Alexander was born with a tongue tie and just can;t breastfeed. I've had about 10 midwives try to help him latch on and 2 specialist infant feeding advisors - apparently if they can;t help then nobody can. He was jaundiced and had to be topped up with formula to flush it through. I had been expressing for 3 weeks and topping up with formula but I was getting very depressed and crying a lot. I spent my whole day planning around expressing. I was panicking if he was crying and I was due to express and it meant I was rushing my time with him so that i could express. I know they say breast is best but I really don;t feel like i was being the best mummy i could be. He also got colic - infacol was a life saver - but he was crying for 2 hours in the night so then to go and express for 40 mins after that was getting too much. Also my husband is back at work so nobody can pick him up if he's crying and I'm expressing - so I've stopped. But i hate it when you get asked is he breast or bottle fed? They don;t know how hard I have tried to breast feed and then to express and I don;t want them thinking I'm a failure like I feel.

I felt exactly the same my baby failed to latch also had jaundice so i exclusively expressed for 2 weeks but gave up and switched to formula as i felt the same way felt like all i was doing was expressing and everything in day had to be planned around that and felt like i wasn't spending quality time with baby like everyone else was but since i switched to formula never been happier and no more tears from me :-)

Thanks - good to know I'm not alone

Why haven't they done anything about his tt? Or have they?

long story - initially I was offered a referral to the specialist but I had been in hospital for 3 days with 5 hrs sleep and my husband hadn't arrived yet so I said no but the infant feeding specialist said if i changed my mind to go to the GP and get a referral to the specialist which we did when he was 6 days old. The doctor however was useless and said he didn;t understand what the problem was and that he would only refer him to the ENT department and not maxiofacial where the specialist is as apparenyl he would cut it no questions asked. We booked an appointment at the ENT department which isnl;t until May 18th when he will be 8 wks old - that's only and initial consultation and he needs to be under 12 wks really as after 12 weeks he'd have to go under general anaesthetic. Spoke to infant feeding lady who rang the doctor and asked him to reconsider - he wouldn;t so we have an appointment with the doctor next week where we have to go and tell him basically we want referring to the specialist or we will put in a complaint - the specialist can fit him in inbetween clinics much quicker and when he is under 12 wks and he won;t do it if he thinks the tongue tie is not an issue. Sorry told you it was long! So that's where we are now - appointment with the doc a week on Fri to tell him we want to see the specialist.

You ate NOT alone! My daughter had a really bad latch too.
My nipples bled to the point I cried with pain through her feeds and she was spitting up my BLOOD! I was miserable, she was stressed out jandiced and hungry all the time that I had to make a decision. My breasts leak when sencried still and it breaks my heart that my body wants to feed her but I just can't. We've been on formula now 4days, I'm still expressing 3times a day but my supply is lessening daily. I'll continue to pump what I've
Got till I've got no more. I'd rathe she have it than waste it.

When people ask breast or bottle it kills me coz I wish the answer was breast. But she's thriving now, she's much morecontented, she's sleeping better and more alert when awake. She seems happier and imam
Much more relaxed and patient with her becase my husband and I take turns with the night feeds. There are pros to bottle feeding
Too. But mourne the disappointment, accept you've done your best and begin to enjoy your LO.

**hugs**

God, you know what, doctors are utterly rubbish. My son has a lip-tie and am pretty sure that's why he wouldn't latch in the early days and I gave up too easily. They haven't checked for it and tbh I don't even want to go to my dr about it as they've been so s**t about his reflux and am considering going private!

Don't let them fob you off!! How can they continue with their 'Breast is Best' campaign when they won't help mothers to overcome these issues??

I also feel like a failure. My son REFUSED to latch properly. I tried and tried and tried to the point we were both miserable, neither of us were sleeping, and he was losing wieght, and not having nearly enough wet/dirty diapers.

This was after meeting with three different nurses at the hospital before being discharged and then meeting with a lactation consultant 2 days later. I continued to try till he was about 2 weeks old. Then one night he had been at one breast for nearly 1/2 an hour and when I went to switch he screamed so loud my heart was breaking and he was at the other breast for nearly 1/2 an hour. And again when I went to take him away he screamed and screamed so I went and made up 2 ounces of formula and he sucked it down like he hadn't eaten in days. He then feel asleep and slept for 3 hours. That was when I decided to make the switch and make my baby happy. After that he started to put on wieght and have proper diapers. He is sooo much happier and content, and sleeps like a newborn should.

I do still feel like a failure, and I hate when people ask breast or bottle. Trust me I would of loved to breastfeed my son. But between his refusal to latch properly and my poor milk supply he would of starved. I do feed him a gentle formula to help with gas and fussiness and we use dr browns bottles for the same reason.

There are times I still dread feeding times because I wish that I could just place him to my breast and recreate that bond, but I just tell myself I had to do what was best for him, and as his mother I like to believe I knew what that was.

It is sooo nice to read about other mothers who have had to go through this same hardship and feelings of failure. It lets me know I am not alone and I really am not a failure, this happens to a lot of women and I wasn't the only one with a lack of support.

I had the exact same situ and the exact same feelings. I could have written that post 9m ago. I expressed for 6 weeks with the top-ups/latching failings. And hated it when people asked me 'are you bf'. I just wanted to tell them to fuck off. I have pnd now and this was a big contributor. I have made my peace with formula. What is important is that you are feeding your baby! Please dont beat yourself up about this. What more could you have done?! You are a great Mum just for caring so much about this but please dont let it rule how you feel x

I felt exactly the same as you and all I can say is don't beat yourself up over it! You've done what's best for you and bub and as they say happy mummy=happy baby. You've got to do what's right for you and if BF didn't work out so be it. I understand how stressful it is and really at the end of the day how you feed your baby is irrelevant and nobody's business. My LO was starving and I was literally BF her 24/7 and topping her up with formula. It was so stressful and I was such a mess. I decided that for the sake of my mental health to give BF up and I now have a very contented, happy 4 week old. I was formula fed, have never had any health issues and there are millions of others who are the same. Just enjoy your bub and don't stress. They grow so fast and you don't want to waste precious moments xxx