Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 18:35 PM   11
MrsPOP
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,983
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3011busyyear View Post
Gosh that sounds horrendous
LO is now 11 months and I still have to try hard not to stare longingly at bf mothers in coffee shops and baby groups.
My did get a lot of support but LO just never latched. In some ways I think that makes it feel worse than if there was a reason like mastitis, poor supply etc that I could pin point as a reason but nope there is no clear reason why she wouldn't.Tbh the thing that has helped me now is that as mine and friends LOs get older less if them are bf and as the weeks go in we are all becoming more similar and People don't discuss feeding options as much.

More than the pregnancy, labour and those first difficult few weeks I think about bf a second child most days. It's not even something I can talk to anyone about without the 'oh every child is different' comments. Even that is stressful as there is nothing I can do until that moment when baby is born and I try to latch them for the first time
BIB #1: Oh absolutely! If I knew for certain why it didnt work out I'd probably accept it and be able to move on I think. I say in my OP I think LO has a lip tie but thats just my thinking. Noone even looked in her mouth to see if she had it or tongue tie.

BIB2 #2: I think about that a lot as well, along with how I give birth. Im not so upset over my CSec and Im definately getting over that quicker but I still sometimes feel down my all singing, all dancing au naturel labout was 'robbed' from me! I want to HBAC no2!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 18:38 PM   12
MegzyAngel
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 127
pefectly understand how you feel hun. Just wanted to say that your not alone.
I to struggle with BF because of low supply that never did get established so we have to formula feed.
I find it hard when I see other mums BF and think why can't I do that? Why did my body fail me yet again.
As it was our little girl is a miracle and we had to go through fertility treatments just to have a chance at having her.

I developed pre-e/HELLP syndrome during labour which caused haemmorraging afterwards. They think that affected my supply because of the haemmoglobin issues that followed. That on top of my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which also effects supply because of stuffed up hormones and possible underdeveloped breast tissue.

I tried lactation consultants to see if they could help...they told me nothing that i didnt know already. also tried prolactin enhancing drugs (Domperidone) and also a herb called goats rue. Both of which didn't do much at all.

I do still express some milk but she doesnt get put on the breast anymore since she just fusses and she never gets any where near enough for a full meal. Shes lucky if she gets a full meal of expressed milk every couple of days. Even now my supply is getting lower and lower so soon there will be none at all to give her.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 18:45 PM   13
Staceysparkle
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Scotland
Posts: 705
You sound like an amazing mum and you tried for so long! I know so well what its like living with the guilt It still breaks my heart that breastfeeding didn't work out for me and LO he wouldn't latch and we stayed in hospital for help but nothing worked and he got low blood sugar and was given formula by a midwife whilst I sat crying my eyes out. I had a traumatic birth and hadn't slept in 3 days because I was constantly trying to latch him but in the end started expressing because the midwifes kept saying he needed ff if I didn't get him to bf. I didn't know how much or how often to express and became very engorged and was having to express every 2 hours round the clock or I was nearly passing out from the pain and me and OH were fighting because he would have to get up and feed LO the bottle of EBM while I was pumping to try and stop the pain and I thought I was loosing the plot and wasn't getting time to bond with LO with being attached to my pump 24/7 so gave up after 3 weeks It still kills me when I think about it and I blame myself for not being better informed or getting in touch with somewhere for bf support. Next time I plan to get in touch with local bf support groups before my due date so I have people I can look to for support if it doesn't work next time. Thank you so much for starting this thread its a great idea and will hopefully help us all feel better sharing our stories



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 18:49 PM   14
MrsPOP
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,983
Quote:
Originally Posted by Staceysparkle View Post
You sound like an amazing mum and you tried for so long! I know so well what its like living with the guilt It still breaks my heart that breastfeeding didn't work out for me and LO he wouldn't latch and we stayed in hospital for help but nothing worked and he got low blood sugar and was given formula by a midwife whilst I sat crying my eyes out. I had a traumatic birth and hadn't slept in 3 days because I was constantly trying to latch him but in the end started expressing because the midwifes kept saying he needed ff if I didn't get him to bf. I didn't know how much or how often to express and became very engorged and was having to express every 2 hours round the clock or I was nearly passing out from the pain and me and OH were fighting because he would have to get up and feed LO the bottle of EBM while I was pumping to try and stop the pain and I thought I was loosing the plot and wasn't getting time to bond with LO with being attached to my pump 24/7 so gave up after 3 weeks It still kills me when I think about it and I blame myself for not being better informed or getting in touch with somewhere for bf support. Next time I plan to get in touch with local bf support groups before my due date so I have people I can look to for support if it doesn't work next time. Thank you so much for starting this thread its a great idea and will hopefully help us all feel better sharing our stories
A good friend of mine on here did that before her second DD was due as she had difficulties with her first and she has successfully fed her DD2! Im definately going to follow her lead when I have LO#2 and go to BF groups beforehand.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 18:53 PM   15
MrsPOP
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,983
Quote:
Originally Posted by JackiePed View Post
Although I am breastfeeding this LO, my first two were mainly ff after only a few weeks of bfing due to low supply after returning to work. I did not feel less of a bond when giving them formula, and they are both smart, healthy, happy children. I never felt guilty about it.
I hate to say it, but you never would have felt so much guilt were it not for the time spent on online forums... and that is NOT me 'bashing' BnB... I love BnB and am an active member... but I myself need to recognize when an issue is exacerbated due to what I read online, or what I am drawn to reading.

