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Old May 20th, 2010, 14:05 PM   1
Sweetie
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How to deal with children with Fetal alcohol syndrome


This is not my child... but I currently am staying with a father who has 3 children all of whom the mother drank during the pregnancies. The mother is no longer in the picture. This is so hard to explain, thanks in advance if you make it through

The children are ages 9, 7 and 5...

The 9 year old seems to be at the function level of a 5 year old When asked about information for his school curriculum so that we could work with him over the summer we were laughed at and told that they basically just do what they can to keep him out of trouble (glorified daycare essentially) He can't even write his own name though he is able to recognize some letters. Is unable to read (grade 3) and can upon occasion follow through on simple directions though can not repeat directions back.

The 7 year old is the most intelligent of the children but has learned to be lazy because the others get away with far less... She is a smart girl, I'm not so concerned about her. She tends to be bossy, speaks for and "mothers" any other children (feedback from her teachers)

The 5 year old appears to be very low functioning as well. Fifty, fifty chance that she can follow directions. Is unable to watch letters drawn one at a time and then "re create" Having a major issue with theft, she knows "no stealing" and "not yours" but as much as she knows it's not allowed (she hides evidence or runs away) it never clicks with her minute to minute She has very poor speech, partly from being the youngest and being spoken for often)

Dad is a small business owner doing the best he can and his live in fiance is amazing with the kids but struggling to deal with them because there is no learning curve. Day to day there is no remembering that something wasn't ok the day before... the only recognition is that when they do something they are well aware they aren't supposed to they will just repeat "parrot" the rule back to you...

The mother (when she was involved) would lock the kids in their rooms for hours on end (sever early years neglect) this especially had caused the 9yo to pee in his room (still working on breaking this habit ) They are having to be taught to "wipe" after the washroom (she wouldn't give them toilet paper) I'm honestly amazed that the 5yo is potty trained.... She also interfered with the testing by purposely skipping appointments (going for coffee or shopping instead, even after being dropped off at the appointments) so it's now an uphill battle to get the testing/ assistance started again

Looking for some guidance, a place to start with summer coming up it's going to be a handful with all of them in the house AND my toddler daughter. We should be moving just before this baby arrives but I think I will still be around a lot as the grandfather who is supposed to be watching them just sticks them outside or in front of the tv when "his" shows are on.

Any experiences or forums that you would be willing to share that I could find information would be greatly appreciated...



 
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Old May 20th, 2010, 18:35 PM   2
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This is horrible to read. How can anyone ever treat children like that!! They should be sterilized. I don't even touch anything that could harm a baby now just in case I was pregnant by accident!

Don't have any help to give but I do wish you good luck with the future and I hope that those kids can grow up to be functioning adults. All respect to you for being a stable part of their life



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Old May 20th, 2010, 18:39 PM   3
Sweetie
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Thanks for the support.

These children belong to our friend (the father) and I can see them struggling to get through life, it's quite depressing as my almost 2 yo speaks better and understands more in most cases than the 9 and 5 year olds

So far locally all I have found out is that when the boy reaches middle school they will put him in a life skills program so he can maybe work in a factory or something later in life... I wish so much better for these kids...



 
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Old May 20th, 2010, 18:44 PM   4
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Life skills so he can maybe work in a factory... Breaks my heart that the children are "doomed" for life because of one stupid individual



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Old May 20th, 2010, 18:59 PM   5
kiwimama
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Have they been diagnosed with FAS? Surely there should be some assistance for this single father from the government and/ or support services. The 9 year old should have a teacher aid funded (they are here) by the government to help him 1 on 1 through his school work.
http://www.faslink.org/ Found that link that is a support service in Canada for FAS. Hope that helps. You could ring them and see if there are services in your area.



 
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Old May 20th, 2010, 19:11 PM   6
Sweetie
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwimama View Post
Have they been diagnosed with FAS? Surely there should be some assistance for this single father from the government and/ or support services. The 9 year old should have a teacher aid funded (they are here) by the government to help him 1 on 1 through his school work.
http://www.faslink.org/ Found that link that is a support service in Canada for FAS. Hope that helps. You could ring them and see if there are services in your area.

I totally agree...There should be some help available... we just need to find it. They were part way through being diagnosed (important because there are different levels of need) but the mother started refusing to take them to the appointments and even when she was dropped off AT appointments would walk away and go meet friends for coffee or shopping. Getting them back in the system is proving to be a difficult task. I'm pretty new to the province and am still learning how they do things here... I'm learning it's a battle



 
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Old May 20th, 2010, 23:34 PM   7
tasha41
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Cases like this absolutely break my heart

Quite a few of my kids at the drop-in program I worked at had FAS. I also work with a young man who you can tell has FAS even by his appearance.

He is doing well, repetition, repetition, repetition is key. We work at McDonalds and after 4 years he is an 'alright' employee... he is very dedicated but just struggles sometimes with the fast pace and juggling multiple tasks. He gets frustrated easily and needs help and to hear he's doing a good job, or that you're happy with how hard he is trying. He performs better if you ask him about how his day is going, what he is doing on the weekend, talk to him about music he likes, etc.

Library programs? Like what we do with preschoolers, with the reading and interactive activities?

What about teaching them crafts or doing cooking? Both have step by step instructions, and maybe they will connect better when there is a 'finished product' than with say following directions about making letters that they can't really appreciate because they can't read or identify them really?

One little girl in my program struggled with writing letters etc. I usually did her lettering in pencil and had her trace it with marker rather than having her repeat it.

I think a call to the principal of the school would be in order, to discuss what the options are and what resources are available, if not maybe the school board-- sometimes higher needs students are sent to different schools because resources aren't distributed evenly.



 
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Old May 21st, 2010, 17:07 PM   8
Sweetie
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Thanks Tasha... there is some great ideas to try there. As far as the principal goes I'm going to have to start looking higher, apparently he is in a "high needs school" but the school has given up on the kids basically. He's been labeled already and they are refusing to reassess... Trying to figure out where to start...

Thanks to all the ladies who have read any or all of this Being able to write some stuff out is helping me to stay sane and not feel like it's the end of the world



 
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Old May 21st, 2010, 17:20 PM   9
Aidan's Mummy
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Hey hun

I would contact your local school authority and asdk them if there is anything the cane do

In the mean time the 5year old hun if the mother will let you, just to help him along lighlty draw letters of her name of a piece of paper and get her to go over them slowly saying each letter and she traces it.

Play activities that are based around learning. Liek Tasha said cooking. But whilst cooking you can incorporate maths and english. Like lets say the recipe has 10 ingredients. Say to her we need 10 ingrediants and they are ........ and ask her for your help. Lead her through it counting the ingrediants as yout get them but also sound out the beginning letters. Like Flour begins with "F"

Flash cards are great but make that into a game aswel (maybe when she becomes beretr with her wirting etc)

When I worked at a nursery nurse I used to get them to draw a picture and if they couldnt write that well I used to get them to tell me in their own words what the picture is about. That way they are learning maybe not writing but how to descirbe and then slwoly move it onto writing like sentances as her writing and language skills progress

It is such a shame that one selfish asct has made her life so difficult but with your support hun I am sure you can help so much

Don't let the schools push you around either it is their job to educate her no matter what extra learning needs thee children may have
x



 
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Old May 21st, 2010, 17:45 PM   10
AngelzTears
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Didn't want to read and run, lots of hugs! Hope things get better hun!



 
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