feeling "guilty". want to give up bf.

0_o · Jul 14th, 2011, 03:12 AM

I keep toying with the idea of ff. Ds is now 3, very demanding and clingy. He was a vey frequent feeder, evey hour! I bf for 3days abd gave up. DD is 11weeks now and I have exclusively bf her, even with another frequent feeder! I'm so tired. She now wont sleep alone as she wants boob, so im awake a lot in the night. I just want to have the boob/comfort sucking gone. I need to be able to do things with my son instead of always feedig Fay. I just find I have a horrible feelig when I think abut her not bf despite me wanting to give up. It's si conflicting. I dont know what to do, but I need to get her into some sort of routine and settled a bit more. Xx

sweetcheeks78 · Jul 14th, 2011, 03:20 AM

You have nothing to feel guilty about. BF works for some and not for others. I gave it a try, I only managed to exclusively bf for 5 weeks, by 9 weeks I had moved to ff completely. I confess I was actually relieved when it was over for several reasons – my LO fell asleep on the boob, it was really hard to get him to take a decent feed and I had no idea if he was getting enough. I preferred the ‘control’ of being able to see how many oz he had from a bottle.

I think you’ve done really well to get this far, and if now feels like the right time to move to ff then do it. We got into a much better routine on ff than we were on bf, and (now this may be coincidence!) we changed to completely ff at 9 weeks, and he started sttn at 9 weeks.

I know how much benefit there is from bf and I admire those who persevere with it but it just wasn’t working for us. I know what you mean about feeling guilty, even now with a weaned, thriving 20 month old I still feel like I have to explain why I didn’t bf! Lol. You do what feels right for you and your LO.

Charliemarina · Jul 14th, 2011, 03:43 AM

hey hunny, i like you felt i had to give up because i needed more time with my other LO's and i was always stuck to the sofa feeding, at times my 3 year old would play up bad and id have to stop feeding baby (she screamed if i took er off boob) to go and deal with my other LO it was very stressful, the guilt i felt giving up was unreal i never felt guilt like it but i know that feeling is very normal, at 6 weeks i started to combi feed with formula and expressed breastmilk it was going ok but i found if i wasnt feeding her then i was expressing and thats just as hard, so at 7 weeks i just stopped BF and expressing and went onto formula, LO was constipated for 1 days but has been fine since and is thriving well and very content with sleeping and between feeds, i sometimes still wish i could have carried on but i dont feel guilty anymore coz i now have a happier baby and im a happier mummy

u do whats best for you and baby hunny xxx

0_o · Jul 14th, 2011, 03:53 AM

I think I feel bad because she's gone up to 91st centile so is obviously doing well, and its selfishly me that wants to quit.

As for the sttn. Ds had his first bottle at 3days old. He was completely on formula by week 7, and week 8 he slept through! Xx

Louppey · Jul 14th, 2011, 09:45 AM

You have nothing to feel guilty about hun, happy mummy = happy baby and that is all that matters

ETA Hey - you live near me! I work in Portchester

0_o · Jul 14th, 2011, 23:20 PM

Ohh that's only down the road.

I expressed twice yesterday. 5oz from right, few drops from the left... Both times! Strange! I did 1/2+1/2 bm/formula and she took it fine, 2 5oz bottles! But when I bf after that I felt awful as she kept smiling at me every time I looked down at her.

After another night of constant feedig, this time from 1am, I think it needs to be done! I should wait until my OH goes onto dayshifts as I don't think i can do it on my own! :S Xx

storm4mozza · Jul 15th, 2011, 01:26 AM

You have nothing to feel guilty about, if anything you should feel proud that you tried your best. do what you feel is best for you and your family and keep your chin up, whatever you decide to do is the right thing x

Gbobs · Jul 15th, 2011, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 0_o

I think I feel bad because she's gone up to 91st centile so is obviously doing well, and its selfishly me that wants to quit.

As for the sttn. Ds had his first bottle at 3days old. He was completely on formula by week 7, and week 8 he slept through! Xx

I know exactly how you feel - I was struggling with BF pretty much from the start as I hated it but tried to persevere, however I was making myself I'll and stressed thinking of the next feed so after antagonising for a while I have pretty much moved exclusively to FF (although having to express a couple of times a day to keep away the engorgement) despite everyone being supportive, I still feel a bit guilty as my LO was putting on decent weight and it was purely for my reasons that I have stopped. However as others have said you both need to be happy and for you especially you have another child to think of and what is also best for them. You've done well to get as far as you have.

patch2006uk · Jul 18th, 2011, 10:13 AM

BFing is hard! Constant or near constant feeding will take it's toll on anyone! You are the only one who can decide whether to make the switch, but your LO will still need feeding and you'll have to be making up bottles instead of just getting your boob out!

Whatever you decide, any breastmilk is better than none, so you've done what's best for your LO so far. Personally, I'd keep going with the BFing if your LO is thriving, but maybe that's cos I struggled to get BFing established so I wouldn't stop yet for anything! As long as you're happy with whatever decision you make, who else can comment?

countryrider · Jul 18th, 2011, 15:55 PM

I know exactly how you feel and it's normal. You've done a great job bf as long as you have! My LO just turned a month old yesterday and she's been bf exclusively up until a few days ago. She was very clingy, fell asleep on the boob, and she seemed to feed constantly...especially at night...I spent the whole night with her attached to my boob. She also wasn't gaining weight so was recommended to supplement formula after she was bf. Before I knew it she was ff all the time. I felt guilty too, however it was best for her...and my 3 y/o who also wanted lots of attention!

Do what is best for your LO, yourself AND your family.