Your baby wants to be loved. Not breastfed, or babyworn, or pushed in a stroller, or coslept, or put in a special bassinet... none of that makes nearly as much difference to our LO as it does to us. If you are loving her, tending to her, talking to her, snuggling her, holding her, etc... she feels loved.
BIB#1: I was told by a mum who FF her first and BF her second that the bond is so much better with BF and that killed me

BIB#2: I both agree and disagree here, lol. I still think I would have felt guilty as it was something I so wanted to do. Also, my LO has a hole in her heart and I feel like crap because I havent protected her by BF her IYKWIM? However you are right and I need to realise that my upset is exacerbated sometimes by here (I dont really go on any other mum forums) and to step away when things get on top of me, which is why I do sometimes go quiet.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 20:01 PM   16
ValentinesGal
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Indiana, US
Posts: 1,628
I was fortunate enough that LO actually did pretty good while we were in the hospital, so that was like salt in an open wound when it didn't work out. Once we got home, his appetite skyrocketed and I couldn't keep up (low-supply). I tried to nurse him all the time, but no matter how hard we tried he was never satisfied and half the time he did nothing but scream and not latch or latch and let go because my let down wasn't fast enough. Towards the end I tried to pump too, to try to get my supply up and get ebm into him. The most I was ever able to get for a 30 min session was 2 oz. (and that only happened a few times...it was usually less). By two weeks my LO was eating 3-4oz every 3 hours, so we had to go to mixed feedings, then finally to only ff by 3 weeks. (He's now eating 5-6 oz.)

I wish I would have had more info before too because by the time I started having problems, searching for support/help/info was disheartening and made me feel worse. I had even tried to post a thread in the bf forum for help, just to be told 'Just feed your baby and quit supplementing!' It actually made me feel more like crap

I too hope I'm more successful with the next LO now that I've learned so much more about bf. That's a good idea to get with the support groups BEFORE delivery. Even though I still feel bad that I couldn't keep it up, LO and I are so much happier, he's healthy and growing, and I have my sanity back...no more instantaneous crying when people ask how we're doing lol We really shouldn't ever feel like 'failures' because as long as our children are happy and healthy, then it shouldn't matter how they were feed

Thanks for posting this thread...nice to share with you ladies and keep your chins up!



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 20:11 PM   17
nikkyx
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Cradley Heath, UK
Posts: 49
I had latching problems and got sent home. LO wouldn't feed first night so i ff. I tried expressing but soon dried up. Maiya is healthy and even just knowing i tried keeps me reassured. I am sure you're a wonderful mom and as long as your little one is being fed and is happy and healthy it shouldn't matter. xx



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 20:36 PM   18
minties
Mum (Mom)
BnB Elite
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tauranga, New Zealand
Posts: 15,593
Thank you so much for telling us your story, you've really opened my eyes. Really heartbreaking, I can't imagine how you feel.



 
Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 20:55 PM   19
maddog37
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1,743
I'm so sorry you had such a horrible experience. It really feels hopeless when you don't know the reason and there is no support around you.

But I'm really glad you started this thread. I could cry just reading this post because now, at 9 months, I still can't get over not being able to bf and there has not yet been a single day that I don't think about it. I also have to stop myself from watching bf'ing moms wistfully in public. I wonder everyday if my having to take so much drugs in labour caused LO to be too drowsy to feed. Or maybe he lost the ability because MIL would not leave the freaking room the day he was born even when I said he needs to feed.

I can't even say he didn't latch. He had trouble latching but after a 1 on 1 consultation at the hospital (we're pretty much pro bf'ing here and they look at you like you are a monster if you ff) on the 3rd day, I can get him to with a bit of difficulty.

At the group bf'ing class on the 2nd day in the hospital, I was the ONLY one the instructor basically kicked out without LO latching because we couldn't get him to wake at all.

For the first 3 weeks, he'd cry for a feed when he's not on me, but once he's on me, he'd fall asleep after 10 sucks, maximum. Usually only about 5 sucks. I tried everything. I didn't come on BnB for support because I literally spent all my time feeding him, feeding myself so I can feed him (I started not being able to eat after a week at the on-start of PNA), or pumping while I read everything I can find about getting more milk. We actually have a 24 hour line to call for bf'ing at the hospital, but my brain didn't even think about that.

After 3 weeks, I developed such a severe case of PNA (partially due to bf'ing problems) that I was forced to stop in order to take a sedative to stop the panic attacks and eat. I started having obsessive thoughts that if this wasn't modern day, he would've died because I couldn't feed him. That guilt stung a lot. I also had intrusive images from accounts in WW2 of bf'ing mothers having their breasts chopped off as they laid dying. I couldn't get the images out and it just make my anxiety worse.

Even now, I still hope that maybe I can bf him. I started the thread a while back about relactation because LO tried to suck once last month. Unfortunately it's not working and he just bit me with his teeth after that. Last time I tried was a week ago.



Status: Offline
 
Old Jan 11th, 2012, 20:59 PM   20
HungryHippo
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,263
I hope every day gets better for you emotionally and dealing with your feelings on your BF experience. Any time you feel down just look at your thriving LO - you've clearly figured out her needs. It was just a rocky road.



 
Status: Offline
 
Reply



Bookmarks

Tags
bf , experiencing , failure , guilt , hugs , support

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



SEO by vBSEO