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Old Aug 18th, 2017, 11:02 AM   1
nerdyandnice
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Need support!


My mom has twice now told me that I'll need and want to breastfeed my baby when she's born. Both times I've told her that I will not be breastfeeding, and then she tries to shame me for not 'doing what's right'. The last time we talked about this I told her to feed my baby herself if it's so important to her LOL.

Don't get me wrong, I do understand the benefits of breastfeeding. I'm just not comfortable with it at all! My boobs have always been very sensitive and I know that I won't be able to handle the amount of feeding that my baby will need without being in pain and discomfort. I'd rather be able to enjoy feeding my baby and be comfortable.

I know that it's my own decision on how to feed my baby, but it's just frustrating how my mom isn't supporting me on my decision.

Has anyone else dealt with this?



 
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Old Aug 18th, 2017, 22:30 PM   2
Witchrose
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I didn't have to deal with what you are going through, but I will share my experience in case it makes you or anyone else feel better about their decision.

One, I simply had absolutely no desire to breastfeed. Zilch. Moving on to practical reasons: having my body back seemed practical to me as I knew I could be more well-rested so in a better mental/emotional/physical shape to care for my baby. And this turned out to be VERY true. While I was certainly tired the first year, it was not anywhere near the exhaustion that I read about breastfeeding mothers going through. And I never felt stressed, which certainly helped our bonding. I would just make up a bottle and then feed my son while cuddling him in my arms. No pain. No stress. Was lovely. Two: always knowing exactly how much my baby is eating. three: baby doesn't have to struggle to get its food. I wouldn't want to have to struggle to get my food! four: husband could also feed baby. We made the baby together. We take care of it together.

So I formula fed from the start. And guess what happened? We have a healthy, sweet-tempered, "normal" (for lack of a better word) two year old. Shocking, huh?

Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. Sure bf has benefits. So does ff. We are blessed to live in times when we have choices! So don't let anyone, not even your mom, stress you out about this. You just do your thing. (don't get angry or overly defensive. just show an air of calm confidence) In time, your mom (and anyone else) will quiet down.

Good luck!



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Old Aug 19th, 2017, 01:06 AM   3
LoraLoo
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I would just refuse to be drawn into a discussion with her about it, its really none if her business. I actually had the opposite problem with my Mum trying to encourage me to Ff. Seems we cant win no matter what we do sometimes!



 
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Old Aug 19th, 2017, 09:06 AM   4
noon_child
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To play devils advocate, perhaps she thinks there are benefits to not deciding either way till you're there in that situation actually having had the baby, and that by being so decided about FF will stop you being able to change your mind should you wish to. Some people have a very strong sudden desire to breastfeed once the hormones kick in, some do not (regardless of what previous decision was made).

That out of the way, it is your decision. No one (I hope) forced her to do something she didn't want to, and you should have the same freedom.



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Old Aug 23rd, 2017, 09:14 AM   5
krissie328
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Originally Posted by LoraLoo View Post
I would just refuse to be drawn into a discussion with her about it, its really none if her business. I actually had the opposite problem with my Mum trying to encourage me to Ff. Seems we cant win no matter what we do sometimes!
I feel like this is good advice.

My MIL started on how bf was so wonderful and brought her so close to her boys.. blah. blah. blah.

I actually did want to bf my son. I tried but I found out after 2 weeks that I did not have enough breast tissue (mammary glands) to do it. I was barely getting 1.5 oz out of both breasts at a time!! So for me ff is the only choice I had. On the rare occasion I was questioned, I simply stated that he is well fed and happy and that is all that matters. It is nobody's business how you feed your baby as long as they are getting fed.

Do what is best for you and baby. Don't worry about other people's opinions.



 
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Old Aug 23rd, 2017, 09:53 AM   6
becsboo
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totally your choice do whats best for you its not your mum that has to feed your baby



 
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Old Aug 23rd, 2017, 21:02 PM   7
nerdyandnice
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Thanks for all the advice everyone!

I'm going to try to not engage in conversation about this with my mom. She breastfed for all 3 of her kids (including me) for at least a month each time, so she definitely has her opinion on what I should/shouldn't do.

We already have quite a strained/awkward relationship and I want to make it better not worse! I definitely got defensive when we last spoke about it, and this is my first baby so I just wasn't sure how to handle it.



 
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Old Aug 26th, 2017, 05:56 AM   8
minties
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Originally Posted by Witchrose View Post
I didn't have to deal with what you are going through, but I will share my experience in case it makes you or anyone else feel better about their decision.

One, I simply had absolutely no desire to breastfeed. Zilch. Moving on to practical reasons: having my body back seemed practical to me as I knew I could be more well-rested so in a better mental/emotional/physical shape to care for my baby. And this turned out to be VERY true. While I was certainly tired the first year, it was not anywhere near the exhaustion that I read about breastfeeding mothers going through. And I never felt stressed, which certainly helped our bonding. I would just make up a bottle and then feed my son while cuddling him in my arms. No pain. No stress. Was lovely. Two: always knowing exactly how much my baby is eating. three: baby doesn't have to struggle to get its food. I wouldn't want to have to struggle to get my food! four: husband could also feed baby. We made the baby together. We take care of it together.

