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Old Sep 13th, 2017, 19:26 PM   1
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I need some perspective

I need to get this out and I wasn't sure where to post so apologise if this section isn't right.

I have 3 beautiful children but I've had many bumps along the way. After I had my first I had many MC before my second came along 5 yrs later- Dd2. However, pregnancy was scary but the worst was she was born with a undetected heart detect. Had a emergency csear. Nearly lost her, had surgeries and had to handle things very differently. Initially I thought I couldn't have any more babies as Dd2 required different parenting but she grew up stronger and very independent so I was ready for another. I longed for a 'normal' birth and 'normal' time with baby. I had my son just before Dd2 turned 2yrs. I was happy to be able to just take him home with me. However, issues crept up and I'm in a bad state. I'm torn. He has gdd, hypotonia and is behind with gross motor massively. I'm back to seeing so many doctors, hospital, appointments. I'm so sad this is happening and everything from Dd2 is also creeping up in my thoughts.

I wanted a fourth but just can't see it happening now. I'm so worried about my babies. What if something goes wrong the next time? My son needs me all the time. Yet when I come across news that someone has had a new baby, my heart yearns to get that time which I didnt have. To meet someone new. To love another and do things 'normal'. But I know this would be selfish to my children. I'm already under so much stress about their health.

My head knows what to do but my heart wants more.

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Old Sep 16th, 2017, 13:29 PM   2
Mum (Mom)
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Sorry to hear of your children's health problems �� I can only imagine how hard that must be. I think it's natural to want more children especially when you feel you have missed out or not had the full experience or it not been how you had imagined even. Could you maybe wait a while and then decide? Maybe the feeling will pass or maybe you will find you have a good handle on things and feel able to welcome a new baby in another year or 2. It's never easy ((hugs)) x

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Old Oct 12th, 2017, 11:08 AM   3
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I have a confession... I sometimes read posts without totally belonging in them to see if people are experiencing similar things as myself to join. I read your post and felt like I had to respond even though I'm not sure you will ever see it.
I'm gonna be blunt so I apologize if this hits you wrong as it's not my intention.... I think you sound ambivelant about having another that you know it's not the right choice but would do it to experience normality. It's totally normal to go through a phase where you grieve a life you didn't get to have..a normality that is just outside your reach. It's okay to want that and to feel jealous of people who have it but I think you wouldn't ever experience normal as the health problems of your two would put a new baby in upheaval and maybe it would eventually feel like a caretaker and like they had to do or be certain things cause they are normal and not struggling. I also think you could risk playing favorites with the normal one and your others may end up resenting you and them not to mention what you might feel about the new baby if God forbid they also have health problems.
I wish there were an easy answer but only you know what's really right for your family. It's so hard though to be in your situation. I'm so sorry

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Old Oct 17th, 2017, 13:59 PM   4
Mum (Mom)
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I feel i can relate to you but have taken on board what previous poster has put too.

I had my first and had a traumatic birth and i ended up having a terrible mental health leading me to be sectioned and it still to this day has changed me for the worse. Years went by and i originally wanted 2 children but my horrible experience made me so back and forth but when my daughter was 9 years old we had another, i thought things were better no extreme mental health like after my first and then we decided we wanted to have a 3rd so my 2nd had a closer age gap so exactly 27 months after i had my 2nd i had our 3rd and all well again with mental health. But then my concerns with our 2nd become more obvious as we needed to have her 2 year check done and, she's behind in all areas not talking etc and we get referred to hearing test, speech and language therapists, paediatrician and as my fears were thinking she is now going down the assessment route for autism, she doesn't have an official diagnosis yet but everyone saying its very much looking like autism. So now this is where i can relate because I've not experienced "normal" , I've dreamed of having my kids be close with each other and play but this doesn't look like it's going to be the case. Me and hubby are thinking of having a 4th like yourself but I'm not so sure at the moment because what if there is is something again, we never might get our "normal", so at the moment for me i think i need to take a bit of time and see what happens to see what is right for us if we can have a 4th or not.

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Old Jun 21st, 2018, 02:57 AM   5
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Stay strong, girls

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Old Jun 25th, 2018, 13:57 PM   6
Mum (Mom)
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I understand the feeling of wanting normal, only from the birth point of view as I had a cs too. I want another and I know part of that is because I want to experience a "normal delivery". Wrong, I know but I can't help how I feel. I hope you work out your options and make the right choice for all your family. 😘

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