's 3 years younger. I do have a relationship with my sister but that didn't happen until our boys were born 3.5 months apart.

So yea, it's a terrible reason to bring another baby into the picture. And truthfully my only pro.



 
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Old Apr 23rd, 2017, 14:41 PM   9
mitchnorm
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Love this post and exactly what I need to read. I have a 5 year old little girl but have been ttc for thexample last 3 years suffering 5 mc's at varying stages...tests, scans, private fertility appts, reflexology, acupuncture and emotionally and physically at xmas after lost number 5 I have accepted I am done!!!!

I hindsight I think I wanted another as it was 'expected' (though perhaps not at my age...now 43)....and to give her a sibling. But she is happy...we are happy.....I also think I wrongly wanted another as I hate my job and wanted a year offor. I know I know stupidest reason ever. ...so instead we have stopped ttc.....booked a lovely holiday....I am retraining for a new career.

Babyv13 really interested in the Facebook group. I would love to join a good one....as I still feel sad alot for the time and have a wobble...I think I need to surround myself with mums of one ha ha

Xxxxx



 
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Old Apr 23rd, 2017, 15:39 PM   10
babyv13
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one of only two pros for me krissie! the other one being that i LOVED pregnancy and i honestly bloomed almost all the way through i know that wouldn't be the case though with another child!

mitchnorm - i'm so sorry for your struggle and your losses i struggled with 2 years ttc and no losses, so i can only imagine how hard that has all been! so glad this so far short thread has made you feel good and that you're taking positive steps for the future with a lovely holiday and new career

i genuinely think the more you surround yourself with OAD the better you'll feel, obviously my circumstances aren't tinged with the same sadness and loss as yours but i have only felt more and more confident from speaking to other people who are OAD, hence why i started this thread!

the fb group is called 'parents of only children by choice'



 
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