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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 02:18 AM   1
KM22
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Parents in law coming to stay after birth, advice needed!


Hi everybody,
Looking for a little advice from people who have been in this situation before!
I'm due to have a C section next month with my first baby as have had previous abdo surgery. My MIL called my husband last night saying that they would like to come and stay (they live 2.5hours away) for when I have the LO.
I categorically have refused this and luckily my DH agreed with me. I think surgery and a new baby is enough to contend with without house guests too.
Husband has put this to her and I could hear her dissapointment down the phone (naturally it's her grandchild) and he has said that they can come after the first week or so.
Now am I being wrong in thinking that I will just want the time to establish feeding, bond with baby and DH as a family and get some sort of routine going before we have guests, even for 2 nights? Or am I overreacting?
I have suggested they come but stay in a hotel, DH won't put this to them.
My parents live around the corner and will only pop in for a few mins at a time (mums already said this) to give us time and space but see if we need anything.
I'm really torn as I understand it's their (3rd) grandchild but I really don't think that I can have my (quite interfering) 75yo mil around so soon after birth. (I witnessed her telling her niece that her baby needed to be winded now whilst niece was feeding LO)
So how soon in people's opinion is too soon??
Thanks in advance for any advice



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 03:38 AM   2
Zephram
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Hell to the no! I wouldn’t have anyone come to stay in the first few weeks. You do need that private time to establish feeding and bond and not have to worry about someone else in your space expecting you to be somewhat put together and host them.

IMO, you have done the right thing saying no. Seriously I don’t know what is up with some people who expect to come and stay immediately after the birth. You’ve just been through a huge physical and emotional event and people want to intrude. Both times I was a mess, my first was an EMCS and my second a forceps VBAC and I was walking wounded, sleep deprived and overwhelmed. I needed privacy and I wouldn’t even have my own parents to stay if they lived out of town.



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 04:07 AM   3
sevenofnine
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I didn’t like having people over for an hour within a week or two of the birth, let alone staying the night



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 04:08 AM   4
KM22
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Thanks so much Zephram, am so glad that it's not just me thinking that it will be too much! X



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 04:10 AM   5
KM22
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That's what I thought sevenofnine, as much as I want people to come see the baby, I'll be glad when they leave! X



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 04:20 AM   6
loeylo
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After we got home from the hospital, I made a rule that anyone visiting had to help in some way. Sure, you can hold baby for a bit, but only if you stick on a wash load or clean some bottles or change a nappy.

I was quite grateful for visitors tbh. I was sore for the first week or two so my partner did night wakings, as well as all the cleaning and housework.

Overnight guests are different. No no no!



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 07:36 AM   7
SmartieMeUp
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Stand by your word.
You and your OH need to adjust to the new lifestyle yourselves as the 3 of you. It's something new so, so many things will be changing. Have personal bonding time and a slight routine before even thinking of anybody else coming to stay. They will probably try and take over if it's so sudden. Let your pain subside, you will feel "useless" and restricted as it is, the last thing you want is somebody else dictating and thinking you're incapable.

Give it a couple of weeks, not 1.

I had visitors waiting at my house before I even got home after my c-section! (OH's family were parked up outside). That didn't go down well with me and they soon left moments after



 
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Old Oct 28th, 2017, 19:50 PM   8
Symphony7
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My inlaws came the following week but stayed in a hotel. I wanted no house guests. It was fine, I didn't even notice really but I was glad they saw her as such a tiny newborn. Didn't want them to miss her first week.



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2017, 01:58 AM   9
mara16jade
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Staying the night - no way!!

Coming to visit periodically (and calling before hand!) - no problem.

I think grandparents tend to feel entitled and forget that this experience is so special and stressful for new parents. First baby I needed my space and didn't like too many visitors all the time. Second baby...well...I was at a festival with the baby, toddler, dh and my parents when the newborn was 3 weeks old. At 4 weeks, we were at a theme park! So I obviously didn't mind visitors with the second baby. But first babies are different. There's so much unknown, fear, excitement, anxiety, etc.

Stand your ground and explain to them, if you can, that you don't like recovering around other people and feel uncomfortable with being at your worst (not that you'll really be at your worst...just something to tell them lol) with house guests around. You can tell them they are more than welcomed to come visit once the baby is here, but it may be a few weeks until you're feeling up to overnight guests. My assumption is that if they know they can't spend the night, they won't be making a ton of trips. I'd hope they understand that you need space. But I know first hand that many people don't get it.



 
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Old Oct 29th, 2017, 15:44 PM   10
AtomicPink
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For me, no way. I put a ban on the first week but MIL turned up unannounced - and she never even comes to the house , ever. I was furious.
Grandparents get so caught up in seeing the new baby they dont think for a minute what mum must be going through



 
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