Hi MrsMax and thanks! Yes I was angry reading what your MIL said to you. I could only imagine how you felt.
I actually feel terrible, but I didn't want to make it about my feelings. She has called to apologize to me too (but I missed her call) because dh fussed her out about how it made me feel considering I had surgery a couple of years ago.
I also feel betrayed. We confided in her.
Lastly, I am hurt because I can feel dh's pain. This is so unlike her.
We're wondering if she's losing it/ going senile.
It was so bizarre. I barely talked about it until now, because I was in so much shock.
I think you are right. Some people take things for granted. I am one of those people. I never knew or even fathomed that people had trouble getting pregnant until it happened to me. I've learned so much on this board. Had I not had such education I wouldn't have known conditions related to LTTC. Even on my worse days I still have hope. What about those who have genetic disorders or loss their tubse or can't afford treatment or unexplained fertility after several treatment attempts. There's so much people don't understand but infertility is a medical disorder.
Best practice is to use your manners. Your MIL was out of line. So was my GIL. Horrible just horrible.
I too hope dh will forgive. He doesn't need to carry this burden on top of everything else.
If it is totally outof character (which it sounds as though it is) and she is fairly old then perhaps there is a bit of dementia there? From what you've said it doesnt sound like she is a spiteful person and she is close to your DH. :dunno:
You're right about education - I have to remind myself that most people dont understand infertility - but I wish people could try to empathise. Everyone says "family matters most" but then the same people dismiss fertility struggles and just say "adopt" or "get over it" (well, not so much the second one but they might as well some of the things I har"). I would love to see more support for LTTC. Thank goodness for BnB.
I'm glad she wanted to apologse to you too - that is something good.
Yea, I'm not holding a grudge. Just pierced my little PMA bubble is all. I will get back on track soon.
You're right about family. They can love ya the best and hurt ya the worst. That is for sure. My aunt told me (mind you I'd never told her we were having trouble conceiving) all the women in our family get pregnant. They may not always give birth but they get pregnant. So, I really don't know what the problem is.
I ignored her, but deep down inside I want to to scream "Shut your mouth! Just shut your mouth!"
We're at that stage (3 years almost) where everyone suspects we can't get pregnant even if we don't admit it. They all have comments and advice. SIgh.
I think when it comes to struggling to conceive and miscarriage - having been through both, though not to extent of some of you other ladies - that until you have been there you can't fathom the struggle and emotional pain it causes. I certainly am more aware of how innocent comments can hurt and try my utmost not to utter them as I hated hearing them myself. Though some of the comments that have been said I wouldn't put in the innocent category.
Good to hear that she apologised to both of you Regal. Mrsmax I still can't believe your MIL.
Seriously if karma came into play then I think all of the ladies on this thread wouldn't have had any struggles as everyone is so wonderful and supportive.
wow, regal, I'm so sorry your gma said that. how inconsiderate, especially since you had confided in here....that's too bad.
mother's day...I told dh I'd like a mother's WEEKEND. I said I wanted saturday to myself with no jack duty (no waking up early, no diapering, nothing but fun playing!) and sunday as a family day with just the 3 of us. I picked out a fun, cute ring with his name, birthdate and birthstone on it that i wanted and I think I'm getting it because "jack" asked for my ring size. so that's fun. nothing expensive, but sentimental.
RP I'm sorry you've had to deal with that sort of insensitivity. I think as you and others have said infertility is something that a lot of people just have absolutely no understanding about. I would love to say something like "just ignore those sorts of comments, people have no idea the impact their words have on people in your situation" but in reality words do cut, no matter how we try to shut them out.
So I don't think the infertility business we've all been through or are going through is karma-related. After miscarriage #2 last year, I started going to - for lack of a better word - church (this place is NOTHING like any church you will ever, or have ever gone to!). I realized that we are not rewarded or punished by God/the Universe. The universe reacts to what we do or think. Also, there's a book I read last summer, called Spirit Babies, that did wonders for me and my outlook. I'd seen the book a few years back at a book sale and thought "what a load of crap." My friends, that book opened my eyes up. It's all about the spiritual contracts we make with our little-ones-to-be in the spirit world. Sometimes circumstances aren't right for baby to come, so they hold off (even though we think that the timing should be now, dammit!). Sometimes we break the contract, although we may not realize it. For instance, as much as I wanted a baby, when I got pregnant last May I couldn't stop thinking about what this meant for my career - I was supposed to finish the dissertation, go on the job market...who would hire a woman with a big ol' belly?! (Academia is still quite sexist). This time around, I've not let any negative thoughts or worries work there way in. Everything is going be fine. It is.
I looked at my previous two miscarriages as the promise of what is to come - and look, my promise is coming true!
Regal, your baby is coming. You have to release and forgive (at least that is what I had to do toward the end of last year). I had to release the baggage of infertility, forgive the little being that kept coming and then leaving, and forgive myself for not being able to stay pregnant with a healthy baby. Maybe I didn't go around smiling every day, but on an emotional and spiritual level, I felt sooo much better. Lighter. Let go, let God. (Sorry if I'm making any of you gals uncomfortable with the God-talk). As an aside, Regal, your aunt's comments are interesting - miscarriage runs in your family then? Does your aunt have any children? Could be something hereditary there...Not that that will stop your baby from coming (which he or she WILL), it might just be an answer for why it's taking a while.
By the way, girls, talking about wine. I read a few weeks back about this study (it was through the BBC website) that showed that one to two glasses of wine a week during pregnancy is fine. It's the hard stuff you have to avoid. In fact, mom's who occasionally drank during pregnancy raised the IQ of their SONS by a few points (drinking had no effect on the IQ of the daughters). Hmmm...I've taken a sip of DH's beer twice and that's probably as far as I'll go. Drinking while pregnant is still off-limits for me!
Rosa - does Jack's bath chair get moldy? stay wet for a while? I've been wondering about getting one of those compared to a tub.
And for all of you who have had your babies, did any of you do the Chinese gender predictor? If so, was it accurate?
I am feeling baby kick more often these days! It makes me SO HAPPY!! Apparently my placenta is at the front of my uterus and baby is behind it, so it muffles a lot of the action that is going on down there.
Any opinions, advice, statements or other information expressed or made available on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com by users or third parties, including but not limited to bloggers, are solely those of the respective user or other third party. They do not reflect the opinions of BabyandBump.Momtastic.com and they have not been reviewed by a physician, psychologist or parenting expert or any member of the BabyandBump.Momtastic.com staff for accuracy, balance or objectivity. Content and other information presented on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com are not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, counseling, diagnosis, or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical or mental health advice from your physician or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on BabyandBump.Momtastic.com. BabyandBump.Momtastic.com does not endorse any opinion, advice, statement, product, service or treatment made available on the website. If you think you have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services immediately.