Forum Rules

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old Jan 12th, 2012, 18:28 PM   51
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,117
a bit of an a ha moment for me was when i was speaking to my midwife about how all i wanted to do was breastfeed sophie- and i was getting quite emotional about my failure she turned around to me and said- but kate- you did breastfeed- it doesn't matter how much she got- you managed to get as much breastmilk in to her as you could. Its enough.

Status: Offline
Old Jan 12th, 2012, 19:14 PM   52
Posts: n/a
Not being able to breastfeed is one of the HARDEST things to go through for a new mom. Just try to remind yourself that you tried your hardest. That's all you can do, unfortunately.

When I had my boy he was premature so they had me pumping the day I had him. I was never able to get more than 1 1/2 oz from both breasts combined, no matter how religious I was with pumping. Breastfeeding him wasn't even an option because he was on a feeding tube for a big majority of his first month.

I remember calling my DH and bawling because I felt like a failure for a mom. I would literally cry every time I saw a post on here for breastfeeding. I felt like I should be able to nourish my own child and that if there weren't formula, surely he'd have died.

Well, there IS formula and he survived! Really though, I came to terms with it and pumped when I could. Although I was only able to give him very little, I thought of it as at least I'm trying. Now, at 4 months adjusted, he has completely weened himself off the boob as well, but is healthy as a horse.

So please, don't worry about it. Just know that you tried your hardest and that in itself makes you the best possible mom for your child.

On a side note: My mother-in-law just visited and she wanted to share some advice with you. She's a midwife and she said there is way more to raising a baby than breastfeeding. That sometimes babies just won't latch and there's nothing you can do about it but love them and be there for them. She also said breastfed babies turn out healthy too!

Old Jan 12th, 2012, 19:41 PM   53
Pregnant (Expecting)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Ky
Posts: 706
We had latch issues so I ended up pumping round the clock. Then I started back on my bipolar meds and we started combi feeding. I've had a hard time accepting that I couldn't nurse her and felt that I wasn't being a good mom. I'm slowly coming to terms with my perceived failure and realizing that I was very lucky to be able to provide her breast milk at all. I think the biggest part of my bipolar depression relapse was directly related to breast feeding. I'm finally starting to feel better.

Status: Offline
Old Jan 12th, 2012, 20:21 PM   54
Posts: n/a
Well said, Kage.

Old Jan 12th, 2012, 20:31 PM   55
Posts: n/a
Originally Posted by MegzyAngel View Post
pefectly understand how you feel hun. Just wanted to say that your not alone.
I to struggle with BF because of low supply that never did get established so we have to formula feed.I find it hard when I see other mums BF and think why can't I do that? Why did my body fail me yet again.
As it was our little girl is a miracle and we had to go through fertility treatments just to have a chance at having her.

I developed pre-e/HELLP syndrome during labour which caused haemmorraging afterwards. They think that affected my supply because of the haemmoglobin issues that followed. That on top of my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome which also effects supply because of stuffed up hormones and possible underdeveloped breast tissue.

I tried lactation consultants to see if they could help...they told me nothing that i didnt know already. also tried prolactin enhancing drugs (Domperidone) and also a herb called goats rue. Both of which didn't do much at all.

I do still express some milk but she doesnt get put on the breast anymore since she just fusses and she never gets any where near enough for a full meal. Shes lucky if she gets a full meal of expressed milk every couple of days. Even now my supply is getting lower and lower so soon there will be none at all to give her.
I could have written the bolded parts! Lane seemed to do pretty well with BF for the first couple of weeks, but now I realize it's probably because her tummy could only take less than it does now, so the supply I have satiated her. Over the last two weeks I've had to supplement formula more and more (and expressed milk when there is enough) after a BF session.

We do okay in the middle of the night, when my supply seems to be a bit more, but by 3-4 in the afternoon we are supplementing, and by evening she is all bottlefed. Sometimes during those middle of the night feedings, I will have my husband bottlefeed her instead while I pump, and even with engorged breasts, I am lucky to get a total of two ounces. So, I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that it won't be much longer that what my body can supply won't be close to enough.