So I formula fed from the start. And guess what happened? We have a healthy, sweet-tempered, "normal" (for lack of a better word) two year old. Shocking, huh?

Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. Sure bf has benefits. So does ff. We are blessed to live in times when we have choices! So don't let anyone, not even your mom, stress you out about this. You just do your thing. (don't get angry or overly defensive. just show an air of calm confidence) In time, your mom (and anyone else) will quiet down.

Good luck!
While I can see you're trying to be supportive to the OP, breastfeeding doesn't make me feel that I have lost my body, make my baby fight for her food, hurt or stress me out in the least. It has always been very relaxing and settles my mind. My body is still my body! My body doesn't belong to my husband because we have sex, any more than it belongs to the baby because she breastfeeds.



 
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Old Aug 26th, 2017, 08:12 AM   9
Witchrose
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minties View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchrose View Post
I didn't have to deal with what you are going through, but I will share my experience in case it makes you or anyone else feel better about their decision.

One, I simply had absolutely no desire to breastfeed. Zilch. Moving on to practical reasons: having my body back seemed practical to me as I knew I could be more well-rested so in a better mental/emotional/physical shape to care for my baby. And this turned out to be VERY true. While I was certainly tired the first year, it was not anywhere near the exhaustion that I read about breastfeeding mothers going through. And I never felt stressed, which certainly helped our bonding. I would just make up a bottle and then feed my son while cuddling him in my arms. No pain. No stress. Was lovely. Two: always knowing exactly how much my baby is eating. three: baby doesn't have to struggle to get its food. I wouldn't want to have to struggle to get my food! four: husband could also feed baby. We made the baby together. We take care of it together.

So I formula fed from the start. And guess what happened? We have a healthy, sweet-tempered, "normal" (for lack of a better word) two year old. Shocking, huh?

Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do. Sure bf has benefits. So does ff. We are blessed to live in times when we have choices! So don't let anyone, not even your mom, stress you out about this. You just do your thing. (don't get angry or overly defensive. just show an air of calm confidence) In time, your mom (and anyone else) will quiet down.

Good luck!
While I can see you're trying to be supportive to the OP, breastfeeding doesn't make me feel that I have lost my body, make my baby fight for her food, hurt or stress me out in the least. It has always been very relaxing and settles my mind. My body is still my body! My body doesn't belong to my husband because we have sex, any more than it belongs to the baby because she breastfeeds.
I understand what you are saying. I just meant I did not want to use my body in that way. So for me, it felt like getting my body back. I certainly realize other women have different perspectives/experiences. I speak only of my own. And I certainly understand that while it isn't for me, other women do want to bf, and have wonderful experiences with it.

Regarding "struggling to eat", I'm glad you didn't have any problems with that, but many babies do struggle to eat from the breast. There have been many, many threads regarding that difficulty here and on different forums. So I mentioned it as one possible con that could come up. Of course there are cons/problems that can come up with ff, too! It just often is the case that people who push bf seem to act as if it's all positive all the time. And that's not true. So I was just listing for the OP some of the reasons I preferred the idea of ff.

I honestly just wish women would stop stressing about this so much. Bf if you want. ff if you want. combi feed if you want. All have pros and possible cons. One just has to read threads in both. Ultimately, all are fine. Your child will be fine. And it's no one else's business. You don't need anyone's permission or approval for whichever one you choose. Trust yourself! If one sounds better to you, then that is likely the right way for you. We ARE blessed to live in a time when we have options fitting for our emotional/physical/mental/lifestyle needs. So I read about bf and think; "ugh! not for me!" Another woman reads about bf and thinks: "that sounds great! I definitely want to at least try it." Both feelings/emotions are valid/fine and it is wonderful that we have the choice.



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Old Aug 28th, 2017, 18:31 PM   10
DobbyForever
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I got a lot of looks and judgement because my son had to be on formula. He was a term baby (38w4d) but very small 5lbs 3oz, so he has been on neosure formula since birth. I really wanted to breastfeed, and I couldn't. Latch issues, him not getting enough, not enough calories in my milk... we finally found what works: fortified bm (I pump them use my bm to mix the formula) and I get funny looks and the approval of oh you use bm it's ok then like f* off! If I use water who cares?! Anyway annoys me

I use straight formula for when I go out though. My milk spoils or i can't find warm water to heat it so I give up lol

I totally think you should stick to your discussion to just not discuss it. Draw the line and be firm but respectful that you aren't discussing it. Hugs

Re body it's your body. I can't tell you how to be comfortable or less scared. I'd say give it a go and if it sucks don't do it again that way you know for a fact how you react. But you know I feel like shit when I pump. I tell people not to talk to me because I hate it. My nipples get huge and I feel like a fairy cow and I have to look at my stomach/linea negra and for 20m 6x a day I turn into a depressed, raging b*. I get around it by playing video games while I pump and locking myself in a room away from people lol. But my point was while I encourage you try before you buy with bf, I get the body concerns



 
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