Jul 14th, 2011, 03:12 AM	#1
0_o Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: UK, Fareham Posts: 1,275	feeling "guilty". want to give up bf. I keep toying with the idea of ff. Ds is now 3, very demanding and clingy. He was a vey frequent feeder, evey hour! I bf for 3days abd gave up. DD is 11weeks now and I have exclusively bf her, even with another frequent feeder! I'm so tired. She now wont sleep alone as she wants boob, so im awake a lot in the night. I just want to have the boob/comfort sucking gone. I need to be able to do things with my son instead of always feedig Fay. I just find I have a horrible feelig when I think abut her not bf despite me wanting to give up. It's si conflicting. I dont know what to do, but I need to get her into some sort of routine and settled a bit more. Xx

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Jul 14th, 2011, 03:20 AM	#2
sweetcheeks78 Mum (Mom) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Shropshire Posts: 1,328	You have nothing to feel guilty about. BF works for some and not for others. I gave it a try, I only managed to exclusively bf for 5 weeks, by 9 weeks I had moved to ff completely. I confess I was actually relieved when it was over for several reasons – my LO fell asleep on the boob, it was really hard to get him to take a decent feed and I had no idea if he was getting enough. I preferred the ‘control’ of being able to see how many oz he had from a bottle. I think you’ve done really well to get this far, and if now feels like the right time to move to ff then do it. We got into a much better routine on ff than we were on bf, and (now this may be coincidence!) we changed to completely ff at 9 weeks, and he started sttn at 9 weeks. I know how much benefit there is from bf and I admire those who persevere with it but it just wasn’t working for us. I know what you mean about feeling guilty, even now with a weaned, thriving 20 month old I still feel like I have to explain why I didn’t bf! Lol. You do what feels right for you and your LO.

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Jul 14th, 2011, 03:43 AM	#3
Charliemarina Waiting To Try (WTT) BnB Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: North London Posts: 3,429	hey hunny, i like you felt i had to give up because i needed more time with my other LO's and i was always stuck to the sofa feeding, at times my 3 year old would play up bad and id have to stop feeding baby (she screamed if i took er off boob) to go and deal with my other LO it was very stressful, the guilt i felt giving up was unreal i never felt guilt like it but i know that feeling is very normal, at 6 weeks i started to combi feed with formula and expressed breastmilk it was going ok but i found if i wasnt feeding her then i was expressing and thats just as hard, so at 7 weeks i just stopped BF and expressing and went onto formula, LO was constipated for 1 days but has been fine since and is thriving well and very content with sleeping and between feeds, i sometimes still wish i could have carried on but i dont feel guilty anymore coz i now have a happier baby and im a happier mummy u do whats best for you and baby hunny xxx

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Jul 14th, 2011, 03:53 AM	#4
0_o Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: UK, Fareham Posts: 1,275	I think I feel bad because she's gone up to 91st centile so is obviously doing well, and its selfishly me that wants to quit. As for the sttn. Ds had his first bottle at 3days old. He was completely on formula by week 7, and week 8 he slept through! Xx

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Jul 14th, 2011, 09:45 AM	#5
Louppey Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: May 2010 Location: Southampton, UK Posts: 7,066	You have nothing to feel guilty about hun, happy mummy = happy baby and that is all that matters ETA Hey - you live near me! I work in Portchester
	Admin Approved All sorts of cakes for the Portsmouth and Southampton area.
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Jul 14th, 2011, 23:20 PM	#6
0_o Pregnant (Expecting) Chat Happy BnB Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: UK, Fareham Posts: 1,275	Ohh that's only down the road. I expressed twice yesterday. 5oz from right, few drops from the left... Both times! Strange! I did 1/2+1/2 bm/formula and she took it fine, 2 5oz bottles! But when I bf after that I felt awful as she kept smiling at me every time I looked down at her. After another night of constant feedig, this time from 1am, I think it needs to be done! I should wait until my OH goes onto dayshifts as I don't think i can do it on my own! :S Xx

Status: Offline

Jul 15th, 2011, 01:26 AM	#7
storm4mozza Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Birmingham UK Posts: 2,875	You have nothing to feel guilty about, if anything you should feel proud that you tried your best. do what you feel is best for you and your family and keep your chin up, whatever you decide to do is the right thing x

Status: Offline

Jul 18th, 2011, 10:13 AM	#9
patch2006uk Mum (Mom) BnB Addict Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: West Mids, UK Posts: 5,227	BFing is hard! Constant or near constant feeding will take it's toll on anyone! You are the only one who can decide whether to make the switch, but your LO will still need feeding and you'll have to be making up bottles instead of just getting your boob out! Whatever you decide, any breastmilk is better than none, so you've done what's best for your LO so far. Personally, I'd keep going with the BFing if your LO is thriving, but maybe that's cos I struggled to get BFing established so I wouldn't stop yet for anything! As long as you're happy with whatever decision you make, who else can comment?

Status: Offline

Jul 18th, 2011, 15:55 PM	#10
countryrider Pregnant (Expecting) Active BnB Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: IL, USA Posts: 286	I know exactly how you feel and it's normal. You've done a great job bf as long as you have! My LO just turned a month old yesterday and she's been bf exclusively up until a few days ago. She was very clingy, fell asleep on the boob, and she seemed to feed constantly...especially at night...I spent the whole night with her attached to my boob. She also wasn't gaining weight so was recommended to supplement formula after she was bf. Before I knew it she was ff all the time. I felt guilty too, however it was best for her...and my 3 y/o who also wanted lots of attention! Do what is best for your LO, yourself AND your family.

Status: Offline

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