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Old Nov 16th, 2017, 08:27 AM   1
laura109
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finally snapped


ive wrote several posts over the years on here about my mum. when i became a mum myself it hit me how she emotionally is unavailable and always has been. its left me with confidence issues in many areas of my life. the only thing i have achieved from having such a cold upbringing is i have luckily managed not to carry it on. i cant show feeling infront of my mum or love but infront of others i am myself. i know that my goal as a mum is to be warm and kind to my kids. to hug them and talk to them through their problems. to understand. to praise. to give them experiences. my mum did barely anything with us growing up. it was my friends mums that took me fishing. took me to the cinema. took me the park. it was there gardens i camped out in. i loved spending time with my best friends family and now as an adult i know why. my own parents were so boring.

despite all this ive kept a relationship with her. i think weve all made excuses for my parents and said its how they are we shouldnt take it personally. my 3 sisters have all at seperate times felt like mum is sorta turning on them. shes quite self centered if we have a complaint and go to the drs she tries to outdo us or accuse us of being hypochondriacs.

anyway ive had a tiring year. ive had 4 months of bleeding in this pregnancy. ive felt sick for the first four months. ive struggled to amuse my little toddler i feel guilty we dont get out as much as we used too.weve had 2 bedrooms to decorate. weve moved my daughter into a big bed and a new room. she no longer sleeps unless we stay with her. this has resulted in our evenings not exsisting. i never get to see my partner as one of us is always settling her. we have had 2 afternoons out since she was born. this year my parents moved back near us. not once have they had my daughter. not even when i said we were puttng furniture up. they expect me to waddle to them everytime then my mum gets me hoovering up etc. things my dad could do after work. they never ever ever come over. then i end up feeling bad when a few weeks pass and they havnt seen my dd.

anyway ive asked and asked them for a couple of afternoons before babies born for them to have her.just to let her feel relaxed and happy with me leaving her. i want her to be happy when i go into labour. i honestly feel like they dont care. my mum fobbed me off for weeks saying oh i cant get my head around that right now. it got to the point 3 weeks ago when i burst into tears as i felt so upset about going into labour and getting my little girl looked after.

today i asked if they would have her sunday. she text back ill speak to you later. then an hour later i got a snotty text saying she had driven past with my dad and my hedge needed cutting around the gate as the postie couldnt get through. we also have a pile of rubbish ready to be skipped and she told me to get my garden cleaned up its a mess. this resulted in me texting her back saying considering we get no help and nobody helps we are doing our best. this continued into abit of a text row. i pointed out my partners long hours and a toddler with us 24/7. trying to get the house prepared ontop of keeping up with pots and washing and toy tidying and washing... doesn't leave me with much time to do extra. she text back and told me to calm down ffs.

she made me cry infront of my daughter who also cried seeing me sad. shes made me stressed before my midwife appointment. i just dont wanna speak to her anymore but its so hard to fall out. although i probably just did fall out with her. i dont want my daughter to have no grandparents but at the same time i dont want to waste my life trying to force a relationship with someone who wont do anything for me at a big time in my life.

do u think i should just go silent on her. the last thing i need right now is stress and shes making me feel ill.my partners mums an hour away and she can come over when i go into labour. i cant imagine not speaking to my parents anymore but i feel like its getting to the point where i cant do it anymore.



 
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Old Nov 16th, 2017, 08:44 AM   2
Wobbles
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It depends on the deeper story and feelings but I felt better when I slammed the door on people I wanted to care about me and my girls but for some you don't have to completely if you can accept the support and closeness you want isn't happening and maybe just stop making the effort.




 
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