I also feel like a failure. My son REFUSED to latch properly. I tried and tried and tried to the point we were both miserable, neither of us were sleeping, and he was losing wieght, and not having nearly enough wet/dirty diapers.
This was after meeting with three different nurses at the hospital before being discharged and then meeting with a lactation consultant 2 days later. I continued to try till he was about 2 weeks old. Then one night he had been at one breast for nearly 1/2 an hour and when I went to switch he screamed so loud my heart was breaking and he was at the other breast for nearly 1/2 an hour. And again when I went to take him away he screamed and screamed so I went and made up 2 ounces of formula and he sucked it down like he hadn't eaten in days. He then feel asleep and slept for 3 hours. That was when I decided to make the switch and make my baby happy. After that he started to put on wieght and have proper diapers. He is sooo much happier and content, and sleeps like a newborn should.
I do still feel like a failure, and I hate when people ask breast or bottle. Trust me I would of loved to breastfeed my son. But between his refusal to latch properly and my poor milk supply he would of starved. I do feed him a gentle formula to help with gas and fussiness and we use dr browns bottles for the same reason.
There are times I still dread feeding times because I wish that I could just place him to my breast and recreate that bond, but I just tell myself I had to do what was best for him, and as his mother I like to believe I knew what that was.
It is sooo nice to read about other mothers who have had to go through this same hardship and feelings of failure. It lets me know I am not alone and I really am not a failure, this happens to a lot of women and I wasn't the only one with a lack of support.
I agree - it's nice to know I'm not alone. The appointment with the doctor is with a different doc so hopefully he will be more understanding but what bothers me is I've let my milk supply go now when he possily could breast feed if this is sorted out in next couple of weeks. But I am starting to make my peace with formula. I was worried because he had colic/wind and I was thinking it was my fault for not feeding him with breast milk but we are using infacol now and he is much better.
Totally agree - breast is best - well not according to the doctor I saw when he was 6 days - he asked if he was feeding from abottle I said yes and he goes so what's the problem? The problem is you people ram down our throats breast is best and then don;t support us and let us feel like a failure if we can;t do it
Location: Richmond KY. Originally from Chicago IL.
I know, I think if the medical community was more supportive and lactation consultants didnt cost an arm and leg to meet with then more women would be breastfeeding. I have made my peace with formula but there are days I want to throw all the cans away and try breastfeeding again. But my little man is 6 weeks now and my milk supply is practically non existant so thats not going to happen. I just tell myself that with my next baby I will seek the support before they even arrive so that I have a well established support system and educated people to help me with such a difficult task. I was formula fed and so was everyone in my entire family and we all turned out just fine so I know Sam will be fine and healthy and I also use a gentle formula so I know it is atleast easy for him to digest.
I too was formula fed as my mum struggled as well - so was my sister and we are both very healthy - we rarely get ill. My friend on the other hand was breats fed until 10 mths is always ill. Not exactly overwhelming evidence but good enough for me Also they say bottle feeding can lead to childhood obesity - well so can feeding them Macdonalds at 18 mths- surely environment plays a part too
I know exactly how you feel. Except that we actually managed to discover the tongue-tie on Day2 and get it clipped on Day3 (at hospital) but by then he already wasn't overly interested in BFing.
I wouldn't be discouraged and just kept forcing him to the boob (We saw 7 lactation counselors between days 1-7, but my nipples became so sore, cracked, bloody that I was convinced he was getting more blood than milk) he would suckle for ages and come off of the feeding crying like he was starving. I even used shields for a few days to give my nipples a break and see if it would be easier for him - so I KNOW he was actually getting milk. But then 2 nights ago he was at the breast for 80 minutes (actively sucking for close to 70 of those minutes) and when he came off he started crying like he hadn't eaten in days. By that point I was SO frustrated that I broke down crying hysterically.
DH took the baby, made up a bottle and 'topped him off' - just to see how much he wanted/needed. Suffice it to say he downed an entire 70cc and didn't spit-up any of it.
The next morning I woke up with a raging fever which ended up with a visit to the dr and antibiotics. I pumped but LO wouldn't drink my milk (I guess it tasted funny on account of the anti-b's and tylenol) so he's been on formula for the last couple of days.
I'm sad that I can't BF him, as I'd always hoped to. But I see that now he's actually satiated and happy after his feedings (which makes me happy and calm), he's finally making as many dirty/wet diapers as he's 'supposed to', and DH is thrilled to be able to feed him too because it really is great bonding time. We just love to stare into his sparkling eyes and then after the feed we let him drift off to sleep in our arms and he makes tiny smiles. (even if they're involuntary they're adorable and make me feel like we're making the right choice switching to formula.)
I'm adjusting to the reality that formula is going to be the way to go for us from here on out. Heck, my mom keeps reminding me that I was FF as a baby and she claims I turned out alright...
Have you been in contact with your health visitor at all? Just my little boy was also born with a tongue tie and my health visitor managed to make an appointment within a week to get his tongue tie assessed. She called them directly and they called me to offer advice whilst waiting. Although for me this was too late as I had no luck expressing. My son is doing well on formula and putting on weight nicely but I know how you feel x
I feel you. My son had a tongue tie as well. Nobody noticed for several weeks and by then I was going insane with the 12 hour long feeding sessions and a constantly screaming starving baby who wasn't gaining any weight at all. I was so depressed by the whole thing honestly - I'd been trying sooooo hard to breastfeed him on demand like a good mum and I thought it was just hard in the beginning and that's why it was so awful... so it really broke my heart to hear he hadn't even gained an ounce in 2 weeks... the guilt was incredible. I went onto formula that afternoon. He's doing so much better now and still gets a couple of bottles of expressed milk each day but the grief at not being able to breastfeed is still very very raw. I never realised how much I wanted to do it until I couldn't!! My supply is very low now because my son never removed milk very well and I do pump but not that much because I can't spare the time to do it - like you I feel it's better to be a good mummy than a good milker, and he is thriving on formula. Being there for my baby (and in a fit mental state) is more important than providing him with breastmilk so I had to let go a little bit. It was hard though... I definitely relate to the panic at missing pumping times. I was stressed 24/7 trying to keep up with it all and increase my milk supply.
It's funny, even though I KNOW how hard I tried - I went through a stage of really, really obsessing over making it work almost to the point of madness - I still think to myself sometimes that I could have made it work if I had tried hard enough, and that I just 'didn't do it right'. I know it's not really like that but I still feel like I failed in this, and that I failed my son.
Even though it isn't our fault.
Big hugs. You did the right thing for your baby, you're a fab mummy and deserve a gold star!
i'm currently feeling this way. i feel attached to my pump, i'm doing 7 times a day and it's just to much i feel drained. i'm tempted to cut back. i know i will lose some supply but i don't know if i care.
Location: Richmond KY. Originally from Chicago IL.
Lady Bee Im the same way, I wonder to myself if I tried hard enough and was I doing it right, and I should of just kept going, I gave into formula too soon. But my baby is at the top of the growth chart and he is soooo much happier with formula feeding. I still feed on demand and I snuggle him in as close as I can when were feeding. And I still have skin to skin contact as much as possible. My son hated the infant tub so I decided to take him in the tub with me and he loves it. Also on warm night I take my top off and his top off and we just snuggle chest to chest and sometimes he will migrate towards my breast but he never suckles he will sometimes just lick or grab at them. It breaks my heart it didnt work out for us but I also started telling myself its just food, and he wont be drinking formula forever and I can try to breastfeed with my second child.
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