I have shed many tears of frustration and sadness over this, and I am so grateful for a close friend with whom I can wail to. She has voiced to me some of the things stated already in this thread; things that let me know it's okay if it turns out that BF won't succeed; it's okay that as long as Lane is getting the food she needs, it doesn't matter to her if it's BF or FF.

I still feel some guilt over the way things are going, but each day it is a little bit less, and for that I am grateful. But do I wish I could exclusively BF? Hell, yes.

Old Jan 12th, 2012, 21:04 PM   56
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 1,596
This is a really nice thread. I'm combi feeding and still struggling with my son's latch. It's getting better but he primarily gets EBM. Although I'm happy I have persevered so far, I have extreme guilt over using formula to supplement and feeding from a bottle. It's so insane though, if someone else were telling me they felt this way I would say OMG you have nothing to feel guilty about! but yet I can't tell myself that. Thanks for this thread, by the looks of it it's helped a lot of women

Status: Offline
Old Jan 12th, 2012, 23:25 PM   57
Mum (Mom)
Active BnB Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 996
Originally Posted by Eala View Post
Originally Posted by lynys View Post

It is posts about quitting that get me because these women have the opportunity to do what you can't, and they want to stop because it's too hard. They should feel guilty, not you ladies.
Was there really any need for that? This thread has been wonderfully free of any kind of judgemental attitude so far. Telling anyone that they "should" feel guilty is just awful, no-one has the right to make that kind of judgement.
My apologies for being so offensive then. I do not think people who feel guilty because their body will not allow them to bf should feel guilty.

Status: Offline
Old Jan 13th, 2012, 04:19 AM   58
Mum (Mom)
Chat Happy BnB Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,162
I have so many regrets with this baby having a c-section (which i get down about all the time) and not bf BUT we had our pp check yesterday and when the doctors said hes the happiest most content baby hes seen in a long while and said hes the picture of health i felt so much better about ff and u know what i tried i failed we dont succeed in everything in life that we try but hey our babys are healthy and happy and loved so thats good enough for me what will be will be :-) xxx

Status: Offline
Old Jan 13th, 2012, 05:46 AM   59
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Originally from Virginia, USA but living in the Netherlands
Posts: 3,085
I just read this comment that was posted in one of the link a PP shared about getting over the guilt. This spoke a lot to me:

Something I did to help with the guilt:

I went to a local playground and watched the kids playing. I tried to pick out the forumla-fed kids vs. the breastfed kids.

I went home feeling better.

Status: Offline
Old Jan 13th, 2012, 06:32 AM   60
Mum (Mom)
BnB Addict
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: South West
Posts: 2,790
I hope you don't carry the guilt as long as me. 9 years down the line I still feel guilty and explain myself. It breaks my heart and I've even apologised and explained to my 9 year old I hate that I failed. I feel so so grateful to be able to BF this time, it has been a rough road but I knew I had to get through it as I couldn't go through that guilt again.

I was 19 when I had my first son. I was in hospital for two nights and he was fully breastfed. The pain was awful and there was only one comfortable feed. I was struggling to latch him and had midwives shove him onto my breast and then leave us. I was offered a third night in hospital to establish feeding but there was a change of nurses and patients and I didn't feel happy there so went home.
Louis cried for a feed and I went to the bedroom to feed him. I could only do it laying down and tried to latch him on but he screamed and screamed and refused to latch. I was so upset and didn't know what to do.
His dad and his friends were in the other room and I felt useless and upset. It's a blur now but I vaguely recall him feeding a few times before refusing. My nipples were raw and bleeding. I tried nipple shields and expressing but couldn't get enough out so combi fed then just FF.
I was young, uninformed, unsupported, depressed and struggling.
I feel if I knew what I know now I'd have succeeded. And with the support I have now. I resent not having it. A Health Visitor admitted there was a lack of info and support on their part and took partial blame which blew me away.
But I still want to turn back the clock.

Getting that out felt good.

Status: Offline


bf , experiencing , failure , guilt , hugs , support

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search