I was wondering if someone could help me with this, might not be in the right section but anyways.

Im 23 and i was the second born in my family, my brother was the first. I used to look through photos of us as kids and only recently did i notice that there are plenty of photos of my brother when he was just born, when he was being held by my dad and my and my gran, aunts etc but in regards to me, most photos are of me on my own, just sitting on the chair etc

theres none of me with my dad or mum, being held. The only one i found was of me with my dad and my brother but i could see my dad looking proudly at my brother smiling, totally ignoring me.

My mum actually told me recently that they expected to have a boy and my dad wouldnt go near me when i was born and for about 3/4 months after,as you can imagine i started crying, its not something you want to hear.

I have noticed my mum gets on really well with my brother,less so with me and my brother cant really do anything wrong, she always says hes handsome, does well at college etc but i was never encouraged to go to university, she never tells me im pretty etc, one time when i lost weight i was told i looked like a drug user, i was 17 at the time.... and any friends or boyfriends ive had, my mum has always hated, she'll literally like them when they were hanging around my brother, as soon as theyre around me she bad mouths them.

Anyway, i wanted to know, is this normal? wouldnt you take photos of a baby girl if she was the second born? i know parents would be busy(my brother was 3 when i was born) but still.....i asked my mum about this and her excuse was that there wasnt any time....i dont buy it....

what do you think? you're all mums to be/mums already, help me out.

thanks

I'm not sure I can really offer any advice but didn't want to read and run!
I have a similiar but different situation with my parents. I'm the middle child of two brothers. I was always a total Daddy's girl so I can't help with that aspect but my mother and I have a strange relationship.
She always made the same comments about how my brother was so handsome and good at stuff and even though he was actually a complete a**hole in her eyes he's a god. Every awful thing he did always had a reason and he was always excused.
It's still going on now and to be honest it creates a real problem in my relationship with my parents, especially my mother.
I can't really understand why it's like that, my mother of course denies it and I don't think she'll ever listen because it's easier to think I'm overreacting than she's not the best mother.

To be honest (and I'm a bit fair bit older than you!!) I decided that I couldn't let it get to me. Whatever the reasons I'm not going to be able to change it (I tried A LOT), and once I realised that I was happier. I'm very lucky now that I have my own family and I realise I need to spend my time and energy focusing on them and trying not to repeat the mistakes my mother made. It's really horrible to feel like your parents prefer a sibling but if you let it get to you too much, it eats you up. Please try and realise that it has nothing to do with you and whatever the reasons are, they are most probably 100% out of your control.

I'm very very conscious of all this now that I'm pregnant with my second child. I'm happy it's another boy because I already had angst on how I would react to a daughter who would have been in the same situation as me. I'm already making plans on how to make time for my second son so that he doesn't feel like the 'second' or not as important or whatever. I've done pregnancy journals for both pregnancies and I make a point not to compare the pregnancies or babies at all in the second one!! I'm totally paranoid I desperately want all my children to feel unique and special but I think that comes from my experience of having such a shitty family life. My husband has a wonderful family who are all really close and I don't think it's something he thinks about.
I would say ours is not a nice situation and it's not normal...although unfortunately I think it's not totally unique. If it really upsets you do you think maybe seeing someone professional would help? I have a few friends who've done this for family problems and I think it's really beneficial. I'd like to do it myself one day when i have enough time!
I hope you can find a solution

I know it is quite common for their to be less pictures of the second (and any further) children because when you have one they are your entire focus however when you have two the work of caring for two young children on a day to day basis makes you forget the need to take photos and document things like you did with the first.

I only have one child, he is a nearly complete baby book and loads and loads of photos. When we have another one I am making a conscious effort to ensure the second child has those things to. It is easier now, as well as a camera my phone and my iPod take photos so I always have a camera on me for those cute moments.

I'm sorry you've been feeling like this.

23 years ago photographs were so different to now. If I scoured mine and my parents houses I might find 3 or 4 photos of me 23 years ago :/

There are LOTS of photos of my eldest brother, the main reason being my dad had his own darkroom when he was little, so he developed them himself.

There were no digital cameras and getting photos developed was really expensive. By the time I came along, 3rd child, my parents had so little money there were very few photos. There's lots of photos of my husband as a child and I think that's lovely, but I know how you might feel.

I would see it more as a sign of the times rather than anything personal.

If it helps at all, my husband was so scared of having a baby, the pregnancy was dotted with joy and fear, our photos show him terrified rather than in expectant bliss but for him that changed when our LO was born, and he couldn't be a prouder, happier father. It might have taken a slightly different timescale for you dad, but that doesn't necessarily mean he feels any less for you.

I honestly do believe it is true when there are more things/items/photos dedicated to the firstborn than any sibling thereafter. For example I have thousands of pics of my son, who is only 28 months. I obviously had ALOT of time on my hands! But he was my only child at the time, I got his hands and feet done in the clay thingys..this time round with my daughter, I forgot to take lots of photos as a newborn and have only just got round to getting one of me and her!!!!!! she is 7 weeks!!! The other photos are of her laying there alone!
I honestly don;t have the time or think to do the same as what I did for my son - it is in NO WAY personal. I haven;t got her hands and feet done like I did my son and now i wish I did!

Thats what has happened in my situation - may be it is the same with yours?